Second chances
by Lidocaina
Summary: Second chance is mostly a Jaddison/Addek fanfiction that follows a slight A/U. Jake and Addison are married and they are struggling to build their own family.
1. Chapter 1

To all the readers of "Second chances", thank you for reading (ad hopefully reviewing this story). The idea of this fanfiction is mostly born after the serie finale of Private Practice, talking with a couple of friends on twitter.

We wrote it at four hands with "Adrienne Forbes" confronting our, sometimes, different ideas and opinions. Second chance is mostly a Jaddison/Addek fanfiction that follows a slight A/U. Many important things that happened in season 5 and season 6 of the show, such as Amelia's unicorn baby or the Henry's adoption storyline, don't take place in the story, but Jake and Addison are married (YAY!) and they are struggling to build their family. We hope you will enjoy the Second Chances. Reviews, critics and advices are, as always, more than welcome.

**SECOND CHANCES - chapter 1**

* * *

"_I believe in second chances and starting fresh, I believe that out there is that one person where it was meant to be and I believe in miracles. I've made my fair share of mistakes over the years and I've had to live with the repercussions of them ever since. I came to LA with the dreams of starting fresh, to find myself and to have the life that I had always dreamed of. Not to say that I didn't feel that way with Derek because he will always have a special place in my heart but sometimes loving someone is letting them go and knowing that they can be happy with someone else. Life isn't always what you want it to be like and everyone's story is different but it changes in an instant and in that moment transforms your whole entire being. That's when I met him, Jake the man of my dreams. We were both people who had our flaws but we saw something in each other, this undivided love and appreciation of one another that takes your breath away. I guess the Beatles were right because all you really need is love."_

* * *

It was a cold and brisk morning in Los Angeles when Addison Forbes Montgomery and Jake Reilly entered Seaside Wellness Center. The two of them were giggling as they exited the elevator from a remark that Jake had made and went to collect their morning appointment. As they scanned over their schedules Jake couldn't help but stare at her radiant glow taking in just how beautiful his wife truly was. She saw that he was staring and simply smiled in return gazing into those handsome brown eyes.

"So you're right to do the ultrasound in an hour right?" The redhead asked with a slight hint of hesitation.

"Of course I can, you know that I wouldn't miss seeing out wonderful babies for anything in the world."

Jake then walked over to his wife and bent down to her stomach and started talking to the fetuses.

"Now you two behave for Mommy today and make sure that she doesn't start the ultrasound without me again."

"That was one time! I just couldn't help my self you know that I am a double board certified Neonatal Surgeon..."

"With two years specializing in genetics, yes I know," Jake replied as he silenced the beaming redhead with a soft kiss on the lips.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Addison asked after becoming completely lost in that kiss.

It was with that, that the two doctors went their separate ways into their respective offices and met with their first patients for the day.

Addison walked into the exam room and ly down on the exam table. She took a deep breath and took a moment to understand what was happening. She was finally going to be a mother. It seemed so different being on the other side of the table and not being in control but none of that really mattered because she was finally going to have two little bundles of joy in her arms in a couple of months time. She turned the machine on and lifted up her shirt not thinking and realized that she had promised Jake that she would wait for him. So she placed her hand on her bare stomach and let go of the breath she was holding, inside of her were two little babies, her own babies and she was finally going to have a family. So many thoughts and fears flooded her mind as to what kind of parent she would be and if her children would turn out ok but then she remembered that for the first time in a while, she wasn't alone. Jake was there for her and would always be there for her and no matter what these children would have the undivided love and support from two of the most giving parents that anyone could ask for.

Jake entered in the exam room "You really can't wait, Addie"

"I was just getting everything ready for you, that's all"

He took the probe and put the cold gel on Addison's belly "Ready to say hello to our babies?"

She then closed her eyes for a moment trying to capture this memory and when she opened her eyes she saw that Jake had turned the monitor away from her and had a concerned look on his face. It was then that Addison felt her heart sink into the bottom of her chest.

"Jake what's wrong? What aren't you telling me? Jake turned the monitor around." Addison said in a concerned voice, Jake could hear it cracking with fear over the health of their babies.

Jake felt the pain in Addison's voice and to try to reassure her he put the Doppler on one of the baby heartbeat so she could hear it.

"Addison, honey... what you have to know is that there are still.." Jake began as he tried to let her down easily.

"Jake, TURN THE MONITOR AROUND!" Addison said with a stern voice. "I NEED TO SEE MY BABIES, THEY ARE OK UNTIL I SAY SO."

Jake took a deep breath and slowly turned the monitor to face his distressed wife. Addison then grabbed the probe and frantically searched the area for her two babies and it was in that moment that she saw what had happened. There was only one heartbeat. She immediately dropped the probe and began to panic as her breaths became more shallow and frequent Addison was beginning to hyperventilate as the tears were streaming down her face.

Addison just sat there on the exam table crying and staring into the corner as everything was moving at a rapid pace. Jake ran over to his wife and just held her in the hopes of calming her down and praying that this wouldn't break her. He had never seen the woman he loved so defeated and numb so he pressed kisses all over her forehead as the small tears escaped from his eyes as they both grieved over the loss of their child.

Addison then moved surprising Jake and wiped the gel off of her stomach and pulled her shirt down. She then slowly walked out of the room and into her office and shut the blinds. Jake was taken back by her actions and was gravely concerned but knew that she just needed a minute to herself and then he would be there as soon as she was ready.

Unknowing to what had just happened Amelia observed her former sister in-law walk across the foyer in an empty manner. She furrowed her brow and called out to her.

"Addie, what's up?"

Amelia approaches Addison's office not sure of what she would find behind the door. She slowly opened it and somewhat expected Addison to throw herself into her work, she had always found that work was the perfect escape from her problems but when she stepped inside she saw her sister lying down on sofa curled into the fetal position quietly sobbing as she held her hand to her stomach. Amelia then exactly knew what was going on. She slowly walked over the fragile woman carefully enough not to scare her and tried to comfort her.

"Addie, I'm so sorry. I know that..." Amelia tried to go on but she could see that none of her words were registering to Addison as she just stared at the ground. She even went to hug her in the hopes that the simple gesture would break through but Addison still stayed in the same position as if she had just be frozen in place because of her complete numbness.

Amelia left Addison's office and headed in Jake's one. She wasn't expected to see the always congenial man with his tie slacken, seated in the sofa drinking a glass of scotch at 10 am.

"Alcohol is never the solution...What's wrong with you and Addie, Jake? I saw you both radiant and happy this morning... It's something wrong with the babies, isn't it?"

"It's just one baby, Amelia… This is why you see Addison in her office so heartbroken…"

"Vanishing twin?" he nodded "I'm so sorry Jake!" she hugged him and went back to Addison.

She decided that she would stay with her sister-in-law until something got through because she was all that Addison had apart from Jake and she had already finished up with her patients for the day.

* * *

Jake returned at home in the evening after an emergency at St. Ambrose. He put his bags down in the lounge-room and ascended the stairs to change into something more comfortable. Today had been a long day for the surgeon and the sooner it was over the better he thought. As he walked into the bedroom he sees her sitting on the bed with some material in her hands. After a moment he realized that she was holding a onesie but not just one of them, there were two each saying twin one and twin two.

She looked up at him with her tired eyes, she had been crying all day and she really needed to rest. The look was filled with bitterness and disappointment as the thoughts surfaced from within.

"They were two, I did the first ultrasound a 7 weeks and they were two, Jake! My mind, my heart, my whole body were all set to have two babies!"

"It's a common thing with twins, Addie, and you know that, be rational! We have been lucky it happened in the first trimester…"

"You wanted this to happen, you don't even care about these babies because they're not yours."

"Addison you know that's not true that I love these babies more than anything else in the world but you also know that professionally a singleton pregnancy is much safer, especially for a woman in your condition. Think about it you would have said the same thing to your patients and you know it."

"I can't deal with you right now, I just feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I can't do this, I can't go through this again please don't make me."

Addison then started to burst into tears and went to storm out but Jake took this opportunity to make his move and show her how much he cared. He grabbed her as she was walking away and hugged her as tightly as he could. She was fighting against him with all her will because she didn't want to go through this pain anymore as the tears kept flowing. Eventually she gave into his embrace and collapsed into is arms and finally let's him in. He kissed her forehead intensely to let her know that he was not going anywhere and he lowered her onto the couch still in his arms. She held on tighter as if she was just about to fall of the edge because the thought of doing any of this alone terrified her more than she'd like to admit. He knows that she had had a long day so he gently picked up her fragile body and carried her upstairs to the master bedroom and lay her on the bed. There was no romance, no sensual kisses or sex, just simply holding her and letting her knew that he was here for the long run.

"I want to take the amniocentesis Jake… I need to know if the other baby I'm carrying is fine"

"It's okay, honey, you don't have to think about this today" he said kissing again her forehead.

"I have Jake, especially today, especially because one of my babies is not there anymore…"

* * *

_Flashback – NYC 3 months ago_

"_We can't do that"_

"_Why? I promised you I would have gave you a baby… in a tube, or whatever…" _

"…_What if Derek said no? Or worse, he wants to be part of it, after all they are also his embryos, he had a huge part of it…"_

"_You mean DNA?"_

"_Jake…"_

"_You know, sweetheart, there are a lot of ethic controversies about cryo-saved embryos..."_

"_Derek was never ok with the whole medical assisted reproductive process…"_

"_Why?"_

"_It was a male-ego problem, I guess…"_

"_Uh? Didn't you do it for a ∆F508 CF heterozygosity in cystic fibrosis?"_

"_It wasn't the only problem, well we had also other fertility issues… We tried for 2 years but nothing happened, meanwhile our marriage went downhill, you know the rest of the story… Do you really want to talk about the end of my previous marriage?"_

"_Not really" he kissed her lips "I had other plans for the night, Mrs. Reilly!"_

_Later in bed, Addison was playing with her fingers on Jake's bare chest "Jake, Are you sure about the baby? I mean, I know you would be an amazing father, but maybe we can try again with adoption… I know it was hard for me after Melanie did not chose me as mother of her baby girl, but with you I'm stronger… Maybe we can try another course of IVF…"_

"_Addison, we already talked about that… These embryos are yours, there isn't any problem of match compatibility, I just have to work on the defrost passage…"_

"_Oh my god, they should be 7 year old kids, going to school, play baseball or dancing…"_

"_They will be amazing, just like you…"_

"_You mean waspy, cheaters, with a screwed moral compass?"_

_He laughed "You're a good and funny woman, Addison Montgomery"_

"_What if he wants be part of their life… I mean, it's one of his rights…"_

"_He will not"_

"_Why are you so sure?"_

"_Addie, he has a wife and two children! You said he's a good man I'm sure he will let us have our little family"_

_Next morning Jake and Addison were waiting to meet Derek at Marriott Hotel in Manhattan. Jake checked again his watch, 10:30 am "At what time did you tell Derek to meet us?"_

"_9 am…" she answered looking again at her smartphone._

"_I hope he is timely when he has a surgery…" he commented sarcastically_

"_He doesn't even know why we want to meet him… it's the same old story all over again…" she tried to call him again, but as other many times he didn't answer "This is typical Derek really… typical!"_

"_Well maybe he had an hitch…" _

"_Or maybe he is just the same old ass" she looked again at his husband, she was tired and pissed, "promise me you won't leave me, please Jake"_

"_I promise" he softly kissed her lips "I will not leave you and I will do anything for you"_

"_You know what, they are mine, I don't need any authorization by a man that doesn't even care or wonder why I asked to meet him again!" she put on her coat "It's time to go, Jake, we have an appointment at the practice"._


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing Second Chances. This new chapter will face Addison's fears and it will show us more of their past. Hope you like it. Reviews, advices, and critics are really appreciated, they help us improving the story. A special thanks to my co-writer "Adrienne Forbes".**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"_I've spent the past 2 decades learning about fetal medicine and everything that there is to know about the development of a child from the moment it's conceived to the second it's delivered and there after. But all this knowledge seems so foreign and so irrelevant now that I find myself on the other side of it all. I've comforted patients and eased their fears, told them that everything's ok and I've assured them that I can help their child. But yet I can't seem to put my own mind at ease. This child is a miracle and a second chance, to change my life and to experience unconditional love. When the dark of night approaches so do all of my fears and nightmares about all of the bad things that could happen to this child. The breaths of reassurance are quick and shallow but are soon gone as I suffocate underneath the ocean of guilt that floods my mind."_

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night in LA and the rough ocean waves mimic the thoughts in Addison's head. She can't sleep as the countless thoughts of the amniocentesis plague her mind. A few months ago her life was so simple, she was happy and fearless but now it was as though every mood that she made was questioned. She moves from her spot on the lounge and spots a familiar box hidden in the bookcase near the stairs. Without even thinking she grabs the box and runs her fingers over the shape of the box trying to remember why she would hide such a nice box. As she opens it all of the memories as to why she hid it come rushing back and it's all too much. Addison then took a moment to compose herself and stared to look at the photographs within, it's of her and Derek. Then her hand instantly went to her stomach. She had always wanted a baby with Derek but never imagined that it would happen like this. A small smile appeared on her face as she remembered all of the good times that they shared and the love that they had for each other and the love that this child would have.

A light quickly switched on upstairs and she quickly shut the box and put it back in its spot, but as she did that a photograph fell on the floor. She picked it up and stared at it, it was on of her and Derek in Central Park having a picnic in the spring. Addison remembered that day very well, it was one of her favorite memories of her and her ex-husband, it was the day that she found out she was pregnant.

The sound of footsteps became increasingly louder as Jake made his way down the stairs. Addison quickly sat back on the lounge and covered herself with a blanket as she resumed staring into space.

"Addison? What are you still doing down here? It's 3am you should really get some sleep." Jake was concerned for his wife as he stared at her emotionless face.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to sleep, I thought I would just get a glass of water but I guess I just got distracted."

"You're worried about the amniocentesis aren't you?"

"It's a beautiful storm, it isn't it?" Addison then averted her gaze to the windows.

"You're changing the subject, Addison what's wrong?" Jake knew that she had her fears after everything that she had been though but he wanted to help her as much as he could through this difficult time.

"You look tired, let's go to bed. We can talk later in the morning." Addison wasn't in the mood to talk to Jake about this, she could see how tired he looked and didn't want to bother him anymore than she could.

Jake looked at the woman and simply complied with her suggestion knowing fully that there was no point in trying to get through to her now. He just hoped that she would be more responsive in the morning. He continued up the stairs and made his way back to the bedroom.

Addison soon followed but took the photo she had hidden behind her back and placed it in the box. Her mind lingered with the memory of that day and she walked up the stairs to join her husband in bed.

* * *

_Flashback – Central Park_

_It was a beautiful Sunday of Spring, Central park trees and flowers were all in bloom. It was the perfect day for a picnic._

"_I hope you like the sandwiches" Addison said opening the basket "Mushrooms or tuna?"_

"_Tuna" he said absently looking again at his palmtop "I still don't understand why you wanted to do this picnic, we could book a restaurant"_

"_It's a beautiful Sunday, and look at the park, it's full of families" _

_Derek noticed that his always flawless wife today was a little unsecure._

"_Are you fine?" he asked gently._

_She took a deep breath before answering, "I have to tell you something, Derek"_

"_Is it something good or something bad?" he held her hands._

"_Listen, I know you weren't happy about the whole IVF and that you preferred waiting…but" she took a deep breath "two weeks ago, while you were in Chicago for that conference on spinal traumas, I proceeded with the implant of the first two embryos…"_

"_What?_ _Addie, we decided to wait…"_

"_I've waited enough, Derek"_

"_Addison, we waited because you were at risk to develop ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome"_

"_This was 3 months ago Derek, now I was fine, my body was ready… It was the best timing, Derek… and it worked! I'm pregnant!"_

_He was definitely not angry. He looked again at his beautiful wife smiling "Ssssshh…." He said kissing her lips "This is the best news you could give me today… and I can't wait to do picnic in Central Park with our beautiful baby!"_

* * *

Addison awoke not realizing that it was dawn already, she had so many thoughts on her mind about what was going to happen today and if her baby was going to be ok. She felt Jake start to stir and get out of bed, she quickly closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep to avoid the conversation that she had dreaded since last night. He left a small lingering kiss on her left cheek and walked downstairs to make some coffee. Addison was facing the window her gaze fixed on the light emitting from the blinds and just lied there. She didn't want to move or even think about getting up because getting up meant that she had to face Jake and she had to face the amniocentesis and right now bed seemed to be the better option. Her blankets engulfed her like a protective coccoon from the dangers and pressures of the outside world and she wanted to stay there forever not wanting to face her own reality. If only she could create this little bubble where everything was ok and her baby was protected from harm, maybe then she would be willing to get up but for now she knew that wasn't going to happen.

Jake was standing downstairs in the kitchen and took a sip of his coffee. He was highly concerned for Addison's wellbeing, he just wanted to be there for her but it was as if every move that he made only pushed her away more. Her emotional indifference towards him was taking it's toll and all he wanted to do was having things go back to the way they were before. Jake put him coffee down and decided to check on her again to see if she was awake. His footsteps were soft and quiet as he approached the bedroom. She looked so peaceful and so quiet from behind that he wanted to leave her alone but decided against this because he was determined to make this work if not for her sake for the sake of their marriage.

She could hear him come closer and simply stared at the windows once again. Addison saw his gentle face as he walked over to her side of the bed and bent over and eventually sitting on the floor in front of her.

"Good Morning Sweetheart, how are you feeling this morning?" Jake started the talking because he knew that she was in no mood to initiate conversation with him.

There was no reply from Addison's end as she still had her gaze fixed on the same spot in an attempt to block out his words. She ever so badly didn't want to do this, she couldn't, it was too hard for her.

"Addison, please talk to me," Jake pleaded as he tried to reach out to his wife for the second time. "You need to tell me what's wrong because I hate to see you like this and I love you so much and when you're like this I feel so helpless. I took an oath to protect you and I can't do that unless you talk to me." At this point Jake had risen his voice quite a bit so that it was stern but not a shout so that she could understand him.

She kept looking at the wall, but this time a tear escaped her eye and then another, until she started to sob uncontrollably in front of the man she loved. Addison was panicking and she didn't know why she couldn't reach out to him, she wanted to so badly but just couldn't find it in herself to.

The man saw how upset and broken she looked and picked her up from her cocoon and hugged her as tightly as he could, trying to soothe her pain.

"I'm sorry Addie, I didn't mean to yell or upset you. I shouldn't have said that."

She reciprocated his actions and hugged him back softly but this time rested her head on his shoulder.

"Please don't leave me, I love you."

Jake was taken back by these words; she had said them last night in her state but then again after all of this. Did she feel like she was alone? Was he not there enough for her? All of theses things came into the man's mind as he held his wife.

* * *

She sits in the kitchen eating her yogurt and muesli quietly observing the activity in the office. Amelia's always been one to notice things and sense when something's wrong. She saw Jake exit Addison's office and cross the foyer. He had a look of concern and determination as he crossed the foyer and disappeared into the examination room. After deciding that she's had enough of her food, she simply discarded it into the bin and went to see Addison. As she approached her office, she noticed that the blinds were once again closed and that people here only did that when they needed some serious alone time. Amelia placed her hand on the door handle and walked in to see her sister.

She observed the woman sitting on the couch in her sweats with a box of tissues beside her whilst she stared down at the ground. This wasn't the Addison that she knew, the Addison she knew would have been strutting around the office in 4 inch heels and a tight wrap dress not daggy sweats that didn't show off her figure. Amelia walked over to where Addison was sitting and took a seat beside her on the right.

"Addie, you know that you're my sister and my best friend and that you can tell me anything. You know me better than most of my own family and I've grown up with you, learnt from you and supported you through everything." Amelia was really trying to reach out to the redhead hoping that this would settle the ever growing tension in the office with her and Jake.

The red head lifts her eyes and looked into Amelia's dark blue orbs, as see read the concern that was written all over her face.

"You know that you were going to be an auntie before." She said as she let out a small laugh.

"I know Addison, losing one of the twins was hard on everyone." Amelia said sympathetically to the woman.

"No, about 7 years ago. Derek and I, we tried. It was when we first had the embryos frozen and tried the first round of implantation. We were both so excited you know, the thought of a family and having something that brought us closer together was so indescribable, we were happy then. I uh... I remember the day that I told him, we were having a picnic in Central Park and you should have seen the look on his face when he found out he was going to be a daddy," she said as she tried to blink back the tears that were ever present in her eyes.

"Addie, you were pregnant?" Amelia questioned her best friend after being shocked of the news.

* * *

_FLASHBACK _

_It was late in the night and Derek was still not at home as usual. Addison put the dinner in a Tupperware and left a post-it note on the microwave. She did not feel very well, she had this abdominal pain for all the night, but no sign of bleeding. Maybe she was just tired, she thought, she had a very rough day at the hospital._

_She headed to the master bedroom and she soon fell asleep._

_She did not hear Derek when he arrived at home almost 3 hours later. He rapidly ate the dinner alone in the kitchen, not even sure if he was more tired or hungry. Before going to bed he took a quick look at the news. When he arrived at the bedroom he found his wife sleeping in fetal position, she looked pale and tired. He changed in his pajamas and lied next to her._

"_I love you" he whispered._

"_I didn't hear you coming"_

"_I didn't want to wake you up… How are you feeling?"_

"_Dizzy and I have this pain that won't go…" he gently put his hand on her still flat belly._

"_You will be fine, Addie… Your labs were good, everything looked normal, right?"_

_She nodded "…I have to go to the bathroom"_

"_Nausea?" he asked, "maybe you have a stomach flu…"_

_10 minutes later Addison was still in the bathroom, and Derek started worried "Addison, are you fine?" he asked from behind the door "Do you need help?", still no answers, "Addison, honey, please answer me, I'm worried" he finally decided to enter in the bathroom, and when in, he found Addison collapsed on the floor bleeding, "Oh gosh" he checked her pulse, it was fast and weak. He lifted her up and carried her on the bed. He wore a pair jeans and an old sweater, and frantically searched for the key of the car, "Derek…" it sounded more like a plea, "Don't worry, honey, everything will be fine" he tried to reassure her._

_She was getting over, but she was still weary. "I lost it, Derek… I lost it" she whispered with a feeble voice broken by crying. _

"_Don't say it, Addie, we will go the hospital, we will do an ultrasound, we will see our baby alive...and everything will be fine" he knew she was right._

_Next morning Derek found his wife in a bed hospital gazing absently at the window. She was even paler than the night before. He entered in the hospital room; his face was a mix of tiredness and sorrow. He put on a vase the bouquet of white lilies and yellow roses he bought for her, and took a seat near her. He held her cold hand, and trying to hide his sadness he said, "We can try again, honey... We know it could happen"._

_She turned on his husband, he noticed her puffy eyes, "I'm not ready, Derek... don't think I can do this again… I just can't go through all this pain all over again."_

* * *

"Oh Addie, I didn't know." Amelia at this point was crying too, she had just found out she had lost a niece or nephew and understood all of Addison's fears. It was as though her sister couldn't let herself be happy out of the fear that something would go wrong because in Addison's eyes something always went wrong.

She reached out to the woman and grabbed her, hugging out all of her emotions and showing her just how much she had missed her. Amelia knew from this point on that she would abandon Addison and let this happen to her again. She was going to reassure her that people would always be there for her and that it's always ok to ask for help.

"I'm going to come with you Addie and I'm going to hold you're hand. I don't care if you don't want me there. You are going to hold onto me and you're going to cry on my shoulder when you need to because that's what sisters do, we're there for each other."

Addison didn't know what to say. It had been a while she had seen Amelia since being married to Derek but it's true that at that moment she felt like she had reconnected with her old self and the old Amelia that she used to confide with. She felt like her family was coming back and that gave her the courage to brave what was going to happen next.

Amelia extended her hand towards Addison and she grabbed it. The two of them held hands as they slowly made their way to the exam room. Amelia opened the door and guided Addison over to the chair.

"Breathe." That's all she needed to say because she could read Addison's mind. "Just take a deep breath and it'll be over before you know it.

The red head smiled at her husband, and squeezed Amelia's hand in reassurance.

"Alright here we go," Jake said as he started the procedure. Addison closed her eyes. Jake entered the needle in Addison's womb with confidence and precision, very careful to not hurt in anyway the baby, "It's done, sweetheart!" and to reassure his wife he let her listen again the strong heartbeat of their baby.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear readers, thank you for reading and reviewing Second Chances. Many of you are wondering if everything is ok with the baby Addison is carrying, and soon you will know. I'd like to know what you think about the plot. **

**Your reviews with ideas and advices will help Adrienne Forbes (the co-author) and me writing it. Read and enjoy.**

**Chapter 3 **

* * *

"_I've had a lot of things go wrong in my life, I've made my fair share of mistakes and poor decisions, and at times find myself in what appears to be a bottomless pit of despair. But that's where work came in, the only constant thing in my life and my most successful relationship. Work was there when everybody else wasn't, it put my mind at ease and provided an escape from my daily struggles. My life is my work and it's because of that, that I met the people who mean the most to me and created my family. Sometimes it's hard to find a balance but I'm starting to believe in something different, something unfamiliar, to change my ways and not to place my faith in my work but to place it in the hands of those who care about me, my family."_

* * *

Addison was sitting in her office doing paperwork and charting up. She had forgotten completely about the pending test results because it had been over a week since the amniocentesis. Jake walked into the office with an envelope tucked underneath his arm and slowly approached the woman.

"Addie, honey. I picked up the results of the amniocentesis from the lab" showing her a white envelope.

Addison panicked, she wasn't ready to face the results, and what if Jake had already opened it and knew the results, she was freaking out, she just needed the opportunity to escape from that situation and not face the reality, but the question was still stuck in her head, what if there was something wrong with the baby?

Her phone rang, it was the hospital, one of her patients had just admitted to St. Ambrose, she could go, could run away from that damn white envelope. "Jake, it's the hospital, sorry I have to go" she quickly kissed her husband, and grabbed her handbag and coat and walked away from Jake leaving him completely shocked.

"What about the results?" he asked before she left

"We will see them at home…Jake?"

"Yes?"

"I love you!" she said sincerely before disappearing behind the door of the elevator.

* * *

Addison had already finished checking on her patient at St Ambrose, it was just a false labor, so after a couple of hours she discharged the woman. She was finishing writing her patient's file chart, when she heard a familiar voice, it was Jake. He was at St Ambrose too, drinking coffee and talking with Amelia. She decided to remain unseen behind the wall, curious of their discussion.

"I want to be there for her and I want to be strong, but the truth is that I'm scared. I love her more than anything in this world, and this baby is so important for us. I don't want to lose her, Amelia, because she's my life and everyday I just want to hold her and protect her from the world. But, I'm only human and sometimes we just can't cope with it all."

Jake's words melted Addison's heart. She decided to go back home and wait for him.

She prepared a dinner for two. She set the table with attention. She put the white envelope on the table not to close or distant from both plate, because the results in that envelope were something that they had to face together.

Jake came in the house, he was happy to find Addison in the kitchen, "Honey, whatever you are cooking it smells delicious"

"Tagliatelle al ragù! They are almost ready… There's a bottle of red wine waiting for you"

Jake noticed the envelope on the table. This time Addison was not hiding from the truth.

The two of them finished dinner and Jake held her hand as he led her towards the envelope. The two of them sat down and looked at the envelope in an uncomfortable silence. He looked at her face trying to analyze how she was feeling and he saw the anxiety grow as her expression changed. Her eyes became glassy and her breaths unsteady but he knew that she wanted to do this, for them.

Jake took another glass of wine and asked, "Do you want me to open it?"

She nodded, and as he started open the envelope her heart started running fast. Jake's eyes scanned the contents of the letter. Jake immediately rushed on her side and hugged her tight, "Sweetheart, we are going to have an healthy baby. Karyotype 46 XY… He just have an heterozygosity for cystic fibrosis like you, but he's perfectly fine!"

She was still incredulous. She went to grab the paper from Jake's hand. Her hand began to tremble from all of the nerves in her body. They smiled at each other and their moods changed from scared to happy.

* * *

The sunlight danced on her porcelain skin as Addison Montgomery began to stir in bed. She was in a good mood after finding out about the positive test results and the fact that soon she was going to have a little baby boy. Addison extended her arm out to see if Jake had woken up yet and was taken back by the empty space. Instead of finding her husband beside her she found a small note with a chocolate heart next to it.

_'My Darling Addison,_

_I'm so sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up because I got called into an emergency surgery. So that you won't be lonely on your day off I've sent reinforcements and they should be arriving any minute now. I promise I'll make it up to you._

_Forever yours _

_J.'_

Addison wondered what Jake could have possibly organized on such short notice to amuse her on a fay like today, just as she was going to go back to sleep. She heard the doorbell rang. It was just like Jake had said, "...any minute now." She couldn't help but smile at all of the possibilities that could be behind that door so she jumped out of bed and walked downstairs. The ring of the doorbell was becoming more frequent as she approached and when she opened it she couldn't believe what she saw.

"SURPRISE ADDIE!" The woman said carrying bags of food and other items.

"Oh my god Amelia, you didn't have to do this," Addison replied as a look of shock painted her face.

"Jake said that you needed company and today we are going to have a girls day in! I haven't talked to you in ages and I want some Addie time before this little one takes you away from me."

"Amelia, you know that I'll always have time for you. You're my sister!"

"I know Addie but babies take up a lot of time and I think that I should make the most of it while I still can."

"So what did you bring for me?"

"Well I have these books with baby names, soppy rom-coms and ice-cream… With which one do you want to start?" Amelia said all smiling

"Ice-cream! Can't wait to do breakfast with that vanilla chocolate chips of Haagen dazes, but don't tell Jake, he is controlling my diet… Sometimes I suspect he wants me starve!"

"Our secret is safe, Addie, Jake will never know!"

"Everyday he controls my blood pressure and weight!" she confessed

"Weird… Never marry an ob/gyn, I'm taking note!" they both laugh.

"Better than neuro surgeons that paint brain and spine on the wall of the bedrooms!"

"I remember that, it was in the brownstone, right?"

"Yeah, Derek painted that huge brain aneurysm because he wasn't sure how to drain it! ...Ah, we were so young and both enthusiastic of our professions!" every time she remembered that days she felt a bit nostalgic.

"Hey, hey there's no time for sadness today!" Amelia told her.

"Sorry, Amelia, it's all fault of the hormones!"

* * *

A couple of weeks later, Jake and Addison arrived at the Practice, they were in a very good mood. Addison's pregnancy was going so well, and after a period relaxing at home she was ready to focus again on her career, even if Jake was still a little concerned.

"How many patients do you have today?"

"I have a new patient at 9 am, Dr Robertson sent her to me because she suspects a case of spina bifida" She answers while checking on her messages at the reception desk,

"Wow, it seems a very tough case… How high are the alphafetoprotein levels?"

"I don't know, I didn't see the patient's chart yet… The rest of the visits are just gynecological check-ups. I think I will have lunch with Amelia and I will be at home for 2 pm… At what time is your plane leaving?"

"10 am, I should land in Vancouver at 1 pm"

"Do you really have to go?" she was sad he had to leave.

"Just 3 days, sweetheart, I promise!" he placed a kiss on her forehead "You're jealous because you haven't been called at the conference"

"I'm not fond in human reproduction techniques, my fields are others… but I will deeply miss you cuddling me in bed and talking to Chicco"

"Speaking of Chicco, you say your first patient is at 9 pm, for that time I should leave for the airport, but we have time to take a look at him, do you want?" he proposed posing a protective hand on her belly.

"Definitely, you know how much I like the sound of his heartbeat!"

"The exam room is empty. Carpe diem!" he noticed.

Before leaving, Jake leant into her and deeply kisses her in the foyer, the feeling lingering on her lips as they broke apart. She hugged him as tight as she could one last time and smiled at him as he stepped into the elevator. Jake looked at the read head as if he was going to see her that night with his big brown eyes full of love for her. The doors closed and Addison deeply exhaled taking that moment to compose herself, she had an hour before she had to meet up with her new patient so she decided to have some quiet time to herself in her office.

Addison checked the time on her watch and realized that she was late to her consult at St. Ambrose, she had completely lost her train of thought reading over Lauren's file and familiarizing herself with the case. She grabbed her bag and headed to the elevator. As she crossed the foyer a familiar voice stopped her in her steps.

"Hey Addie so I have gossip about the office and it's the really juicy kind," The brunette said as she caught Addison from behind.

"I'm sorry Amelia, but I don't have time for gossip right now. I'm late for a consult and it's an urgent case, maybe we can talk about this later. How does lunch sound?" Addison asked the woman beside her not meaning to come off as annoyed but rather as just frustrated.

"Uhh, yeah lunch sounds good. I'll just meet you at the hospital in the cafeteria say around 1?" Amelia was a little taken back by Addison's tone and comments, she knew that Addison was sad about Jake leaving and thought that she might need someone to talk to, but she guessed that this wasn't the case and peacefully backed down from her earlier attempt to talk to the tall woman.

* * *

**AT ST. AMBROSE**

The tall red head quietly made her way through the halls of the OBGYN wing of the hospital in search of room 3741. She located the room as she made a left down the corridor and introduced herself to the soon-to-be mother.

"Lauren Jacobs?" She asked in a questioning tone to the woman in the bed, hoping that was the right patient.

The woman nodded at Addison's words and looked at her with wide eyes. She noticed that the doctor too is pregnant as is around the same gestation as herself and wondered about the child that she was carrying.

"Good Morning Lauren, my name is Dr. Addison Montgomery-Reilly and I'll be the surgeon on your case. Do you have any questions regarding your daughter's condition?"

"What possible questions could I ask about my miracle child, who I'm going to raise completely on my own has a life threatening condition that could severely impair her quality of life? Save it, I've already heard it all so don't pitty me."

Addison was shocked at this outburst but still remained calm enough to maintain her composure.

"I just wanted to let you know, that I am one the best in this field and that I will do everything in my power to make sure that your daughter is healthy and happy."

Lauren looked at Addison, scanning up and down her body and focusing her gaze at the ever present little bump on her midsection. She was jealous because her doctor was going to have a perfectly healthy baby with a loving husband to raise with her generous surgeon's income, whilst she was going to raise this child alone on a single wage that was just enough to cover the living costs and have a little extra on the side. Lauren was jealous of Addison, and Addison knew it.

"Don't look at me like that, ok. You reassure yourself because you're blessed and you're fortunate and let me guess everything is served on a silver platter to you." Lauren started "That's the think about doctors you're all arrogant and you come in here with you're healthy baby bump and have to rub it in everyone's faces. Just do what you have to do and leave me be."

Addison knew that the woman was being difficult because she was scared. She knew that she had to open up to her. It wasn't something that she was comfortable doing seeing as she couldn't even do it with Jake but as unprofessional as it was it had to be done to show Ms Jacobs that everyone has their own personal struggles and we all get through them.

* * *

**I promise all of you that more is coming, we are working at new chapter and we have a lot of ideas. For the ones who are wondering Derek doesn't know of the baby because he doesn't show at the appointment with Addison and Jake in NYC, but maybe soon or later he will have a role on the story.**

**...by the way, what do you think of the baby's nickname? And, do you like Addison' and Jake's couple dynamics?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter - 4 **

**To all the readers thank you for your reviews and sorry for the late update. I really hope you all will like this new chapter we wrote. Review and advices are as always more than welcome. Enjoy!**

* * *

"_Los Angeles has done wonderful things to me, Los Angeles has been my home. It's where I found her and I found my life, but like all good things sometimes change is good. Seattle's different, Seattle's real, the weather doesn't mask itself behind a fake smile but actually changes with the season to let you know that the cycle continues and that you're growing. __I think a lot now ever since I first landed in Seattle about my life and how Addison used to always go on about missed opportunities. Maybe this is it, maybe this is the opportunity that could change our lives."_

* * *

"Lauren, I know how delicate this situation is for you…" Addison told to her patient.

"Shut up, you don't know anything at all… You came here showing off your perfectly healthy pregnancy and rubbing it in everybody's faces!"

"This is not about me, this is about you, and the only reason I'm here is to give you and your baby a chance, if you want to listen to me, I'm here and I will take good care of you, if not, there's the door, I will walk out of and you will never ever see or hear from me again… it's your decision, Lauren!"

"I'm sorry, I was rude… Please, Dr Montgomery… I need you, and want you to help me and my baby!" her words were sincere this time and Addison knew she was just a scary mother.

"Listen, Lauren, I have the obligation to inform you that there is no cure for the condition that your baby has, only a temporary treatment that will improve her quality of life, so in some cases parents have chosen to terminate the pregnancy. If the pregnancy is carried to term, the newborn needs an operation a few days later, so the spinal cord can be pushed back into the spinal column", Lauren was listening Addison's words with grave concern for the health of her child "…but we have a third option" said Addison "and this is why I'm here, I could operate on your baby while it's still in utero. The studies performed have indicated that children who had their spinal surgery in utero have had a higher percentage of leg function, compared with those who had the surgery after birth. Forty-two percent of the children who had been operated on in the womb could walk without crutches compared with 21% in the postnatal surgery group… But I can't deny that this is a risky procedure for both fetus and mother!"

"What kind of risks?" Lauren asked putting a protective hand on her womb.

"Premature birth for the baby, uterus rupture for the mother. This risk carries over to future pregnancies, which is why any woman who has this surgery during her pregnancy will need to deliver her next babies by cesarean section before the labor starts."

"I don't know what to think, Dr Montgomery…"

"It is normal, Lauren, you have to process all of this new information and to decide what is best for you and the baby", Lauren nodded, "If you want, I'll be there for you whatever you decide to do."

"I'm sorry for what I said to you before, I had no reason to judge you!"

"You're scared, I get that all expectant mothers are, regardless of whether they have healthy pregnancies or not, I know from experience professionally and personally. Everyday I panic at the thought that something might go wrong with this baby and I've seen it all which only adds to my stress, but I don't let it overcome me. I reassure myself that every thing I do for this child is for the best and I know that at the end of the day all of my worries will disappear when I hold it in my arms for the first time. I will be back tomorrow, Lauren, If you decide to take undergo the surgery I will operate on you with the help of a neurosurgeon, Dr. Amelia Shepherd. Try to rest and be free to decide what is the best for you!"

* * *

It was 1:30pm when Addison finally made it to the cafeteria where she found a less than impressed Amelia.

"I'm so sorry Amelia, my consult ran longer than expected. How long have you been waiting here?"

"Well I finished up early and thought that you would too, so by the looks of it, I've been here for about an hour."

"Ok I'm really sorry but I have something to make it up to you." Addison then pulled out two gourmet sandwiches from the popular deli down the street and a thick and sweet cupcake from the bakery next door to it. "Does this make up for my tardiness?"

"YES!" Amelia's eyes widened at the food in front of her. She couldn't remember the last time she ate that day and the sandwiches were a sight for sore eyes when she thought that they were going to have to eat the hospital food.

"So what was this gossip that you were dying to tell me this morning?"

"Oh Derek called the other day, it seems that Meredith is going to have a C-section next week and get this Nancy's doing it! Apparently all my family is in Seattle for the event of the century!"

"Oh god, Nancy really agreed to that? I mean I'm no fan or Meredith but Nancy was far worse than I was to her."

"I know but Derek kind of guilted her into it remember when you delivered all of their kids and supposedly took time away from Derek? Well this was just returning the gesture."

"Well I mean I'm happy for him, for them. He's always wanted a family and she's giving him that." Addison begins to tear up at the thought of Derek being happy without her and the possibility of him not loving this child.

"You haven't told him, have you?" Amelia suddenly became concerned when Addison's face dropped.

Addison became defensive after that comment because she was not ready to face the reality and decided to go back into professional mode to quickly change the subject. "It doesn't concern you Amelia, anyway in regards to Lauren, we have to approach this situation very delicately. She's already exhibiting signs of high blood pressure and I don't want to place extra stress on her body."

Amelia was a little shocked with her quick dismissal and decided to leave it, but she knew that it will come up again sooner or later and Addie will be more receptive but for now it was back to the patient. "Uhh yeah sure Addie um whatever your preference is," she said as she continued to eat her sandwich.

The two of them talked of another hour about how they were doing to approach Lauren's surgery, each of them accounting for the high potential for complications brought on by a number of different factors that weren't in Lauren's favor. After discussing every possibility and scenario the two of them agreed on their approach and went to schedule the surgery for 2 days time.

* * *

It was 9pm that night when Addison heard the phone ring from her lounge room. She was alone and was quietly enjoying a book by the fireplace as the rain lashed against her windows.

Addison walked over to the kitchen bench and reached for the phone on its cradle and answered it. "Hello?" She answered the phone completely oblivious to who could be on the other side.

"It's' so good to hear your voice, but it would be better to have you here and hold you in my arms," the deep and soothing voice said into the receiver.

"Jake!" The red head squealed into the phone. "I miss you so much, you have no idea how lonely this house is without you, Chicco and I are trying to amuse ourselves but have so far been unsuccessful."

"Oh, so Amelia hasn't been coming around?" Jake asked his wife with concern.

"So you're the one who set Amelia up to babysit me? You know I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," Addison replied to her husband.

"Well to be honest, it was her idea and I just happened to agree with it, she's just looking for a friend Addie. She misses you and feels like the two of you are drifting apart and you're starting to become distant with her."

"Oh gosh, I didn't even realize with everything lately I've just been focused with my work you know."

"I know honey, in our line of work it's perfectly ok to do that every now and then."

"Yeah but it's not fair on her. Anyway, how have you been? How's the conference?"

"The conference is going fantastically, I've met so many talented surgeons here and one of them has even offered me a job at their hospital after my lecture on improved embryo transfers to ensure higher success rates. He has a hospital in Washington and even offered me my own department with the finest staff and supplies on the west coast. You would love him Addie, such a gentleman."

"That's great, but you're not going to take it right?"

"The offer's temping Addie, I'll give him that but honestly I think that I'm considering it."

"You can't be serious Jake. We have a life here, a practice and a house!"

"Just hear me out, Addison. This could be the fresh start that we need, Washington is a good state and has a lot of great places to raise a child." Jake knew that Addison was hesitant towards moving, especially now that she was pregnant but he knew that she would eventually cave in if he just persisted enough. "Plus he said that the hours are flexible and, eventually, with your skills there would be a position for you on the staff."

"I just, I don't know Jake. This is a lot of information to take in tonight. I'll call you tomorrow ok honey, I'm just really tired. I love you." Addison wasn't really tired but she knew that this was a conversation that should be dealt with in person and not over the phone.

"I love you too honey, I promise I'll be home before you know it. Say hi to little Chicco for me too, goodnight sweetheart." Jake hung up the phone and turned the light off. Moving to Seattle was going to be a big deal for Addison but he knew that this was what she needed. Over the next few days his friend Richard was going to show him around the hospital and he was going to look around at the real estate. Their first wedding anniversary was soon approaching and this was going to be the perfect gift for their growing family.

* * *

The day had finally come for Lauren's surgery and Addison Montgomery was more prepared than ever. Surgery was a place where Addison could clear her head and focus on the thing that she loved. There she didn't have to worry about Jake or the baby or the possibility of moving to Seattle again, no in surgery Addison was composed and confident, fearless even. Everyone that had ever had the pleasure to work with her, they always commented on her professionalism and flawless work.

"You look pale" Amelia noticed as Addison was preparing Lauren's belly before inserting the instruments for the surgery "Are you sure to feel well?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Amelia, I'm just concerned about the surgery", she took a deep breath to relax before starting.

They were in the middle of the surgery, when Amelia noticed Addison's forehead bathed in sweat, "Dr Shepherd, you should be more concerned about the surgery you're performing or the patient's conditions rather than mine" Addison replied at the continuous Amelia's glimpses, "You're sweating, you look pale… and you're pregnant! I promised Jake to take care of you…"

"Amelia, it's 30°C in this OR, it's perfectly normal sweating, now, please, focus on the surgery!"

Addison had finally hit the halfway point of the surgery, all of the hard work was almost, when all of a sudden she felt her abdomen tense up and begin to cramp. The pain was so sharp and severe that it caused Addison to drop her instruments and cringe in agony. She knew that people were watching her but she had to keep going, she was badass and Addison never left a surgery half done, no matter what.

"Addie! Addison are you ok?" Amelia said as her eyes were stuck on the sight of her fellow surgeon bent over.

"I'm fine Amelia, it's just some bad side effects from the salad I ate before the surgery. It'll pass on soon enough." Addison went to stand up again and went to continue the surgery as if nothing had ever happened.

"Addison you don't look fine, people that are fine don't just cringe in pain in the middle of a surgery."

"Amelia, focus on the surgery, please"

About 2 hours later, Addison was ready to end the surgery, she was finally ready to remove the laparoscopic instruments from Lauren's belly and tidy up "Thank you every one for the help, if we are lucky this kid will have a normal life!"

The OR was finally closing down for the end of the surgery. Lauren was being wheeled out, the scrub nurses were discarding the trash and cleaning down the equipment, when Addison walked into the scrub room to scrub out. All of a sudden the cramping started up again and her lower abdomen cringed this time more violently then before. Tears were flowing out of her eyes as her hands instantly reached down to her little bump in the hopes of protecting her child.

"What is happening?" She whispered to herself. "Please be ok."

As Addison raised her gaze from her stomach to the window, she room started to spin and instantly faded to black. Before she knew it Addison had passed out cold on the ground.

Amelia was still in the O.R. writing up the final post op notes from the surgery and looked over to the scrub room window. She could have swore that she saw Addison go in there a minute ago but she simply dismissed the thought because she knew that Addison wasn't feeling well and probably wanted to get away from her. When she had signed the bottom of the chart, Amelia headed to the scrub room in the hopes of maybe trying to catch up with Addison in the hallway to see if she was ok. After all Jake had told her to take care of Addie and god knows that if anything had happened to her she would feel so guilty. Her hands pushed the door open as she made her way into room and pushed the on button for the faucet, Amelia sensed that something wasn't right. She looked down and gasped at the sight of her best friend unconscious on the ground.

"Addie! Addie! Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Reilly, you wake up now oh so god help me! I need a nurse! Someone help me!"

* * *

**Meanwhile in Seattle**

The conference in Vancouver had gone rather better than expected and Jake had suddenly found himself in Seattle.

"Jake, I really appreciated your decision to turn upside-down your plans for being here!" his new friend Richard and possible future mentor told him, while he was showing the hallways of the hospital "I admit I'm not an expert of your field, but your report impressed me, and I immediately knew you were the perfect man to run the maternal-infant department of our hospital! I already talked with the rest of the board, and I presented them your credential and curriculum, we all think you are our golden boy!"

"Richard, I really thank you, you are offering me a very important role in one of the biggest hospitals of the country, this is really a huge opportunity for me!"

"Do you talk with your wife? You told me she wasn't really sure about moving here in Seattle…"

"It isn't easy, we are our lives and our practices in LA… and we are going to have a baby, but I can't deny your offer is really tempting me!"

"I'm sure she will love Seattle, it's a great city!"

"I think it's a little too 'wet' for her, she loves LA, it's her safe place… It's our safe place!"

"But I guess sometimes change is good" Richard said with a genuinely smile "You have no idea how may lives I've seen change over my time at this hospital"… Why don't you take a look at the estates and surprise her with a new house and an annual 2 million dollars check!"

"This is what I have in mind, I have an appointment with Ms Sander at 2 pm to see a house!"

"I'm so grateful that you're taking us up on our offer, Dr. Reilly! Where's the new house at?"

"Queen Ann" Jake replied "I need something to surprise my wife, especially if I want to move here and take the job… a 3 level contemporary house, with panoramic views of the city, water and mountains, 3 bedrooms and swimming pool, it's stunning and maybe can help her changing idea!"

"Does she work?" Richard asked

"Yes, we work together, we run together our own practice in LA. She's an ob/gyn and many other things… She's really good at her job, she's one of the smartest women I've ever known"

"If she's so good as you said I thing we could easily offer a job at her too…"

"That would be great Richard!"

A breathless intern ran into Richard and Jake "Dr Webber…"

"What's going on son? Spit it out is there something bad enough for you to interrupt me in my meeting with Dr. Reilly here?"

"It's Dr Grey" the intern said panting.

Richard understood immediately that something was wrong, "Dr Webber, we need help in the OR 3... Dr Nancy Shepherd needs help for the C-section of Meredith, she has an hemorrhage, she's losing a lot of blood… We performed a blood transfusion..."

"How is the baby?" Richard asked concerned

"He is born… but…"

"But what?" he raised his voice, but he was more worry than angry.

"Dr Webber, we ran into the OR after noticing the decrease of the fetal heart rate…"

"I perfectly know the reason of the C-section… What I'm asking for are the conditions of the baby!"

"The delivery was complicated by meconium. He suffered asphyxia, Dr Webber, he had a low Apgar score after birth, but they already carried him in the NICU, he will be fine, the problem now is Meredith, she's losing blood and the uterus is not contracting properly…"

"Can I do something for you, Richard?" Jake asked.

"Jake, I know that you haven't officially started working here and you're new and all but if I grant you privileges can you please scrub in and help Dr. Nancy Shepherd-Parker operate on Meredith. I normally wouldn't ask you for something like this or place you in an uncomfortable situation but the young woman on the table Dr. Grey, Meredith, she's like my daughter and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her."

* * *

**What do you think? Let us know... Review, review, review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everybody, thank you for reading and reviewing and for your precious opinions and advices, we take good cares of you suggest us. This is finally the new chapter, I hope you all will like it, but it's a little "angsty", so don't hate us... It's set mostly in Seattle...**

**Chapter 5 **

* * *

"_Since I was young I always knew the importance of family. The ones that I have loved have always been my world but the ones who have meant the most were taken from me far too soon._ _I was only a kid when I lost my father, a selfish arrogant surgeon when I lost my best friend and an absent husband when I lost the love of my life. It's rare find that one person that is your life, that is your world, who you go when it all falls apart. I've loved and I've lost and through each of these experiences I still find myself unable to comprehend how it all fell apart."_

* * *

A couple of hours later Nancy and Jake walked out of the OR looking rather defeated. All of the Shepherd's family members were there waiting and expecting good news. It should have just been a preliminary visit before the elective C-section scheduled for next week, but when the routine cardiotocography showed the baby was in distress, Nancy frantically carried Meredith in the OR to perform an emergency Cesarean section.

More than two hours had passed and when Derek saw the to doctors automatically assumed the worst, he couldn't stop the tears pour out of his eyes, and suddenly all his pain turned to anger when he saw an unfamiliar doctor approached him.

Nancy began to talk to her brother trying to rationalize the situation at hand.

"Der" she sighed, "I have some good news and some bad news and I'm going to let you decide what you want to hear first."

"Nancy, I don't have time for jokes, just tell me what happened in there! You ran in the OR without even talking to me to explain the conditions of my wife and child!" Derek said through his violent sobbing.

"Calm down, please! The good news is that Meredith and the baby are ok now, but when I delivered the baby he was in serious distress and didn't breath soon, the amniotic fluid was brownish and he aspired meconium, thank god the neonatologist arrived soon… He is in the NICU now and for the moment his conditions are stable, pediatricians will run some tests in the next days to see if he suffered any damage…." Nancy was really stressed, Jake noticed her troubles and her emotions to explain to her own family what happened in the OR "He's a beautiful bubbly baby boy, he will be fine! …About Meredith…"

"Nancy, you don't have to do this" Jake started as he noticed Nancy's troubles and her emotions to explain to her own family what happened during the surgery.

"Who the hell are you? You don't get to talk to me about my wife. I don't even know who you are, who let you touch my wife?" he began to raise his voice

"Derek, please, calm down!" Liz begged her brother "Let them explain the situation, you are a doctor too, you know emergency surgeries have more risks than elective!"

Nancy tried to say something "…Meredith had 2 very large uterine myomas… They preclude me a satisfactory hysterotomy, and I need to deliver the baby as soon as possible… there was a torrential bleeding" she started sobbing "I'm so sorry…"

Derek stopped her "I think you've done enough now Nancy!" he said rudely

"Please, try to be rational, I understand you're scared and angry, but we have to explain what happened in the OR" Jake said in a very polite way "I'm Dr Jake Reilly, and I'm the ob/gyn who helped Nancy during the surgery" Jake presented himself to the family "As we were trying to say, the cesarean delivery has been complicated by the large myomas in the lower uterine segment. It didn't allow us to perform a classical transversal incision, so a vertical uterine incision has been done. Sadly the surgery was complicated by a torrential hemorrhage, we administered oxytocic drugs, but they didn't help the uterine atony… the only thing we could do to stop it was performing a hysterectomy. I'm really sorry…"

Derek was very angry, "I've never seen you here before, and you weren't meant to be in that fucked OR, and I don't get why the first damn ob/gyn who passed in this shitty hospital operated on my wife!" he yelled at Jake

"Dr Webber, ask me to help Nancy" Jake tried to explain politely, "Listen, sir, I know this is one of the worst moment of your entire life..." but as Jake started to talk, Derek got even angrier "You had no right to be in there! I don't know about you credentials or history. That's not just any woman in there that's my wife. Don't act like you know everything because you don't... and you, Nancy, you, you are a total incompetent!"

"Hey, calm down, this wasn't Nancy's fault! She did her best on that OR" Jake said, but in that moment Derek was so angry that he tried to punch Jake in the face, "Son, don't do this, you're feeling a rush of emotions and you're going to regret it tomorrow" Richard said stopping is surgeon, he moved to him and tried to reassure him as a father did with his child.

In that moment Jake got the hints that Nancy didn't want to be there as he saw her looking at the ground defeated. He placed his hand on her shoulder and offered to buy her a cup of coffee from the cafeteria so that she didn't have to deal with her family right now. The two of them walked away, leaving Derek, Carolyn, Richard and Lizzie to take in what had just happened.

"…Addison should have done the surgery, she's the best and we should have had the best." Derek said with tears in his eyes.

"Derek, you know that Nancy is a perfectly capable surgeon and Addison would have probably done the same thing," Lizzie said trying to take the burden off of Nancy.

"No, Nancy didn't do everything she could, we all know that she doesn't like Meredith so she didn't care. She only did what was convenient." Derek continued as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket "I'm calling Addison!".

"Now Derek I know that you're feeling a whole wave of emotion right now but you can't talk to your sister in that way, no matter what the circumstances are! She cares about Meredith and would not let it affect her professionalism in the OR. Addison, on the other hand isn't as capable of doing so." Carolyn added.

"I can't believe you're saying this Mom, Addison is the best and you know it. You just never liked her so that has obviously clouded your judgement or don't you remember the 9 nieces and 4 nephews that she's delivered for your daughters?"

"Derek I'm just warning you that you don't know what you're going to do in this state of mind."

"I'm calling Addison and that's final. She'll fly out here and fix this."

"Derek honey, Nancy and this new doctor, Dr Reilly, can fix Meredith and that. Robbins can help the baby." Lizzie interrupted, "All you want to do it's blame another doctor for what happened, as you already did with Nancy and Dr Reilly!"

Derek didn't care for his family opinions, so he began to dial the familiar numbers on his phone, a part of him always looked forward to talking to her and regardless of this situation he just needed to hear her voice so that she could tell him that every thing was going to be ok and she was going to fix this.

"Amelia? What are you doing with Addison's phone?"

"Derek why are you calling? Is everything ok?"

"No everything is not ok, where's Addison?"

"What's wrong Derek?!" Amelia asked scared.

"Amelia, Meredith went into labor early and there were a few complications with the emergency c-section and there's something wrong with the baby, now let me talk with Addison!" he said rudely

"Oh God Derek! I'm so sorry. Is Mom there?"

"Ugh yeah, Amelia I need you to put Addison on the phone I really just need to talk to Addie."

"She can't talk to you right now, Derek."

"Look I know that she's busy with work and things but I really need her right now she' s the only one that can help me."

"Derek, Addison's in hospital right now."

"Yes, Amelia we've already established that she's a busy woman."

"No Derek, Addison got admitted to St. Ambrose this afternoon. She's unconscious and we don't know what's going on." Amelia was tearing up and her voice trembling out of concern for her former sister. Derek, I don't know what to do. I was supposed to take care of her. How could I be so stupid and blind? I... oh god Derek if anything happens to her I don't know what to do. I just... Derek, trust me, now is not a good time to talk with Addison."

"Amelia, calm down and take some deep breaths and explain to me slowly and in detail what happened."

Amelia followed her brother's instructions and took a deep breath and started to speak as he held back the next wave of sobs.

"We had just finished an in-utero surgery on a dear patient of ours and everything was going perfectly. The mother and baby were fine and our work was textbook. Addie told me that she was going to meet me in the cafeteria for lunch in a few minutes because she had to run a quick errand and I was too busy filling out post-op notes to notice her facial expression. The next thing I know I'm walking into the scrub room and she's out cold on the floor. Derek, we don't know what's wrong with her and I'm so scared. I can't lose her Derek, don't let them take away my Addie."

"What the hell is wrong today with my sisters?!" he sighed "Amy, I have no time with this crap, Addison's going to be fine she's just probably exhausted. You know how it is working with her and how she can go for hours on end without eating something. She will be fine, just put on her an IV with electrolites… And tell her that I need her in Seattle as soon as possible! Amy, you need to do this for me and my family."

"No Derek, not this time. You come in calling when you need her but all of the times that she needed you, you just ignored her. I'm going to stand up for Addison because I have the balls to say to you what she's too afraid to. You, Derek Shepherd are an ass, an unsympathetic ass. You don't think that the bare thought of the man that she loved for over eleven years just had a baby to his dirty mistress turned wife? What you're living the dream with her instead of with Addison? Then what expect her to drop her busy schedule for you when god knows what's going to happen to her? No you don't get to be the hero this time Derek, not now, not ever. I'm going to do what Addison should have done a long time ago."

It was with that, that Amelia hung up the phone. She was too emotional to deal with other people's problems now and wanted to get back to Addison, to see how she was. Amelia made her way over to Addison's bed. She was conscious now and she was talking with a resident "The electrolites will hell you with the cramps, Dr Montgomery, you were dehydrated, and you know better than anyone that this can triggering contractions, but to be sure that everything is fine I have to visit you and to perform an ultrasound."

* * *

Nancy was sitting alone at one of the tables in the corner of the cafeteria at SGH, Jake approached her with two hot cups of coffee and two blueberry muffins in an attempt to cheer up the down surgeon. As he sat down next to her, he pulled out his blackberry to check if there were any missed calls or messages left for him, but after staring at the blank screen he proceeded to turn his phone off and place it back into his pocket.

"It's been a very long day," he said as he took a sip off his coffee.

"It's been an awful day," Nancy corrected as she buried her head in her arms.

"Don't be so pessimistic, it could be worse, we could lose Meredith or the baby… or even both!"

"You are a good person Jake, to not talk about your quality as surgeon… I don't know what I could do in that OR without your help!"

"You were too involved, professionally and emotionally, but this didn't stop you, Nancy, you did a great job in there, you try to contract that uterus with your hands, you tried everything to save the uterus…"

"…but sadly my brother doesn't think the same… She called me incompetent!"

"I'm sure he doesn't really think it… right now, he is a destroyed man with child and wife in intensive unit… If I was in his shoes, maybe I would react like him"

"He is an ass, a selfish ass! He thinks he is the only one with problems… but what about me? Does he care for my problems? I'm 47 year old, I have 4 kids and I'm getting divorce after more than 20 years of marriage" she started sobbing "sorry…"

"It's ok, Nancy" he offered her a tissue

"Sorry, Jake, I didn't want to bother you with my personal problems!" she said drying the tears from her eyes

"Sometimes talking with a stranger helps us, we can be truthful and brutally honest with our interlocutor"

"Thank you! I just feel like sometimes it's just enough. I love him, I do, but in the face of it all we aren't the people that we were when we first met. Sometimes it's just better to let go. To be at peace…" she said taking a bite of the muffin Jake brought.

"My wife and I are expecting a baby" he suddenly confessed, "Congratulations!" Nancy said, but she soon noticed Jake wasn't happy, "…but it isn't mine…"

"Oh" she replied surprised "…and why are you still together? ...Sorry, it was brutal!"

"No… it's just complicated… she didn't cheat on me, I'm a fertility specialist, and my wife… well, my wife is barren", Nancy listened to Jake interested by that strange confession, "and the thing she wanted more in her life was a child…"

"You could try adoption…"

"We tried adoption, but it didn't work… we also tried assisted reproduction, it didn't work neither… So, in the end, we decided to implant her cryopreserved embryos from her previous marriage… and it worked!" he said laughing ironically.

"And how do you feel about this whole situation?"

"I love seeing her pregnant because she's so radiant and happy but it makes me think that maybe I don't belong to this because I didn't give her this happiness that she so longingly sought. I question my place in it all almost everyday wondering if maybe I just don't belong. What happens if when the father eventually finds out wants to have a role in his child's life? What if he tries to win over Addison? How am I meant to compete with the father of that yet or even deny him of his parental rights? I want to be happy, but honestly the whole thought of it all makes me queasy and I just don't know what to do…"

"Does he know about the baby?"

"Who?"

"Her ex-husband!"

"It's complicated…" then he admitted "we contacted him, but he refused to talk to us…So he doesn't know..."

"He sounds like more of an ass than my husband," Nancy replied as a small smile appeared on her face. "You, my friend, have one messy situation that not even my divorce can trump, touché you win this round."

* * *

**Dear readers, what do you think? let us know, reviews are more than welcome**

**...Jake doesn't know that who is talking with is his wife's former family in law... After all Shepherd is a very common surname... **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - in this new chapter we finally find about Addison's condition, and some important decisions will be taken. Questions you asked on your precious reviews will find an answer in the text. I hope you will like it as much we like writing it. Reviews are always more than welcome.**

"_It's always strange to think about our pasts and how they've shaped who we are today. We spend all of this time trying to be someone and trying to move on when one small thing can haunt our entire being. Memories, no matter how big or small they are there's always something about them that causes you to get lost in them even for a second. The past was always something that plagued my mind with bitter regret and sorrow but for some reason it was all that I could find myself thinking about. It's the subtle reminders of him that send my senses into overdrive and flood my mind with the memories of us. Unfortunately no matter how hard we try, we can never leave our past behind."_

* * *

Charlotte King walked into Addison's hospital room with the intention of lecturing the surgeon about the dangers of her overworking in her current condition and the repercussions of her actions on her and her unborn child's health. As she approached the surgeon, she couldn't help but notice the absent look on her face. Addison was always one to put up a fight but she looked somewhat defeated after checking her phone.

"Montgomery, it's nice to see you alive and not unconscious on my surgical floor."

"It's nice to see you too Charlotte. I'm fine and ready to be discharged!"

Addison was really starting to get sick of staying at the hospital, yes it was true that the hospital was in fact her second home but after being put in the patient's shoes Addison just wanted to escape.

"Addison, I'm going to put it straight with you because you're a doctor and I know that you have half a brain. Do you know why you're here?"

Addison stared at the doctor with an annoyed expression; of course she knew why she was here.

"Yes, I was doing an operation and I got a bit nauseous from the lunch I ate. It was just a bad case of food poisoning."

"I guess I was wrong, you don't have half a brain Montgomery. You're here because you collapsed whilst scrubbing out on a surgery, that you could have collapsed during mind you. When we found you, your labs indicated that you were severely dehydrated and anemic. Addison you have to slow down, I know that when things aren't going right you throw yourself into your work to mask whatever it is that you want to stop yourself from feeling. But things are different now, you're pregnant and that baby inside of you is dependent on you being healthy so that it can grow. I'm not judging you or your abilities as a mother but Addison this is a bad road that you're heading down and I want you to know that you need to take a step back because I know how much you love this baby and I don't want you to lose it."

Addison was hit hard by Charlotte's words, she had said what was paining Addison and all she wanted to do was run away from everything, but being Addison she didn't want to break down in front of her superior so she forced down her emotions and addressed the doctor in a calm and confident manner.

"Charlotte, my last set of labs are perfectly normal for a pregnant woman, and all the test I did, included the cervicometry, showed that me and my baby are perfectly fine. I'm already on bed rest as ordered by the ob/gyn who visited me, and I've been administered fluids to keep me hydrated, I'm already following an iron therapy and taking my prenatal vitamins. I'm not asking to go to work or perform another surgery. I just want to go home, please."

"Alright Montgomery you can go home, just don't let me regret my decision."

Addison's face lit up like a child at Christmas as soon as she heard the good news, she immediately started to gather her things and pack her bags.

Amelia showed in Addison's room carrying a wheelchair and pushed it alongside Addison's bed "Doctor's order, sorry Addie!"

"You know I don't need it, Amelia!" She protested.

"I know you're going to hate me but for your information it is…"

"It is hospital protocol!" Addison sighed and finished the sentence for Amelia. She followed her sister's instructions as she grabbed her handbag and sat in the wheelchair. She didn't really care that much because the thought of home and finally being at peace in her own home was enough compensate for all of her objections. "How is Lauren?" She asked as the two of them left the hospital.

"She's fine! I can affirm she looked better than you!"

"Very funny, Amelia! Since I'm forced to stay at home on bed rest, I need you to check on her and the baby daily. This was a very delicate surgery, Amelia…"

"Addie, for a moment, just for a moment, stop thinking at your job, and focus on you and your baby!"

* * *

AT HOME

Amelia had just taken Addison home and made sure if she needed anything. As much as Addison protested to her help Amelia knew that this was the only way to please Charlotte and she knew that deep down inside under all of that frustration Addison was also grateful. She then excused herself and went back to work for the duration of her shift.

Addison sat in her bed and placed her hand on the swell of her stomach. She reached for her phone on her beside table and checked to see if Jake had called, but there were no messages. It had been over the day before since he called and normally he would make sure that they talked at least once a day. Maybe he was just busy with all of this work at the conference and he also had to check out this new hospital but then her mind drifted to her biggest insecurity and her gravest fear, maybe Jake's growing absence was because he was starting to become indifferent, maybe he wasn't coming back. She was starting to panic as all of the thoughts of what Derek had done were coming back. The tears were falling from her eyes and she tried to control herself 'These are just the hormones, Addie', but nothing was working and her fears were growing the more that she thought about it "He's going to leave me!"

* * *

SEATTLE

Jake and Nancy were still at the cafeteria of SGH, they met just a couple of hours before during a complicated surgery, but they seemed already good friends, and after a very long morning they were even able to laugh, "You are really a good man, Jake" Nancy said "It seems like we know since ever!"

"I have the same feelings, Nancy" in that moment Jake's phone rang he looked at the display "Sorry, this is important… Hello…yes… I confirm the appointment" he looked at his Rolex "in about an hour… Queen Anne…We can meet there… See you later, Mr. Jacobs" he closed the phone and referring to Nancy, "Are you busy this afternoon?"

"I should spend my afternoon with my family, but rather to stay with them I prefer go to hell… Why? " she asked sipping again her coffee.

"I have an appointment with a real estate agent… And I would like a second opinion, especially a lady's one!"

"So are you taking seriously Dr. Webber's offer?"

"Yeah, it's a great opportunity for my career, but I think it wouldn't be easy convince my wife…"

"You want play the card of the house, don't you?"

"Yeah… I hope it works! We live in a house in front of the sea in Santa Monica, it would be hard to convince her to move from sunny Los Angeles to the rainiest city in the country."

"Trust me if she truly loves you she'll understand and she'll move. Just between us, my sister in-law, well my former sister-in-law, moved into a trailer for over a year in the hopes of winning back my brother!"

"I would never do that to her! God, I could never imaging what my wife would do to me if I made her move into a trailer," he said laughing about the thought of Addison living in a trailer with him. "She's a high maintenance woman."

"Where's this house?"

"Queen Anne… Do you want see it?"

"Of course!"

Nancy and Jake arrived at the appointment with Mr. Jacobs, "Mr. and Mrs. Reilly, I guess" the agent asked as the two doctors arrived at the appointment, "Jake Reilly and she's a friend of mine, Dr. Shepherd" Jake said

"Jake this house is stunning" Nancy commented as she admired the exterior of the modern construction.

"You said the perfect word, Dr. Shepherd, this is a stunning 3-level contemporary house with an amazing view of city, mountains and water… You can see the Space Needle from here!"

"Can I take some pictures?" Jake asked to the seller, "I'd like to show them to my wife. She's in Los Angeles"

"Of course, Mr. Reilly! Do you want to finish the exterior before going inside?"

"Sure" Jake said "There is also a pool?"

"Yes, it's on the back side, there is also a 2-car garage"

"How big is the lot?" Nancy asked seriously interested in the house

"0.20 acres"

"3 – level house, Dr. Shepherd!" Mr. Jacobs started the tour outside the house "This stunning contemporary home on Queen Anne's south slope enjoys panoramic views that stretch from the Cascades to the Olympics, embracing the city skyline, Puget Sound and Mt. Rainier. Built with extraordinary attention to detail and the finest surfaces, the house is also endowed with the latest high-tech advancements. Virtually everything is automated, from media equipment to window coverings. Even the water temperature of this lovely lap pool can be regulated with the touch of a finger."

As they finished to see the exterior, Mr. Jacobs invited them to come in inside the house, "The house was completed in 2009, and, I said before, it has an high tech minimal style"

Jake admired the interior and commented "Wow! I really like it!"

"It's huge! I thought my brother's house was big, but this is actually bigger"

"Glass wall and door bring this tranquil outdoor setting into soaring 2-story foyer with picture window looking out on sculptural water feature. There is a living area with a built-in bar and south-facing glass wall with door to terrace overlooking back yard, pool, city, water and mountains."

Jake admired the house while Mr. Jacobs completed the house tour "Main floor master suite offers wrap-around view windows, gas fireplace, terrace access, dressing area and abundant closet space." Jake took a look at the closet, to be sure it was enough big for Addison wardrobe, "Master bath has views, jetted platform tub, glass-walled shower and double sinks. Second bedroom on main floor served by another complete bath. Striking steel staircase leads to second level with kitchen and adjoining dining and informal living spaces. Open floor plan ideal for entertaining also maximizes natural light and views. Kitchen features dark bamboo floors, mahogany cabinetry, granite counters and center island. Top-notch appliances include Sub-Zero refrigerator/freezer, Viking 6-burner gas range and dishwasher. Adjacent family room has vaulted ceilings, clerestory windows, gas fireplace and access to terrace with breathtaking vistas. Dining area with built-in buffet and open wall overlooking entry, mahogany-appointed office with private north-facing terrace, and powder room complete second level. Lower level has media room with high-tech equipment and access to slate terrace. There is also an inviting guest suite with full kitchen, with another bathroom quarter bath and terrace access. All rooms have air conditioning and radiant heated floors. There are double pane storm windows, security system, cable TV, high speed Internet… Trust me, Mr. Reilly, this is the best investment you can do for your family!"

"If I was your wife, I had no doubts about this place!"

Jake admired again the beautiful modern house and the vaulted ceilings, he was already picturing him, Addison and their little baby living happily there, he couldn't stop a smile at the scene in his mind "Mr. Jacobs, I decide to put an offer for the house, this place is great and I can totally picturing me and my family there!" but the hardest part was to convince Addison to move there.

* * *

LOS ANGELES

Addison was in bed, sitting on the sofa not really amused about what she was seeing at the TV, her cat Milo was keeping her company peacefully sleeping near her side. She continuously changed channel, because, indeed, her mind was too busy wondering why her husband hasn't called her yet. When she suddenly heard her phone rang, without even looking at the number, she exclaimed "Honey!" she was so sure it was Jake who was calling, "Hi, Addison" she suddenly recognized the voice from the other side of the phone "I think I'm not the honey you were thinking about…"

"Derek, sorry, I was expecting a phone call by my husband, and I didn't check the number…"

"How are you?" he asked politely "Amelia, told me you didn't feel well"

She instantly and automatically put a protective hand on her little baby bump, "I'm fine now, Derek, you know the stress of our jobs and my low blood pressure" she was uncomfortable now and she didn't really want to talk with him about the real reasons why she collapsed, "I'm relaxing at home for the moment…Derek, I know you, and you didn't call me to know about my health conditions, what's wrong? Last time you called me was to inform me Mark died, so it should be something serious…"

"I need your help, Addison!"

Addison swallowed hard as she heard those words. Derek's voice sounded so fragile and so sincere that she couldn't help but feel for him. It was true that the two of them had significantly grown apart in the past few years but even being divorced didn't stop old feelings from resurfacing.

"I'm here Derek, what happened?" Derek told them all the things that happened that morning, he was destroyed, and so scared, Addison listened all his words with attention, but every word was like a stab wound for her. She needed to be as professional she could.

"It's my baby… My wife…" his voice sounded so broken "Can you please come and help, Addison? You're the only doctor I trust in this moment."

Addison paused for a moment she could face Derek, but not now. She needed Jake, Jake would fix things but right now she was all alone talking to her baby's biological father about saving the life of his other child that belonged to his real family.

"Derek, I don't know, my schedule here is pretty hectic and the doctors told me to take it easy because of my blood pressure. I'm so sorry but I can't"

"Addison I NEED YOU THOUGH, PLEASE GOD ADDIE! I did it for you"

That was it he called her Addie, sure she had heard other people call her that but whenever Derek said it, it made her knees go weak. She started to tear up as all of the memories of their life together came flooding back.

"I... I..I..I can't…I have to go, I'm so sorry." It was with that Addison hung up the phone and sat down on the bed.

"Damn!" Derek exclaimed as Addison shut down the phone, he didn't expect a 'No' by his Addie, and her behavior didn't convince him, she was surely hiding something, maybe her conditions were more serious than she told him.

"What did she say?" Carolyn asked

"She said she's busy and can't come..." he sat on the chair and put his hands on his face "She doesn't want help me mom!"

"Typical, really she's always got something better to do," Carolyn said as she tried to console her son.

"Derek, somewhere along the way you had to account for this outcome. She's not your Addie anymore and believe it or not she has her own obligations. If you need her so desperately you have to meet her halfway instead of expecting her to drop everything and come whenever you call her, she's not your wife." Liz intervened.

Those words seemed to echo in Derek's ears, 'She's not your wife', "I don't care if she's not my wife anymore, and I dropped everything to save her ass of a brother's life. Addison should do the same now!"

"Derek, you're being selfish. Firstly Addison came to you that time not vice versa so that makes this situation completely different. Second you're acknowledging her as if she is your wife, which is strangely intriguing. I'm going to have to agree with Liz on this," Kathleen said as she sipped her coffee.

Kathleen was reading into her brother's emotions trying to detect what was really at the root of his problems yes his wife and child were both in a critical condition at the moment but there was something about Addison saying 'NO' that really got to him, more than it should have.

Almost an hour later, Nancy arrived at the hospital to check on her sister-in-law' and nephew's conditions, "Where the hell have you been?" her brother protested.

"That's my business, Derek, you know the world doesn't revolve around you...now if you could all please excuse me I have some patients to check on!"

* * *

Jake put his offer on the millions dollar house in Seattle, he was thrilled and happy, and really couldn't wait to talk with his wife. So many things happened that day that the thought of calling Addison slipped his mind. He was too busy preparing this surprise for her and making sure that everything was perfect for her that he forgot to call to his precious wife.

He was dialing the familiar number when he saw her wife's number on the display.

"Did I do something wrong to upset you?" she said as soon as he answered, he heard her voice was so fragile and she was sobbing.

"Of course not, sweetheart, I was going to call you… I had a very long day, and when I called you the nurse told me you were busy in a surgery. Did you receive my messages?"

"Jake…" she was still sobbing

"Sweetheart, please, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Is everything ok? You are scaring me"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I have a very long day too, and… I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you, Jake!"

"Addison, are you sure that you're fine?" he knew there was more, "You don't seem fine to me, Addison, why are you crying? Is Chicco ok?"

"I need to know if you love me and if you're going to come back to be with me."

"Addison, of course I love you, I can't imagine my life without you", this was what she needed to hear.

"Jake, I love you!...When are you going back home to me?"

"Sooner than you imagine, sweetheart, and with some great news, I love you too Addison, and I'm goanna repeat it every time you need to hear it!"

"How was your day?" Addison asked to relieve the situation.

Jake had to cover his tracks quickly, he knew that Addison was always one to look into things deeper than they actually were, thankfully before he could tell her his day, an intern of the hospital approached him for another consult on the patient he operated early that morning "Dr. Reilly, the patient has 6.9 g/dl Hb, do you want to start the transfusion?"

Addison heard the conversation, she was relieved his husband was really busy at work, "You really love to keep a scalpel in that hand of yours, you, busy man! Better start on that transfusion on that patient of yours!"

"I'm sorry Addie but I really have to go now! I'll talk to you soon, I promise. I miss you too, babe!"

Before heading to Meredith's room, Jake sent a message to Amelia asking her if she could check on Addison. It almost killed him hearing Addison so destroyed and fragile at the phone, especially, because he knew how strong was his wife.

* * *

LOS ANGELES

Addison was looking for a book to read on her library; she was picking a book when an old book of poems by Garcìa Lorca fell down from the shelf. She picked the book from the floor, but before put it back in the library. She opened the first page "_To my one and only Addie. With infinite love, your Derek_". Derek had given her that book on their first Christmas together and told her that they were going to get through school of medicine and internship together no matter what because they would always be there for each other despite anything that life threw at them. Derek promised her and she promised him that they were only ever one phone call away. She casually opened page 111.

**Sonnet of the sweet complaint**

_Never let me lose the marvel _

_of your statue-like eyes, or the accent _

_the solitary rose of your breath _

_places on my cheek at night._

_I am afraid of being, on this shore, _

_a branchless trunk, and what I most regret _

_is having no flower, pulp, or clay _

_for the worm of my despair._

_If you are my hidden treasure, _

_if you are my cross, my dampened pain, _

_if I am a dog, and you alone my master,_

_never let me lose what I have gained, _

_and adorn the branches of your river _

_with leaves of my estranged Autumn._

'Why this book? Why this poem? Why now?' She thought Addison closing soon the book as she finished to read the sonnet. She was still amazed that her ex-husband still had such a strong influence on her even after everything that they had been through.

Impulsively, she booked a flight for Seattle, because something inside her was telling this was the right thing to do. She wrote a quick message to Amelia, telling her she was fine and to take care of the cat in her absence. She packed few things in her Louis Vuitton suitcase, and wore her black trench coat.

It was 8 pm. Addison stepped out of the taxi and pulled her thick winter coat over her small bump. After she paid the driver she grabbed her handbag and got out of the taxi taking a minute to compose herself before she braced the halls of Seattle Grace. It's true that this place held a significant place in Addison's past and it represented a lot things for her like great successes in her career and where she met some of her fondest friends but for the most part, Seattle Grace would always be the a place of great despair, it was the place where she lost her soul-mate. She took a deep breath and confidently made her way into the main lobby like she did years ago when she first came to Seattle. Once again all dressed in black, the surgeon hid all of her emotion and apprehension under a mask of composure and approached the reception desk.

"Excuse me, can you direct me as to where I could find Dr. Shepherd?" Addison said as she eyed the young clerk.

The clerk sensed that the woman before her was someone of great authority and power and frantically searched through the surgeons' schedules to locate Dr. Shepherd for the fear that the lady would yell at her for her incompetence.

Just as the nurse was about to say something to Addison, a figure closely approached the tall red head from behind and startled her.

"Addison, what are you doing here?"

* * *

**We have to admit that the end of this chapter was different, then we have a sort of "brainwave" and we put Addison on a flight to Seattle, it was like the story decided itself to be written this way. **

**As always reviews, constructive critics and suggestions are more than welcome!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - Dear readers, sorry for the late update! These last weeks have been incredibly busy with work and exams, but finally we found the time to post this brand new chapter! Little spoiler, for the many who were waiting who was the person at the end of the previous chapter very soon you will discover it and maybe you will surprised! **

**Thank you again for keep on reading the story. Reviews are very welcome and appreciate... let us know what you think**

* * *

Addison Montgomery turned around to identify who was the voice had startled her, it seemed so familiar but since being in LA she couldn't put the name to the voice. As she turned around it hit her like a ton of bricks, it was the Nazi.

"Well it's pleasant to see you too Miranda," Addison said as she tried to get over the shock of the situation.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, you have some explaining to do as to why you're here in the middle of the night asking for your ex-husband."

Addison stared at the short surgeon and turned to face the girl at the reception desk one last time.

"On second thought, Dr. Bailey would be more than happy to escort me to see the doctor. Thank you for your time and if he does come by, this interaction here between the three of us never happened. Understood?"

The young girl's color had drained from her face as Addison addressed her, she swallowed hard and nodded in understanding at the woman's words, meanwhile with a trembling hand gave Addison her Hospital ID.

"Yes ma'am."

Addison then turned back to Miranda and began to explain herself.

"Look, you're one of the only people here that doesn't spread gossip like an STD so I'm going to tell you why I'm here but if this place is anything like how I left it before we are going to have to go somewhere a little more private."

The surgeon agreed with Addison's words and ushered her to the conference room up on the third floor. She locked the doors and closed the blinds as they walked into the room. Bailey walked over to the coffee table and grabbed two cups of coffee and placed them on the table.

Addison sat facing the woman with her coat still on, apprehensive of how she was going to face her old friend. She stared at the coffee before her and looked back up at the surgeon that was sitting before her. Guilt was written all over her face as she lost her confident composer when Bailey began to talk.

"Addison I know that the hallways here can be a little chilly but it's not snowing inside so I think that you should take your coat off unless you're hiding something that needs to be explained?"

"Miranda I just like this coat and there's nothing that needs to be read into."

"Hmm, see the Addison Montgomery that I know would have guzzled that coffee down now like the coffee addicted surgeon that she is and be digging into her second cup by now. So there's something up, I mean come on what are you pregnant or are we going on a caffeine detox?"

The color from Addison's face had just been drained at Bailey's comment as her hands then fell to her lap. Bailey then gasped at her sudden realization about the woman in front of her.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery you're..."

"Pregnant yes." It was with that, that Addison began to take off her winter coat and revealed her small baby bump to the surgeon.

"Congratulations!" Miranda exclaimed hugging her old friend, "How far are you?"

"I'm in the second trimester already!"

"I would have said less, but you look great!"

"Miranda, I know you are a good friend and you want to be kind to me but right now, I really don't think I look so great!" Addison was pale and tired of this long day, but this didn't stop her from jumping onto the first flight to Seattle, even if this meant putting her unborn child in some form of danger.

"Miranda, I just need you to keep it on the down low for the moment, I don't want news of this being spread around the hospital especially since what's been happening with Meredith and Derek."

"Wait how do you know about that? Is that why you're here?"

"Yeah, Derek called and asked me for help. At first I was really hesitant but then I… ugh I don't really know what happened and now I'm here."

"You're telling me that you just happened to get a phone call in the middle of the evening from your ex-husband and just hours later you jump on a plane and you're here waiting on him like a puppy dog."

"It's not like that Miranda, I just. If you were there you would have done the same."

"Addison, Derek is paranoid when something happens to Meredith, but for what I know she's in very good hands… Richard even called this new ob/gyn, which is doing a pretty good job!

"Did you even think about if you were ok to fly in your condition?"

"Oh god, the baby! I uhh I just completely spaced out."

"Spaced out? You can't be serious, Addison!"

"I was alone in my beach house, my husband was out for a conference and a consult, I received Derek's call and at first I told him 'NO!', that I couldn't be here, but after a couple of hours I found my self on a flight for Seattle… It seemed the right thing to do, Miranda, but now I'm not so sure" she put instinctively an hand on her small baby bump as an unconscious way to protect her child, "What if Derek notice I'm pregnant?"

"Why do you care what Derek can think seeing you pregnant?"

She fought the urge to tell her friend the truth about her pregnancy, "I know, it's stupid! I just don't want to cause him more pain, I mean with Meredith and the baby's current situation and then having to see me like this. I just don't think that he could handle that extra stress!"

"Addison, are you an adult?"

"Yes, Miranda. Why are you asking me such trivial questions?"

"Because you need to start acting like one. You and Derek are both grown ups who are both happily married with a growing family. Truth be told the two of you never thought that this was how your lives were going to end up years ago but this is how it is and he needs to acknowledge that. The two of you have moved on and this is only healthy that you show each other that you are both content with your lives and not still hung up on one another…" Miranda was finishing her statement when her pager started beeping "Sorry, Addison, it's the ER, I really have to go" before leaving the room she hugged her old friend "Don't do anything that you'd regret!"

"I'll take your advice into consideration, Miranda!"

* * *

Addison proceeded to put on her black coat and continued down the hallways of Seattle Grace in search of Derek. As she turned around the corner of the Obstetrics and Gynecology ward, Addison immediately spotted that familiar face. Lying before her in a hospital bed was Meredith Grey. Truth be told this wasn't the first time that Addison had seen Meredith admitted to the hospital but seeing her thin and fragile frame lying almost lifeless on the bed was enough to send Addison into a state of shock. This woman used to be her worst enemy, the wedge between her and Derek and now she couldn't feel anything but sadness for the woman before her made her heart shatter. Then her thoughts drifted to Derek and how broken he must have been to have his whole family, his entire world fall to pieces within an instant.

She needed a moment to take this all in, a moment to rationalize this whole situation, a moment to breathe. So Addison did the only thing that she did best at Seattle Grace and hide in an on call room. As she located the nearest room her hand grasped the door handle and she slowly let herself in. Walking over to the bed she notice that the room had already been occupied by one person. Addison took a moment to analyze the sleeping figure and realized who was the person on the bed.

He began to stir and slowly opened his eyes not believing the sight in front of him. Was he dreaming? Did she actually come for him? After all of this time, after everything that he had been through, Addison was there for him in his time of greatest need. She always kept her promise to him, Addison was always one phone call away.

"Addie?" Derek said in a frightened tone. He held his breath praying that it was her and that this wasn't a dream.

She reaches out and places her hand on his cheek slowly caressing it. "I'm here Derek."

"Addie, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do, everything is happening all too fast and I can't handle it. I can't lose my family."

Addison felt a massive pain in her chest from Derek's words. But she put all of that aside because she was here for Derek, she still cared for him and would do everything in her power to help him. "Derek, I'm so sorry..."

"We already did 3 blood transfusions, 2 during the surgery, and another one a couple of hours ago, but she still doesn't show any sign of improvement. They even perform a hysterectomy…"

"How's the baby?" Addison asked the grieving man.

He picked up his phone from the pocket of his coat and showed her a picture "He's in the NICU, for the moment he's stable and breathes spontaneously, but tomorrow they would run some other tests on him… Oh Addison, he is the most beautiful baby I saw in my life, he has no hair for the moment, I'm positive he will be blonde like his mommy, but I hope he has my eyes and not my nose… he weighs almost 4000 gr and he is tall 51 cm…Can't wait to show you him, even if he is still in the incubator"

Addison's heart wrenched hearing Derek's words, she did her best to smile at him. "…Sorry, Amelia told me you can't have kids, it was rude…"

"It's ok, Derek, after all I'm an ob/gyn…" Addison said as she tried to comfort her ex husband.

"Why don't you try with adoption? Meredith and I adopted a baby girl, Zola, she's 2 now, trust me, it's an amazing experience!"

"Amelia showed me a picture of her… and to answer you, adoption didn't work either, Derek" that conversation was awkward and Addison couldn't wait to change subject.

"Oh?!" Derek said as the guilt grew within him.

"Well, It seems like the situation is under control!" She started believing she had done a terrible error. He didn't need her there, and she even put her baby in danger to help him. "Why did you call me, Derek? There are 2 ob/gyn attendings who are working night and day on your wife's case, and an entire team of neonatologists who are taking good care of your child, why do you need me here?"

"You're the best on your field, Addison… I can't imagine anyone else that I want looking after my wife and child!"

"The country and this hospital are full of perfectly capable doctors who can take care of them!"

"Oh funny, and why did you come in then?" Derek said as the sarcasm rose in his voice.

"It was a mistake!" she said leaving the little on call room, in a bitter tone.

"What's wrong Addison?" he rose from the bed and grabbed her arm as she tried to exit, tightening his grip. "I know you, you are hiding something!"

"Derek you're hurting me, please let go of my arm!"

"Sorry!" he soon loosened his grip, "I didn't mean to hurt you, neither verbally nor physically! I'm really glad you are here… You drop everything for me… You… You kept the promise!"

"What promise?"

"To be there for each other despite anything that life threw at us… Just one call away, Addie!"

"…Just one call away, Derek!"

He hugged her and she suddenly fell so fragile and disarmed in his arm, "Thank you" he gently whispered to her ear. She closed her eyes and for a moment and inhaled his scent oh how it was so familiar as she wanted to stay like this forever, but she soon recognized this feeling was wrong on so many levels. She swiftly distanced herself from his warm body, "You should try and get some sleep Derek" she said clearing her throat, "I had an incredibly long day, Derek, and for my condition it's better get some rest too…"

Addison had just realized what she said to Derek. She accidentally let it slip that she had a condition. Her mind quickly drifted to the thought of Derek figuring everything out, especially that this was his child. She could not handle dealing with that right now and neither could Derek. Luckily for her Derek was too concerned with his own thoughts to make the connection.

"Yeah right with the flight and everything, I guess you probably want to get some sleep right?"

"Yeah something like that," she said as she gave him a warm smile. It was with that, that Addison leant over to Derek and placed a soft kiss on his cheek and exited the room.

* * *

Early the next morning Jake and Nancy arrived in Meredith's room and started checking on her, she was still pale and her pulse was weak and frequent, "We should do another blood count" he said to the nurse, "She's dyspnoic, I'd like to do an X-ray and an Echocardiographic exam", he said this time talking with Nancy.

"Tell me the truth, you have no idea of what's going on, right?" Derek said pissed, "Thank god, I required another consult, she will be here anytime soon, so you two incompetent can play doctor with other poor patients!"

Jake took a disgusted look at this man, he was really got on his nerve now, but to not set fire on that already unstable situation, he decided to not reply at him.

Derek saw her walk past the window and into the room. Addison looked as breath-taking as ever but still strangely enough wore a large overcoat into the room. Derek questioned this choice but dismissed it immediately as he knew that his ex wife had impeccable taste. He smiled when she entered and guided her in.

"Dr. Reilly and Nancy, this is my second opinion."

Everyone in the room gasped in shock, especially Addison.

"Addison!" both Nancy and Jake exclaimed in accord.

Jake took a second look at Derek "…he can't be that Shepherd!" he groaned still in shock.

"Jake what are you doing here?"

"Me? I can ask you the same question!"

"You know each other?!" Nancy asked completely dazed.

"I need a minute," Addison said as she walked out of the room. She couldn't believe what was happening right now. How could all of this be happening without her knowing?

Jake followed his wife out of the room afraid she was not feeling well.

"How could you not tell me that you were here in Seattle? Especially leaving out the fact that you were operating on my ex husband's wife!"

"It happened all very soon, trust me I wanted to explain you everything I just didn't have time… How are you?"

"Don't try to change subject Jake… Have you ever heard of phone, email, SMS, whatsapp? You had plenty of way to tell me where you really were!"

"I was visiting the hospital with Dr. Webber, an intern told him there were troubles during the C-section and Meredith and he asked me to scrub-in to help Nancy. I didn't even make the connection he was actually that 'Derek Shepherd'! …This the truth honey, trust me, this situation is even more awkward for me! …Now can ask you how you feel? You seem pale and tired, Addie!"

"I'm fine…"

"I mean both of you"

"We are fine, honey…Thank god I'm not the patient here!"

"Are you taking the vitamins and the iron?" he asked very apprehensively.

"Don't play the ob/gyn with me!"

"Sorry, it's just the habit!"

Jake smiled at her and she smiled him back, "I'm happy you are here with me!" she admitted,

"I think it shouldn't be easy for you being here in the hospital!"

"Gosh, this is so awkward, Jake…"

"How could you marry an ass like him?" he couldn't believe the man in that room was actually her former husband.

"Derek is a very complicated man, Jake, but he is not a bad person…"

"Are you kidding? He seemed to me a cocky, selfish and arrogant man"

"He is a brilliant neurosurgeon… But he has poor judgement when something happens to Meredith…" she took another look inside the hospital room, "He never felt that way about me…" she spoke it out aloud.

"I don't know… I'm just afraid my baby could be like him", she was happy that Jake was still referring to the baby she was carrying as his baby.

"It will not gonna happen"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because nurture beats nature, and I know you will be an amazing father for this baby!" she said putting his hand on her little bump.

"Do you really think?"

"I do! You already did an amazing job with Angela!"

"I love you Addison Montgomery" he said kissing her lips.

After that conversation, Derek looked at Nancy with complete and utter confusion.

"What's going on Nancy?"

"Derek, I'm about as confused as you are ok. But by the looks of them I would say that they know each other, very well in fact."

"What like co workers?"

"No Derek you idiot, I..."

Just then Addison and Jake walked back into the room both staring at Derek. Addison looked pissed, whilst Jake looked annoyed at Derek.

"Addison, what's going on?" Nancy said as she looked at her former sister in-law.

"Derek, Nancy, this is my husband Jake."

Derek's jaw dropped at Addison's words. How could such a gorgeous woman be married to him? How could Addison fall in love with him? It finally hit him that Addison had already moved on.

Nancy smiled at the two of them with a leer.

"Since, Jake and Nancy are perfectly capable to handle the situation here, I prefer taking care of your baby, is it fine for you, Derek?"

"I don't trust them!" Derek said defensive.

"Derek, trust me, I would trust them with my own life."

"You say this just because he is your husband!"

"Is it a problem, Dr. Shepherd? Are you questioning me professionally or as the husband of your ex wife?" Jake asked him.

"My reservations here are purely professional!" Derek exclaimed in his defense, but Jake was right, he wasn't convinced but him before, but now knowing he was Addison's husband he didn't want that man near him.

"Derek, Jake is a double board certified doctor, he is a general surgeon and an ob/gyn, he perfectly knows how to take care of women, Meredith is in good hands with him and Nancy!"

Derek didn't really care, he had a mix of emotions, angry, desperation, tiredness, regrets, "Enough of all this situation, enough of all of you… Get out of this room all of you minus Addison!"

* * *

**Addison, Jake, Derek, Nancy are all together in Seattle... What do you think should happen next? **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 9 - Thank you for all the amazing reviews, you have no idea how happy I'm to know you like the story!**

**In these chapter Addison will have to deal with so many news, I hope you will like it... Don't be so angry at Derek, he is an ass but at the moment is living a personal tragedy, his wife' and baby's lives are in jeopardy. As always reviews are more than welcome! **

**A special thanks to the co-author and beta reader Casey! **

* * *

Addison watched Jake and Nancy exit from the room as Derek screamed at them. She couldn't help but notice how defensive and irrational Derek was being towards these doctors that were trying to help his family. Her glance was then drawn to Meredith's chart on the bed, she grabbed it and opened the files assessing the woman's condition. She took note of the complications during the delivery and the emergency hysterectomy performed by the two doctors. Nancy's charting was always meticulous and everything seemed to be up to standard. Addison knew that this would always been the case, however she double checked it to ensure that Derek had some piece of mind.

"Derek, I don't know what to say..."

"What do you mean Addie?" Derek pleaded as he tried to understand his ex wife.

"Nancy and Jake's approach and surgical notes are flawless. Everything is accounted for and I can honestly say that I myself would have followed the same approach."

"Addie, look at Mere, she's not well. She's going to hate me and the... the baby is ill, and I can't deal with everything all at once. My family were meant to be happy and healthy, I was meant to protect them."

Addison felt the tears well in her eyes as Derek released all of his repressed emotion. He knew her so well and could always confide in her regardless of the circumstances.

"Derek, honey how about we take a moment to step away from Meredith and discuss this in the conference room across the hall."

Derek nodded in agreeance and followed the tall redhead.

"Do you love him?" he suddenly asked

"Excuse me?"

"Jake, your husband, do you really love him?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Does he treat you right? Does he take care of you?"

"Yes, Derek, Jake is the perfect gentleman, he is a very nice person...What's with the 20 questions?"

"What so I don't get to know anything about you now?"

"No Derek, that's not what I mean. You had all of this time to talk to me and you're only just taking an interest in things now? When you signed those papers Derek, you forfeited any right to pry into my personal life."

"I'm sorry, I just… I don't even know anymore."

She wasn't angry at him, just surprised "Derek, it's ok you're in a very stressful position. All your life you've been a perfectionist and most of the time you get your way but now that something is out of your control you feel helpless and depressed. Don't try to argue with me on that one Derek because if I've learnt anything from the eleven years that we were married it's that."

Derek gave the red head a small smile as he looked into her deep blue eyes.

"I just miss you Addie."

Addison felt her heart shatter as she looked at her ex husband. She wanted to fix him and glue all of the broken pieces back together but this wasn't anymore her job, even if it was killing her seeing him so sad and in desperate needing of her.

"Addie, what if I loose them?"

"Derek you're not going to loose them you have the best staff of doctors from around the country working on Meredith and the baby and soon enough the three of you will be at home happily enjoying each other's presence. Meredith's a fighter Derek and so is that baby."

"But what if it's my fault?"

"Derek you couldn't have caused or prevented this. These things happen out of the blue, no one expects to have a complicated pregnancy or go into emergency surgery. It just happens and it's our roles as family to support them through their recovery. Don't beat yourself up Derek, I know you always do but this was out of your control."

Derek looked up at his ex-wife and searched for the hope in her eyes. He could no longer hide his feelings and bursts into tears grabbing Addison. She held his clinging form and kisses the top of his head to try and calm him down.

"Derek, honey I'm going to look over this chart again with Nancy and Jake to assess our approaches after I check on the baby. What you need to do for me is go home for a couple of hours or find an on call room and sleep. You're tired, exhausted and thinking irrationally and that isn't going to help anyone at all in this situation ok?"

Derek nodded at the woman and he exited the room.

Addison watched him as he left and stared at the charts again. Everything was as it was meant to be, her colleagues actions were textbook. So why did she felt as though she could have prevented this? Tired and exhausted she buried her head into her hands and took a deep breath. Maybe coming to Seattle was a mistake, this whole situation was causing so much stress with the Shepherds, and Jake being there that caused extra pressure on the baby. Addison just wanted to go home to where everything was perfect and tranquil, she just wanted things to go back to normality.

* * *

Jake was still confused for all the many things happened that morning, meeting his wife in Seattle wasn't exactly what he expected. He headed to the cafeteria in search of a good coffee and a minute of quiet, he still had to metabolize all those news.

He was at the cash when he heard a lady's voice, "Hey stranger, this is my turn to offer you a coffee!" he turned his head to the voice to discover it was Nancy, "I'm old fashion Nancy, it's still my turn. What would you like?"

"Cappuccino. Thank you Jake, you are always so nice!"

The two doctors took seats in one of the table of the cafeteria "I thought you were in the hall with the rest of your family"

"To hear again that I almost killed my brother's perfect little family, no way… I prefer hiding hear sipping a cappuccino… So, Jake Reilly and Addison Montgomery, your names sound really good together, I like it!"

Jake stared at the coffee cup, he was a little uncomfortable now, "I was so happy when Amelia told me our Addie tied the knot again!"

"Were they happy?" he asked too focused on his own thoughts

"Who?"

"Addison and Derek, were they happy when they were married, Nancy?"

"The first time I met Addison she was 20 year old... her and Derek seemed perfect for each other, and I thought she was the right one for my brother, even if she was a little too wasp and privileged for our standards… I don't want to lie to you, Jake... They were happy and such a nice couple, very in love with each others... until the last two year of their marriage, they barely talk to each other" she sighed, "I always had the feeling their biggest problem was they were both very competitive... They wanted to reach the top of their respective careers and at first Addison was the most ambitious... Maybe if they had children things could be different. You know, it's the same old story…"

"What's story?"

"When Addison became chief resident instead of Derek… Gosh, they were even thinking to start a family in that period, but then Addison decided it was too soon to start a family and having a baby could hurt her career, furthermore, she really wanted to show to her family, especially her mother, how good she was in her job… Addison can seem so fierce, but indeed she's very fragile and in need of approval… Towards the latter years of their marriage Addison started having the urge to start a family, but this time Derek was so consumed in his work that he just forgot about her and their dreams. It was sad but the damage had been done, then Mark and Meredith came along and that just sealed their fate. They weren't the same people as they were before and as much as I loved the two of them with all of my heart the divorce was the best thing that could happen so that they could both be at peace."

Nancy's words were like a slap in the face for Jake, how could be possible that he knew so few about his wife, "…You are too silence, Jake!"

"Sorry, it's just…I don't know, maybe I'm wrong… I know Amelia, and I know how deep is the relationship between her and Addison, now you told me this story. Nancy, you, and with 'you' I mean all of you, were a family for Addison, you have a story…"

"Addison was Derek's family for more than 11 years Jake, without counting the years during school of medicine… They have a very long story… but you are a great man, Jake, and I'm sure Addison really loves you…"

"I don't know, I feel like I'm not allowed to know her past…"

"Addison's past is full of pain, Jake, this is the reason why she doesn't want to talk about it"

Jake looked up at the surgeon and stared at her nervously.

"I'd like if what I said to you the other day about the baby…" but before Jake could finished Nancy interrupted him.

"...Consider it a doctor-patient confidentiality, Jake, don't be afraid your secret is safe with me. You and Addison are two of my dearest friends," Nancy said as she gazed into the doctor's large brown eyes.

There was something about Jake that allowed her to connect with him on some deep and profound level. Nancy couldn't believe how long it had been since she felt this way towards anyone, but reality struck and she realized that she couldn't act on her sudden feelings towards Jake. He was a married man, in fact he was married to her ex sister in law and to do anything at this point would jeopardize her relationship with Jake but also with Addison who she considered to be one of her closest friends.

* * *

Jake stepped off of the elevator and headed to the NICU to check on baby Shepherd. When he entered he found his wife silently sitting beside the incubator gently stroking the fragile infant. He looked into her eyes as if she was defeated and wondered if this was all too much for her. Regardless he walks over to the red head and places a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too," she replied as her gaze was focused on the baby in front of them.

"How's baby Shep doing?"

"He had a seizure 2 hours ago, now he is ok, vitals are stable but he'll still need constant monitoring for at least the next few weeks…" she signed something in his chart "I signed an EEG for tomorrow. I should ask Derek some news about the pregnancy, especially if there were signs of gestational diabetes... Maybe we should require a maternal glycated hemoglobin"

"I'd like to think that they'd be friends and would play together."

"What?"

"Baby Shep and Chicco, they'd be good friends and have adventures together."

"Maybe they won't even like each others at all," replied Addison in a monotone voice.

"Addie, are you…" but she cut him off before he could finish.

"Jake, what if this baby was a mistake?" Addison lifted her eyes up from the incubator and stared into Jakes pleadingly. He could see the tears that were threatening to fall as Addison was about to release all of her insecurities. "We tried to play God when we shouldn't have. Look at Meredith and Derek, they did everything right and now their baby is fighting for its life. I took Derek and my embryos and implanted them without even asking him. What's even going to happen to me because I usually don't have the best track record with these things…" she sighed and she finally admitted with a broken voice "…He wanted kids but he just didn't want them with me."

Jake saw how vulnerable she looked and walked up to her and caressed her cheek in his palm.

"Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Reilly, I knew since the very first moment I saw you that I was in love with you and that I wanted to have a family with you. You are the kindest and most loving person I have ever met and any child of ours will be perfect."

Addison surrendered her tough exterior and fell into his arms as he embraced her in an attempt to remove her fears and insecurities. He was the perfect guy and everyday Addison was thankful that she had found someone as amazing as him.

Jake pulled out of the embrace and let Addison over to a nearby rocking chair. He took a seat and gestured for her to sit on him. She was apprehensive at first but eventually gave in after he gave her puppy dog eyes. Addison sat on his lap and nestled her head into the crook of his neck as he held her.

"Seattle's a nice place you know."

Addison was confused at his sudden choice of conversation but went with it "It's nice in the springtime, I guess,"

"It offers so many opportunity, it is considered the NYC of the west coast… Honey, I know what I'm going to ask you it's hard for you, especially, because this city it's full of bad memories for you…"

She stared at her husband confused, but before replying to him she waited until he finished his speech, "I confess you I'm taking seriously Dr. Webber and the board offer", she suddenly felt a knot in her throat, "It's a 2 million $/year offer, Addison, and they even propose me a flexible schedule to give me the opportunity to spend time with my family, without considering all the facilities, like day care center… Dr. Webber even assured me the board could offer you a position too…"

Addison was torn, how could she said no to Jake after all he did for her, after all the times he stared to her side, even when the decision to take was incredibly hard, "…Listen, honey, if it can sound hard to you, you can image how hard if it's for me" Jake continued "especially since I have to work everyday with the biological father of my son, but I will not even ask you to change completely our lives, if I wasn't sure this was the right thing to do…"

Addison continued to stay in silence not sure what to answer, "Please, sweetheart, say something, even a NO, but say something!"

She slowly got up from his lap and let herself out of the NICU without a word being said. Addison couldn't process all of this new information right now, she just needed some space, it was happening all too fast and too soon. As she entered the hallway she silently whispered to herself "Not again."

Jake stood there with a shocked look plastered on his face. How could she be so against this idea? Addison didn't even say a word in response to his proposal? Was she completely against it? Did she need time to consider it? So many questions filled Jake's head as he tried to process the events that had just occurred.

Jake decided to give her some space, maybe she just needed time, it was a lot to process for anyone, especially Addison. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her feel uncomfortable and place extra stress on her and the baby. All he wanted was to make her happy and give her the life that she so badly deserved.

"Oh no not again," Addison said again covering her mouth as she rushed out of the NICU. She didn't know what to say to Jake but the sudden onset of nausea was all too much for her to still remain there and maintain her composure. She darted down the hallway to the nearest ladies room to empty the contents of her stomach. As she entered, she ran into the closest cubicle and viciously hurled into the toilet bowl the entire contents of her stomach. It lasted for at least 15 minutes with the occasional dry heaving as the nausea plagued her entire body to the point where she was completely oblivious to her surroundings. Addison was so caught up with trying to control her morning sickness that she didn't even notice the figure that approached her from behind.

"Well this brings back memories of my bachelorette party and when Derek had to take you home because someone had ingested a little too much vodka and tequila shots."

Addison looked up from the bowl at the woman behind her and let out a small smile before another round of nausea hit.

"You know that ginger helps, it worked with Abby and Parker."

"Nancy, I feel like I'm going to die, ugh."

"Don't worry Addie, it won't last for too much longer," Nancy said as she helped the doctor up from the ground.

"I'm just so exhausted these days and everything is happening all at once."

"Now that's not the Addison I'm used to. The Addison I knew would be walking tall and ordering everyone around, putting them in her place and not letting the little things like a bit of morning sickness get to her," she said as she giggled.

It was so strange for Nancy to see Addison like this, she loved her sister in law to pieces and knew her inside and out but seeing her like this so vulnerable and confused made Nancy a little concerned. She always knew that Addison would make a great mother and she would be a great Auntie but Addison just looked completely terrified all of the time and she assumed that there was something that Addison wasn't telling her. Maybe after all of these years and everything with Derek that the two of them had drifted apart but Nancy wanted to be there for Addison no matter what. She wanted to be her best friend again and maybe that meant telling her the truth.

"Addie, when do you finish up today?"

"Uhhh, I was going to see Meredith and the baby one more time before I headed back to my hotel room to catch up on a bit of sleep."

"Where are you staying?"

"I'm staying at the Archfield at the moment, why do you ask?"

"Well I'm staying there too and I'm finishing up in a couple of hours too so I was thinking that we could catch up you know? It's been a while since we last talked and I missed you Addie. I want to know what's been happening. We could have dinner together at the hotel restaurant, but maybe you and Jake have other plans for the night"

"I think Jake will be more than happy to have dinner with us, we can discuss the case and remember the good old days… 8 pm at the Archfield restaurant?"

"8 pm is perfect!" Nancy took a look at her watch "It's late, I have a meeting with my family, wish me luck!" she hugged her former sister in law

"Good luck, Nancy! See you later"

Addison was tired but Nancy's suggestion was something that she had been looking forward to. It had been ages since Nancy and her had last talked and she thought that she had lost one of her closest friends. It's true that ever since the divorce and when her and Derek left New York that she had lost a lot of her friends and right now being in Seattle, Addison needed someone that she could talk to who wasn't all caught up in the Seattle Grace rumor mill.

* * *

Later that night Addison met Nancy at the restaurant of the hotel. Her former sister in law noticed Jake wasn't with her, "Hi, Addie!...Where is that handsome man of your husband?"

"An hour ago, Richard paged him to help him on a surgery "

"Problems with Meredith?" she asked concerned.

"No, no another patient... It should be an ovarian mass, I hope he will not be busy all night"

"Richard Webber is really alluring Jake, and I think he is right, Jake is an amazing surgeon, he could be a great addition for the hospital"

"Are you trying to convince me to move here again too, Nancy?"

"I'm just saying that maybe is not a bad idea for you two move here in Seattle, Addie! Are you thinking about it?"

"I don't know, Nancy, all these things all together... my pregnancy, Jake's offer, Derek, it isn't really an easy choice to take." She looked up at the menu on the table and trying to change subject "I think I'll go for this Rigatoni Arcobaleno?"

"Look Addie I can sense that your hiding something and I love you and we used to share everything. It's ok to tell me things, you know, you are still my sister no matter what. I need you to know that I'm here for you no matter what, Addie we've known each other the longest out of everyone here."

"I'm not hiding anything, Nancy!" she said defensive "The problem here is not about me, it's about Meredith, baby Shep, and my husband job's offer"

"Someone is nervous here!"

"Sorry Nancy, I didn't mean to snap like that. You know I miss this, I miss hanging out with you. After everything with the divorce and moving to LA I just never really found the time to talk to you and most probably because of Derek but I'm really glad that we're doing this."

"Addison, I've known you for over a decade and I know you almost as well as Derek I mean come on, I've seen you at your best and your worst. I was there when Derek left, I was the one that picked you up at the clinic after the abortion, Addison you're my sister no matter what. I'm only asking you because I care about you and because you know that you can trust me."

"Nancy, there's nothing wrong and you don't need to go prying into something that isn't there."

Nancy could sense how uncomfortable Addison was at her accusation and felt that maybe she should bring up what Jake told her.

"I know it's not my place but I know about the paternity of the baby."

"Are you going to tell him?" Addison asked afraid

"Addison, it's completely up to you whether you want to tell the father or not, but don't you think Derek should have at least some clue?"

"It's not that simple Nancy I can't just tell him, he has other obligations you know and right now I just can't add this to his stress, especially in his current situation. You know Nancy, I can't just walk up to him and be like 'oh Derek, I forgot to tell you that after the numerous voicemail messages that you ignored and lunches that you never showed up to that I took our embryos and implanted them'." She sighed and finally confessed all her frustrations about her pregnancy, "It was a mistake, Nancy, this baby was a terrible mistake…" she had no more the strength to hide the tears, she was exhausted both physically and mentally "I forced Jake and I didn't wait for an answer by Derek, this baby will be another victim of my screwed moral compass Nancy!"

Nancy didn't know what to say, she was too painful seeing Addison so broken "Don't be so severe with yourself, Addie, we all made mistakes in our life…" she said gently trying to reassure Addison "You wanted this baby so much, and finally it arrived, no matter how… You will be a terrific mother, Addie! This baby is blessed to have two amazing parents like you and Jake"

She shook her head "It should have been in the picture… just years ago, not now!"

"Oh, Addie… After these years…"

"I waited too much, Nancy…" she told her drying the tears from her eyes "and I ran out of time! …I will be forever considered an adulterous bitch who forgot to have child"

"Why do you care so much about what Derek could think? Don't be too severe with yourself, Addie!"

"He is the father, Nancy… He is the biological father of the baby I'm carrying… and he will never love him as much as his own son" she admitted "I saw the way he looked at his baby in the NICU, he will never look at my baby in that way… And maybe neither Jake!"

"The most important thing now is that you will love this baby, no matter what Derek, Jake, your family will think!" then she genuinely smiled and with sincere enthusiasm exclaimed "Oh my god, Addie, I don't care what my brother will think or will do, I'm going to be an auntie!"

* * *

**What do you think of Addison's fears and confessions? Please let me know your thoughts. Reviews are more than welcome, they help me write the story. **


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9 - Dear readers, we thank you for the good reviews you wrote us. We took in great consideration all your advices and comments. We really hope you all will like chapter 9. We advert you, a lot of things and changes will happen in this new chapter. Read and enjoy... and hopefully review it! _**

* * *

_We see hundreds of people each and everyday, their faces instantly locked into our subconscious and stored in our memory. Sometimes we pass them again and we recognize them, sometimes we meet them and we get to know them and sometimes they become an important part of your life. It's then, when a person becomes intertwined with our life that we start to view them in a different light, that we begin to notice each little detail of them and their defining features that make them so unique. But overtime we begin to take these little things for granted, they become the norm and eventually we forget each intricate detail of their being. We find ourselves once again at the start and having to remember them and what makes them so extraordinary, it might be through the smallest acts, it might be through the simplest gestures but somehow in the end we realize that we wouldn't be who we are today without them._

* * *

It was past midnight when Jake had arrived back at the hotel suite. As he walked towards the bedroom, he was greeted by a sleeping Addison resting peacefully under the covers. The sight of her was sending his senses into over-drive as it has been so long since they had spent the night together. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Jake found himself crawling under the covers and snuggling behind Addison's sleeping frame. His hands began to roam all around her body as if his gentle touch reminded her subconsciously that he was there. As he drew in closer to her body he inhaled her scent and placed a soft yet tender kiss on her cheek.

Jake then thought to himself as he stared at her, how lucky he was to have found someone so perfect even after everything that the two of them had been through. Los Angeles had done good things for them, heck it was where they first fell in love, but there was just something about Seattle that really felt like home, where a sense of community was and where he would give Addison the life that she so rightfully deserved. Convincing her was going to be the hardest part but Jake made it his mission to turn Seattle from a place of deep regret and sorrow into a place of joy and happiness.

Addison began to shift and stir a few moments later, her eyes began to flutter open. As she awoke she stared at the man before her.

"Hey, you're back. How was your surgery?" Addison said in a gentle sleepy voice.

"Sorry sweetheart. I hope I didn't wake you up. Everything went fine."

"No, I'm happy you woke me up. I missed you."

"I missed you too honey. How was dinner with Nancy?"

"I was good, we talked about old times and reminised. I never realized until tonight how much I really missed her."

"Yes, well I never really realized until tonight how much I missed you too." Jake said as he kissed her on the lips. "By the way Richard says that he wants to meet you in his office tomorrow at 10."

"It's about the job isn't it?"

"We don't need to talk about it tonight Addie, you're tired and you've had a big day. We'll discuss everything in the morning."

"Jake, this is a huge decision and the consequences of it will severely impact our future. I can't just make a snap judgement, I need time, there are just so many things to consider like the baby, what to do with the practice and having to work with people who know a little too much about my past."

"So, it's a NO then."

"I didn't say no, I just need a little more time. Honey, why do you want me to move to Seattle of all places so badly?"

Jake averted his gaze and tried to avoid the question, this made Addison angry.

"Jake!"

"... Addison, I've waited for a position like this my whole life. I once had a similar opportunity in Salt Lake City, but I just couldn't accept it because that's when my wife had just died and I needed to be with Angela. Addison, I know that this is a life changing decision but I want you to know that this is really important to me. Yes LA is home, it's where I've been for the past 10 years, my daughter's there, my friends are there, but if there's anything that I've learnt, especially from you, it's that you can't miss an opportunity that could change your life."

Jake was still asleep when Addison left their hotel suite to go to the hospital. She didn't want to wake him up. He was still tired for the long day and surgery he had performed the previous day. She wrote a note for him...

"_I ordered a continental breakfast for you, room service should knock at the door at 9 am. See you at the hospital. _

_I love you, Addie"._

Before leaving the room, Addison then placed a tender kiss on his lips.

* * *

Addison met Nancy in the foyer of SGH and the two of them continued into the hospital where they would then check on the Shepherd's baby in the NICU first.

The redhead doctor walked up to the nurses station and picked the baby's file, scanning through the charting.

"He doesn't look good" his aunt noticed as she started visiting him in the incubator

"He's still hypertonic and he had seizures all night and his last blood count showed an increase of his white cells… Nancy, do you know if Meredith had gestational diabetes? I checked in her pregnancy labs but I didn't find news about the pregnancy, just two ultrasounds, one during the first trimester and another one at 28 weeks, a couple of blood counts and TORCH IgG and IgM. It surprised me, especially, since I know how meticulous you are with your patients"

"I wasn't her obstetric care provider… Derek called me a week ago to deliver the baby, at first I wanted to say no to him, but my mother insisted…"

Addison was surprised, "So you don't know if Meredith had problems during the pregnancy?"

"Derek told me everything was unremarkable… I've never visited her before!"

"He's a big baby, not macrosomic, but still a big baby, and he is hypoglycemic, this is why I asked you about the diabetes…"

"When do you think to extubated him?"

Addison asculted the baby's chest again "I don't think anytime soon, Nancy, I'm sorry"

As the two doctors were talking Carolyn Shepherd entered in the NICU, she stared at the incubator looking at her grandson.

"It was supposed to be an happy moment for our family!" She said with a somber look on her face.

Nancy hugged her mother with her arm to comfort her. Addison looked at her former mother and sister in law with a sad gaze.

"How is he?" Carolyn asked.

"Mom, we are taking good care of him!" Nancy replied as she tried to console her distressed mother.

"I'm sure you're taking good care of him, Nancy, but what I'm asking are news about my grandson's health conditions?" Carolyn's tone had slightly risen as she was getting increasingly concerned.

Addison composed herself as she tried to address the concerned woman in a professional manner.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Shepherd, I really wanted to give you better news, but for the moment baby Shep is still under oxygen and antiepileptic drugs, we are giving him antibiotics and constantly monitoring him. As you know, it was a complicated delivery, the baby aspired meconium-laden amniotic fluid during the birth, this required at first bag- and-mask ventilation and then an endotracheal intubation…"

Carolyn interrupted Addison as all of the medical references were making her increasingly anxious.

"Do you know if there are signs of brain damage?" she asked concerned for her baby grandson.

"His Apgar score at birth was low and he had a profound metabolic acidemia, he has seizures all night and we still can't exclude any brain damages... I have recommended for today for him to have an EEG and an hemogasanalysis, and a brain ultrasound and MRI for tomorrow, since the paripartum conditions and the modality of delivery we can't exclude any hypoxic-ischemic brain injury"

"Does Derek know?" Carolyn said looking at Addison.

"I talked with him yesterday night, I'm waiting the new labs before giving him other news!"

"Can I stay with him?" Carolyn asked.

"Of course! He will be happy to have his Grandmother near him."

"Addison?"

"Yes, Mrs Shepherd?"

"Addison, I just wanted to say that I know we've had our differences in the past, but thank you for coming here and taking care of my grandchild's life. You're a talented surgeon and everyone in the family appreciates it."

Addison left the NICU, she was almost crying but she tried to not be overwhelmed by her own emotions, she put herself together and headed to the ob/gyn division.

In the corridor she met a familiar person.

"Oh, Addison, I was looking for you!" A masculine voice said from behind her.

"Richard!" she exclaimed.

"How are you?" her mentor asked.

"I'm fine, just a little concerned for Derek' and Meredith's baby…" she confessed.

"How are his conditions?" Richard replied as he tried to assess the situation.

"They are not improving, and I don't know how to tell Derek…"

"If you want we can talk to him together?"

"Thank you, Richard, I would really appreciate it."

"It should be awkward for you."

"It isn't easy at all" she admitted.

"Listen, Addison, I know this is not a good moment, but did you talk with Jake?"

"For our meeting today at 10 am? Yes, he told me…"

"Do you mind if we talk now, instead of waiting until 10 am?"

"Not at all, but maybe Jake wants to be present…"

"For the moment, I'm more interested in talking with you" and he invited the doctor to follow him in his office.

"Listen, Addison, I always thought you were the perfect doctor for the role of chief of the women's health department, but I was almost convinced that you weren't interested, and this is why I contacted Dr Reilly for the job… I couldn't even begin to imagine that you were married!"

"I thought the chief was Owen Hunt now?"

"No you are correct Owen Hunt is the current Chief of Surgery, I'm actually member of the board of the SGMH and Chief of the Staff!"

"Congratulations Richard! ...And…" she added "You don't have to excuse yourself because you didn't propose me the job"

"Thank you, Addison!"

"Jake is a devoted, extremely qualified surgeon, and I really think you chose the right person for the role!"

"Listen, Addison, I really don't want to create you any marriage problems! He told me he will not accept the job if you don't agree to move here in Seattle" he picked a couple of paper from his file cabinet "This is why I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse!"

"A job offer?"

"Yes, Addison you're…"

"Who? The Meryl Streep of the maternal-fetal medicine…"

"I wasn't going to use this expression but it sounds pretty good! Addison, what I'm proposing is to direct the division of perinatology and the NICU of Sloan-Grey Memorial Hospital… 1.5 million $ per years, plus bonus for all the surgeries you will perform…"

"Richard… I don't know what to say…"

"Say yes! ...With you and Jake here we will have one of the most important department of Women's health of the country… To not talk about the possibility to work with the other specialists!"

"Richard, you are proposing me a great opportunity and I really miss working in an hospital…"

"So, what's the problem?"

"I'm pregnant, Richard!"

"We have a great day-care service and you can ask for flexible hours to spend day with the baby, you are not the first and the only pregnant woman who works here… Your husband works here too, you can easily change your schedules…"

"Ok, ok, my pregnancy is not a problem, but what about the department, when I left it was one of the best, now great part of the staff have left, there are just 3 attendings, residents refuse to work in the ob/Gyn field because they think it's too 'fluffy', gosh Richard, there isn't anymore a Gynecology oncology division… It's like SGH weren't interested at all in women's health!"

"Why do you think I'm asking you and Jake to work here?"

"We need at least another doctor in the staff!"

"Do you have any ideas?"

"I was thinking to hire Nancy Shepherd!"

"If you sign the paper, I promise you I'll hire Nancy!"

"I'll think about it!"

"Addison" he said before she left the room "…Congratulations, I've always knew that you wanted to be a mother, and you're going to be an excelling mother!"

"Thank you, Richard!"

* * *

Less than an hour later Jake arrived at the hospital. The first thing he did was to check on his patients, first Meredith Grey who was finally awake even if she was still in the intensive care unit.

"Dr. Grey, I'm happy to see you finally awake, I'm Dr. Jake Reilly" he presented himself. "I operated on you with Dr. Nancy Shepherd, as your husband has already told you earlier there were complications during the emergency Cesarean section Dr. Shepherd performed…"

"What about my baby?" she asked with a feeble voice.

"He is in the NICU, neonatologists are taking care of him! As you should know, Dr. Shepherd decided to perform an emergency Cesarean section because your baby was suffering a severe hypoxia… Unfortunately during the surgery there was a massive hemorrhage, we tried to control it, but due to the uterine hypotonia we were unable, so we had to perform a hysterectomy. Also, we transfused 2 units of blood, and we are considering the possibility to start another one in the next few hours. After the surgery you have been put in intensive care unit because of the hypovolemic shock and the risk of sepsis…"

"I want to see my baby now!" she replied without paying attention at Jake's words.

"Dr. Grey, I know you want to see your baby, but you haven't full recover yet, we can't risk to move you now that your conditions are improving…"

"Dr. Reilly is right, Meredith, you have to recover now and be stronger and safe to take care of your baby"

"Richard," Jake exclaimed "I didn't hear you coming, I was informing Dr. Grey about her condition."

"We were so lucky Jake was there in Seattle, he really is an amazing surgeon and, I hope very soon the new chief of Women's health!"

"I preferred meeting him under different circumstances."

"Me too, Dr. Grey!"

It had been a very long day at work for both Jake and Addison.

The couple met in the lobby of SGMH, Jake gently helped Addison with her coat, "How do you feel?" he asked.

"A little tired" she confessed, "I think I put a little too much stress on Chicco these last days."

"Did you have problems? Pain? bleeding? Do you feel him moving?" he asked frantically.

"Calm down, honey, Chicco and I are fine, I'm just a little tired" she smiled reassuring her husband.

"Oh, great… I hope the two of you are not too tired because hopefully we'll be eating there a lot!"

"I like it, where do you want to go?"

"This is a surprise, but first you have to cover your eyes with this."

"What are you planning, Dr. Reilly?"

"That is a surprise!"

* * *

Jake guided his blind-folded wife to the front steps of the house in Queen Anne and opened the door and ushered her in.

"I can't see, but for what my sense are feeling this does not sound like a restaurant!"

"You're right, honey, this is definitely not a restaurant! Addie, take off your blindfold" he whispered into her ear.

"Jake? What are we doing here at this empty house? I thought we were going to a restaurant." she said surprised.

"Just humor me, Addie, I want to show you something."

The foyer was a large open room with glass walls and doors that continued into the kitchen area with led into a serene and quaint outdoor area, fashioned with a majestic water feature that led into a tranquil pool area. The perfect transition from the outdoors to the indoors.

Addison eyes drifted to a small book on a stand in the center of the room and picked it up. It was a music book with all of the greatest piano compositions of Mozart and Bach. Addison had a puzzled look on her face as Jake stepped in front of the stand.

"I always imagined that this would be a music room with your piano in the center. It's where you would play and make sweet music that would flow through the house and soothe everyone. It's where you would teach the baby how to play when he got older and it's where he would practice and learn to be as talented as his mother."

Addison was shocked at Jake's sentiment and walked over to him as he gestured for her to follow him.

He took her hand and walked her to the staircase to the main floor, he invited her into master suite, "I have this image of us, cuddling in bed, warmed by the heat of the fireplace, and waking up admiring the beautiful view of Seattle from the windows… and look at this wardrobe, I can already imagine it overcrowds by your clothes and shoes…" he guided her in the room near the master suite, "…and here, the perfect nursery for our Chicco!" she smiled at her husband enthusiasm, "…and downstairs there's a guest suite with kitchen and bath that it's perfect to invite Amelia!"

Addison was shocked at Jake's sentiment and walked over to him as he gestured for her to follow him.

So many houses like this had always seemed empty, seemed cold but there was something different about this house. As it's various pathways entwined through the building, there was always a sense of togetherness as all of the rooms were built for open plan living. It's ambience and feel spread warmth through your being as the delicate lighting illuminated each journey from room to room. Addison had always wanted a big home, but she was always apprehensive because with a big home came an even bigger sense of isolation for those who had inhabited it and she was all too familiar with feeling abandoned in her own home.

The pastel white interior with hardwood floors added a sense of class and elegance to the sophisticated and architectually innovative design of the home and it begged for the presence of people to inhabit it. Addison already found herself envisioning photo frames on the walls with all of their future memories, drawings from Chicco, and the furniture that they would pick out together. It's as though this house was an open canvas for their new life, a drawing board for all of their ambitions and dreams, where finally a house would feel like a home

Jake finally walked her through the french doors from the kitchen and into the backyard where a trail of rose petals led them to a candle lit table for two. He then stood next to her as they faced the house once again and they both took it in. He looked at her and her delicate face.

"Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Reilly, this house here is a getaway from it all, a place to raise Chicco, a place to make memories, a place to call home. Seattle hasn't treated you well in the past, nor do you have the best memories here but this home is something different. This home is a place where you can re-write those wrongs, where you can fall in love again, where you finally get the life that your so rightfully deserved. This is a home for you, for me, for us and everything that we are. It's a fresh start, a dramatic change and a chance to fall in love all over again. This house is our dream but most of all this house is our happy ending."

Addison didn't know how to react after Jake's speech, there were just so many emotions filling her mind as she thought about the life that this home would bring with it. Here Jake was pouring his heart out and confessing his deepest hopes and dreams, that were all invested in this place. After everything with Derek and selling the Brownstone, Addison didn't know how to feel about owning another home with someone. Los Angeles was different because her house was smaller and completely hers down to the smallest detail to protect herself from all of the bad memories of her past relationships. But this house was different, her once utter refusal to stay in Seattle was slowly wearing away with each moment in that house. All of the little gifts that Jake had placed in each room with his hopes for the future gave Addison a long awaited for sense of hope and belief that maybe good things could happen in Seattle, that she could be at peace with Seattle and that feeling enlightened Addison.

Jake looked at his wife again, searching her eyes for a hint of emotion as to how she felt about this house. He could almost read her like a book but her expression was so curious and so unidentifiable that Jake had no option but to wait until she verbalized how she felt. He was praying that she would see all of the potential that this house had and all of the good memories that would come with it. Jake prayed that this was the start of rebuilding their life together and giving them a chance at experiencing their second chance.

Addison looked one last gaze at the house and then turned to Jake, she stared into his deep brown eyes and a small smile graced her face.

Jake looked back at her and returned the gesture then he noticed a tear fall from her right eye.

"Addie, are you ok?"

"This is a place where I don't feel alone, this is a place where I feel at home."

So what does this mean Addie?"

"Yes, I'll move to Seattle. Jake Reilly you are the love of my life and I want to build this home with you."

* * *

A few weeks had passed and Jake and Addison had finally settled into Seattle. Both of their contracts had been drawn up and finalized, even if they still remained part of the staff of the LA practice, so that they could help their friends with medical cases. Their new house had been bought and all of their belongings had been moved from LA. Their home was slowly coming together as the two of them adding small personalized touches to the house to make it more familiar.

"I can't believe we moved here so fast, just a couple of weeks ago we were living our life in Los Angeles and now we are here in Seattle enjoying our first night in our house"

"Did this happen to fast?"

"Maybe… but I don't regret it, especially because of you!" she said placing a soft kiss on her husband lips, "Jake, this is our first home together, we should celebrate!" she exclaimed happily.

"I love when you are so passionate! Speaking of celebrate our new home, I was thinking to invite a couple of people one of these night, you know, Richard, Owen and his wife, Nancy, Miranda… I promise I'll think of everything, I don't want to put extra stress on you!"

She moved closer and whispered to him "I thought to celebrate in a more 'private' way, indeed…" and placed small kisses on his neck.

"Mrs. Reilly, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Why don't you follow me in our bedroom… I have a couple of ideas to celebrate our home…"

"This sounds better than a bottle of champagne!"

* * *

It was her first night on duty at SGMH, and even if she was feeling well, her pregnancy proceed without any complication, she couldn't deny her stress for the sudden and unexpected changes in her life, moreover hiding her almost six months belly to Derek was becoming everyday more difficult and she knew that the baggy scrubs and thick coats weren't going to hide her growing stomach. She didn't want Derek to find out now, not yet at least because she couldn't deal with telling about the baby when he already had a family that was slowly falling to pieces. Just a little while longer, she thought to herself.

"Night on call?" he asked as soon as he found her busy in the NICU.

"Yes, it is my first since I signed the contract" she answered while she was visiting a baby.

"Addison," Derek called out from behind the incubator. "You look different, you look better, practically glowing even."

Addison's heart sank with those comments, Derek had finally noticed something about her pregnancy but she wasn't sure if he completely knew.

"It's Los Angeles, it does good things to you." Addison replied as she smiled back at Derek through nervous eyes.

"I just wanted to say thank you Addie. Flying out here in the middle of the night after a brief phone call and helping my family, I'm just so grateful for everything."

Derek then flashed her his McDreamy smile and looked down at the sleeping infant. "Maybe we could grab a coffee and catch up?"

"Thank you Derek, not now, I have a lot of… patients to visit, and I really don't have time" That's all that Addison said before rushing out of the room.

Derek was left dumbfounded at the incubator as the red head fled from his presence. What had he done to upset her so much? After everything that they had been through why would she do that to him?

Addison hurriedly walked down the empty corridor with tears streaming down her face.

'Why did he have to say that. Why does he have to be all McDreamy now and notice me?' She said as she walked into the empty on call room, 'why can't he neglect me as he did for the last years of our marriage!'

She was exhausted from moving and consults as today had been one problem after another, but for Derek Shepherd to finally notice that something was going on with her sent Addison's stress levels into overdrive. Maybe sleep was the answer, just a few moments of shut eye would make her feel better. An escape from reality and into the real of sleep would put Addison's mind at easy even if it was only briefly.

A concerned Derek Shepherd walked out of the NICU and down the corridors in search of Addison. He had asked the nurses station if she had gone home but everyone confirmed that Dr. Montgomery-Reilly was in fact still on the premises. Derek tried her office, conference rooms and even the OR before he had given up. Maybe he was just tired from moving back and forth from Meredith and the baby, maybe Derek just needed to sleep. As he made his way back onto the neonatal ward he saw a seemingly empty on call room.

The dark room was a pleasant escape from the bustling hospital scene as Derek tried to surrender to the becoming calls of slumber. However, just as he was about to lye down he saw a slightly moving figure on the bed across from him. He slowly walked up to the mysterious figure and gazed at it until his eyes could focus to clearly see who it was.

When the blurred image came into focus, he realized that it was his ex-wife peacefully sleeping on the bed. He watched her chest rise and fall and the familiar sight strangely soothed him from the stress of his current situation. His eyes were locked on her porcelain skin as the small traces of moonlight peeked through the drawn curtain and illuminated all of the delicate features on her face. She truly was glowing as Derek took the sight of her in.

All of a sudden this overwhelming feeling of remorse overcame Derek as he thought about their past and all of the memories that he had with Addison. All of the images of her asleep waiting for him after a long day of work and all of the times that he had called to cancel their plans. It had never really hit Derek truly until that moment as to how much pain he had caused his ex-wife and how exhausted she was from trying to fight a losing battle. He wanted to wake her and apologize but she just looked so peaceful and calm and Derek didn't want to burden her yet again.

Derek was just about to walk back to the other side of the bed when he noticed that her scrub top had drifted up showing her stomach. It took Derek a second look to realize that there was a slight bump that was captured by the moonlight as it rose up and down. He quietly gasped when it hit him that Addison was pregnant.

All of this time he was so caught up in his own problems that he didn't even notice or take the time out to see that his ex-wife was pregnant and trying to save his son's life. It's true that Addison had seen her fair share of sick newborns but this must have hit close to home especially in her condition. Derek didn't know how to react and was in a state of shock when he then found himself reaching over and placing a hand on her bare stomach. Addison didn't even flinch or move in the slightest as his touch made contact with her growing stomach. He didn't know why he was touching her stomach nor what he would do if she woke up, but the feel of her skin under his hand sent shivers down his spine. This was a sign that she had finally moved on, that she had finally been given the life that she deserved.

It wasn't that Derek wanted her back or that she wanted him back but it meant that the profound connection that he and Addison had had for one another was on both parts mutally invested in someone else. Addison was finally happy and starting a family but it just happened to be with someone else.

She begins to shift and her eyes flutter open revealing the man standing over her.

"Derek?" she says in a sleepy and confused voice.

* * *

**So Addison and Jake moved in Seattle and they bought a brand new home, Mcbaby is still in trouble but don't be afraid we aren't evil as Shonda, Derek finally found about Addison's pregnancy... and we hope to write a new chapter very soon! **

**...Is someone wondering about Addison and Jake new house? **

**it's indeed in Seattle queen anne, it's very modern and classy, unfortunately I can't paste the link...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - _Hi everyone sorry about the delay with this chapter, it's a big one so hopefully it was worth the wait! We would both like to make a note to everyone that reads this story by saying thank you to all of your kind reviews. We really appreciate all of the feedback that you are giving us to help us develop our writing skills but also to present a more thorough and enjoyable story for all of you to read. As for those readers that wish to comment on our diction, I would first like to note that co-writing a story is hard work with different ideas clashing and different vocabularies coming together to form this story. English is not my first language and my co-writer Casey and I try to edit and keep the diction throughout the piece constant but sometimes it's difficult with our busy schedules so sometimes things literally get lost in translation and the fault occurs. We don't mean to critize as we enjoy providing this form of entertainment to you all but please take that into account next time you wish to comment. Thank you for everything and we hope to get the next chapter up ASAP._**

_**PS: we will jump a couple of months forward in the chapter**_

* * *

_A secret is defined as something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others._ _Each and every one of us have our own little secrets, some just for good measure and others to protect ourselves and the ones we love from harm. However, as time continues and goes on, these secrets that were once kept so close and so guarded seem to seep out into the open for all eyes to see. We don't know how people will react or how they will then perceive us and it's the fear derived from such a feeling that causes us to second guess ourselves and hide in the confides of our own micro world. Sometimes it's easier to dismiss the thought of telling others the truth, sometimes it consumes us but then we have to remember that when it does eventually get out there into the open, that the weight is lifted off of our shoulders and we are set free._

Addison instinctively grabbed Derek's soft hand and placed it on her bare stomach with her hand on top of his. Her eyes were still fluttering open and closed until she eventually left them closed as she began to talk to his figure over her.

"Derek..." she said in a sleepy voice. "I tried to stay up but I'm just so exhausted these days... the baby and I need our rest."

A moment then passed between the two of them as before her hand felt limp on top of his and Addison surrendered to the calls of sleep.

'What am I doing?' Derek thought to himself as he still had his hand placed on his ex-wife's belly. Maybe it was that Addison was just too tired to notice, maybe it was him crossing the line but there was something just a little too familiar in that small gesture that made Derek's heart melt. Seeing Addison pregnant and then hearing her mumble those words was like an overwhelming feeling of deja-vu had overcome him. Those words lingered in Derek's mind about the life that they could have had together. He always imagined coming home and finding her sitting on the lounge waiting for him to sit with her and snuggle together during a movie when they would bicker over baby names and decorations. For so long he had wanted a family with Addison but the timing was never right no matter how hard they tried. Yes, they had talked about children but they never really made an effort with each other. Now to finally see Addison carrying a baby that wasn't his was like a shard of glass to Derek's heart. He guessed that on some level he would always be the father of her children but this was a wake up call to Derek, Addison had finally moved on.

She was fast asleep again with her hand still placed on top of his, she sounded so exhausted and so tired that he didn't want to disturb her again and ask her about the baby. But still Derek found himself sitting there for just a little bit longer picturing something that was thought to be impossible. He smiled at her sleeping figure as he thought about how she must have been feeling about the baby. Derek was truly happy for her, he really was but still that small ounce of jealously hid in the deep confides of his mind.

Addison then began to stir again but this time instantly snapped out of her dreamy phase as if her body knew that something was wrong. Her hand felt something beneath it as well as something that was on her bare stomach. She opened her eyes and they slowly began to focus on the figure standing over her.

"Oh my god, Derek what are you doing?"

"I uhh, I... You're Pregnant."

"Don't you think that this is crossing some boundaries Derek?"

"I uhh, I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. I'll leave now."

"No, don't. I'll leave. You should be with Meredith."

Addison felt so embarrassed with what had just happened. She didn't need this to add to her already high stress levels. Derek Shepherd could not know about this baby, not now, not yet. She hurriedly walked down the hallways to the locker room where she grabbed her belongings and headed home.

Derek tried to follow Addison, wanting answers for her strange behavior but he knew that now wasn't a good time and headed back to Meredith's room.

* * *

Monday morning marked the fifth consecutive week of rain in the emerald city since Jake and Addison had arrived. The golden couple had just entered SGMWH and made their way to the fifth floor conference room to attend the weekly department briefing with staff about the week's medical cases.

"How do you feel?" Jake said to Addison in a concerned voice. "I felt you tossing and turning a lot last night, is there something wrong?"

"No honey, there's nothing for you to be concerned about. Thanks to that thunderstorm I didn't get any sleep at all!" Addison said as she looked at her husband. "You know how I am with thunderstorms."

Truth be told Addison never really minded thunderstorms before, in fact there was always something she found intriguing about them. It had been storming on the night that Derek left her and now Addison always found herself restless when it came to storms but Jake didn't need to know that, not now anyway. She simply smiled at him to reassure him that everything was fine.

Jake leant over and gently offered a seat to his pregnant wife and grabbed a cup of coffee for himself and some juju for his wife.

"It's been over a month since we've lived here and all we've had is just three days of sun, and you wonder why I prefer Los Angeles?"

"You know you sound like you're a little too sensitive to the weather, Addie?"

"Who's sensitive to the weather?" Callie Torres asked as she strode into the conference room.

"Morning Callie!" Addison and Jake said in unison as they greeted the orthopedic surgeon.

"It appears as though our Addison here is a little sensitive to the weather!" Jake confessed.

"Don't tell me that the great Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery Reilly double board certified neonatal surgeon with a masters in genetics etc., etc. is afraid of a little thunderstorm!"

"Hey! I am not afraid of thunderstorms... it's just the pregnancy..." she said placing her hand on her growing bump.

A few moments had passed when everyone was settling themselves at the table when Dr. Owen Hunt entered.

"Good Morning Doctors, if we are all present we can commence the briefing." Owen said as he gestured for everyone to open their files. "Let's commence with Neuro and Dr. Shepherd's briefing."

"Uh Owen? Shepherd is missing!" Cristina remarked.

Owen glanced at his watch and then looked back up to his staff. "Ok can anyone please contact Shepherd?"

"I called him Chief, he said he's on his way." Miranda replied with an annoyed expression on her face.

A couple minutes later and a breathless Derek arrived, " Sorry, Zola wasn't feeling well today, just tummy ache," he explained taking a seat opposite Addison.

"Now that we're all present we can begin the brief. Derek you look unsettled, let's head to General Surgery first, Doctor Bailey what surgeries do you have scheduled for today?"

"Male, 60 years old, stage II adenocarcinoma of the pancreas, Dr. Webber and I have scheduled a pancreaticoduodenectomy for today as our course of action."

"Excellent work doctors," Dr. Hunt replied. "Is there anything else planned?"

"Just a Whipple, Sir." Bailey commented.

"Alright next on the agenda is Neonatal and OBGYN. Dr. Reilly, please proceed with your cases."

"I have 4 oocytes pick-ups and I have a good news for all of you, today Dr. Meredith Grey will be finally discharged from the hospital, her condition has been stabilized her vitals are fine!" all the staff members clapped their hands at Jake's announcement.

"That's a great news!" Owen exclaimed, "When do you think that Baby Shepherd can be discharged?"

"Bailey Shepherd's conditions are improving, even if it is too soon to exclude any permanent damage. We have to wait to assess his psychomotor development but for the moment he is stable, his seizures have been under control for a week now with the barbituric drugs and he's finally breathing all by himself. I think that he's ready to be discharged and go home with his Mommy!" Addison informed the staff.

"This is a really great news, we're all really happy for you Derek and we wish you and Meredith all the best!" Owen told his friend

The staff finished the remainder of the briefings and was about to be dismissed when Jake interrupted them.

"Everyone, Addison and I would like to invite all of you over for a house warming dinner party on Friday night to celebrate and welcome everyone into our new home. It's a bit of a get together and social event to say thank you for welcoming us into your hospital but also to finally meet everyone."

Addison and Derek made eye contact over the conference table but Addison was quick to break it as she didn't want to confront Derek after that awkward encounter in the on call room on Saturday night. The two had been avoiding each other which wasn't necessarily easy given the circumstances but each did whatever they could to make themselves as scarce as possible.

* * *

Friday had finally arrived and it was as if finally the odds were in their favor as the weather promised a clear and beautiful star studded night with not a trace of clouds in sight. Addison had tried to make her best to ensure that everything was perfect for the evening.

"Jake honey, what time did you say the caterers were going to arrive?" she asked her husband in a concerned manner. "It's already 5:30 and the dinner starts at 8, we can't make them wait for their food!"

"Sweetheart relax, everything looks amazing and the catering company should be by 7 at the latest to start the dinner service."

"Do you think our guests will like the menu?"

"Honey, we chose the best catering company in the city. Our guests are going to love the menu and they will thoroughly enjoy themselves. Now you have to relax and enjoy the evening ok?"

Addison still had a concerned look painted on her face as she went over every detail again. She was overwhelmed with all of the things that could go wrong and didn't know where to start. She started to tear up at the thought of the guests not enjoying themselves.

"Do you think they will like the chicken Marsala? I think we should have chosen something more American," she said through a sob.

"Addison why are you crying? Take a deep breath and sit down next to me on the couch."

"It's the hormones!" she said as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"Addison I love you to pieces and I know that your hormones sometimes get the better of you but you have got to pull it together honey." He hugged her and place a tender kiss on her forehead, she was still sobbing, "Deep breaths, Addie, nothing will go wrong tonight, it's just a dinner with friends"

"Did you turn on the lights of the pool?" she asked again

"Addie, it's 5:30 pm there's still sun outside and the lights of the pool will turn on automatically like every night!"

"Jake?"

"Yes, honey"

"I love you"

It was 10:00 pm when everyone had finished dinner as the party continued from the dining room into the backyard for an outside tour to the alfresco dining area for dessert and wine tasting. Everyone was really enjoying themselves and the Reilly's hospitality as they explored the stunning residence. As they all settled themselves at the new dining area, small talk was being made amongst the different guests and Addison saw this as a perfect time to excuse herself for a short break.

"Jake sweetie, I'm just going to go upstairs for a little while to rest. I just need a quick breather because Chicco's making me exhausted tonight, I promise I'll be down soon." Addison said as she kissed her husband on the cheek.

"Alright Addie, take it easy." Jake said before he was pulled into a conversation with Owen and Webber.

Derek was alone at the party. He was standing in the corner watching Addison as she departed from the dining room. He knew that he could finally get her alone now and talk to her about what happened on Saturday night in the on call room. As he looked over the party once more he noticed that everyone was too caught up in their own conversations to notice him leaving. He was about to follow her when Callie Torres saw him deep in thought.

"Hey Shep, troubles on your mind?" Callie said in a tipsy voice.

"No you um know where the bathroom is?" Derek replied to cover his tracks.

"I think this house has like five bathrooms or something, my guess is that there would be one upstairs but then again there could just as easily be one downstairs, no I'll change that, there is definitely a bathroom upstairs." Callie slurred to the neurosurgeon.

"Thank you Callie," Derek said in a sincere voice. "Oh and Dr. Torres, don't drink too much more."

"Don't tell me what to do McDreamy!" Callie yelled after him but it was too late as Derek had gone.

Derek slowly made his way upstairs taking the architecture of Addison's new home. So many things screamed Addison, yet the subtlety of her style complemented the house whilst still providing a warmth that was emitted from the walls. He gazed at the photo frames on the walls and all of the memories that Jake and her displayed in their home. He saw their wedding photos, vacations together, Jake's family and a few of Addison's. He was just about to continue through when he noticed the last photo on the right. It was a picture of her and Derek from their med school graduation with the two of them smiling and so happy together. Derek had completely forgot about their med school days and all of the fun that the two of them had together whilst Mark when patrolling for women on campus. He continued his way through the dark corridor opening each door slowly in the hopes that she would be there.

Derek came to the final door at the end of the hallway and slowly turned the handle. As the door opened the light escaped from behind it and beckoned him to come in further. His eyes searched the room taking in the decorations as he found himself in what will be soon the nursery and right before him slowly rocking back and forth was Addison. A small smile came to his face as he saw her asleep in the blue rocking armchair with a book in one hand and the other draped protectively over her bump. He approached her slowly in an attempt not to startle her and began to wake her up.

"Addie, Addie dear, wake up." Derek said calmly as he whispered into her ear.

"Whaaa?" Addison said as her eyes flickered open ever so gently. "Derek what are you doing up here?"

"I uh came to see you, I wanted to talk about what happened in that on call room."

"Yet here you are in my home once again watching me sleep, Derek don't you think that this is crossing too many boundaries even for friends."

"Look Addison I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that and I guess about this."

"Derek, I..."

"No Addison let me finish."

Addison sat there in silence and nodded for him to continue.

"I know that what I did was wrong and yes it did cross many boundaries but I don't know what overcame me in that moment. I guess it was just weird for me to see you pregnant you know after everything that we've been through. It seems like the only time that I could picture you pregnant was with me and I guess that seeing it happen now means that you've finally moved on and that you're finally happy. I know it sounds like a double standard because obviously I have Meredith, Zola and Bailey now but I just want you to know that I am so happy for you, I really mean it."

"Thank you Derek." Addison said in a quiet voice.

"You know you could have told me." Derek said as he looked at her with those McDreamy eyes.

"Derek, it wasn't the right time and it wasn't about me, it was about providing the best possible care that I could give to Meredith and Bailey."

"It isn't just about Meredith and Bailey, right Addie? It's like you are afraid of talking about your pregnancy with me, but I don't understand why? I felt like a stupid idiot because the whole hospital knew you were pregnant except me."

"Me afraid?! Derek, don't you think it's a little awkward talking about my own pregnancy with my ex-husband?"

"But when you were sleeping didn't sound so awkward!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Last week in the on-call room... I put my hand on your belly and you start talking about the baby..."

"I don't remember, I guess I was thinking you were Jake"

"No, I wasn't Jake, and you knew I wasn't him, you said my name, Addie... It was all so familiar! Addison, you talked with everyone in the hospital about this baby except me, what are you hiding?"

"Hiding? I just don't want to talk about my pregnancy with my ex, I don't think this means I'm hiding something!"

"How far are you?"

"Why do you care, Derek? You have an amazing family, two beautiful children and a wife you love more than your life… Why are you suddenly starting caring about me?"

"Addison…"

"No, let me finish, I should have said this years before, you never cared, I was just a problem in your life, you didn't even want to try to work things out… For not talking about children, you didn't want to build a family with me, gosh, you were even against the whole FIVET process… and now that I'm struggling to build my own family you play the card of the good guy, it's late Derek!"

"Addison I'm just trying to be a good friend for you, remember that time in med school you thought of me as your best friend"

"And if I well remember, your were the same person who reminded me things change"

"Come on, Addison, we can be still good friends and be civil with each other… How far are you?"

"Why is so important for you to know my gestational age?"

"Because it's what friends do"

"Do you want to be my friend, Derek?"

"Of course!"

"So please, stop talking about my pregnancy!"

"Come on, Addison, this is just stupid… So, let me guess, 24 weeks?"

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"Less? More? Is it a boy or a girl? Looking at the furniture of this room I guess it's a boy… did I hit it?"

"28 weeks, and yes, it's a boy, are you happy now? Did I satisfy your knowledge about my pregnancy? Can we please stop talking about it?"

"It's 7 months!"

"Congratulations, you're good at maths!"

"…but you are still hiding something, Addie"

"Hiding something… If you weren't a selfish asshole Derek you would have shown at that damn appointment 7 months ago in New York and you would have known the whole story about this baby!"

"What do you mean seven months ago Addison? I was busy I couldn't just drop everything and go to New York because you wanted to talk to me!"

"You were already in New York, you were there for a conference and I knew because Amelia told me… and just to remind you I dropped everything for your baby, but I'm more than sure you wouldn't have done the same for me! Now if you excuse me I have guests downstairs"

Addison came out of the room leaving Derek alone and with a bunch of unanswered questions and a strange feeling of guilty.

She joined her husband still busy in a conversation with Richard and Owen.

"Honey!" Jake exclaimed as his wife arrived "I was starting to worry, how do you feel?"

"I'm great! Did I miss something interesting?"

"Richard, Owen and I were talking about the new surgery robot we buy at the hospital… but most important, we were waiting for you for the desserts and the champagne!"

"The whole night I've been waiting for this moment, those mini cheesecakes look incredibly tasty"

"We have a deal, Addison, no more than two!"

"This guy is making me starve!" she confessed to her guests who replied with a genuine laugh, meanwhile Jake headed to dessert area to pick a mini cheesecake for Addison, Owen commented "Jake is really amazing, everybody loves him at the hospital…"

"Yeah, I know… Especially that young intern" Addison commented sarcastically at Owen statement, "…And Richard knows that I'm not very lucky with 'interns'"

"He makes interns work and there are a lot of new requests to frequent your department, and we both know it isn't just for Jake, you both are doing an excellent job Addison!"

"Thank you, Owen, you are doing a great job too!"

"So, in few months we will finally meet little Reilly!" Owen said.

"Yes, I'm finally entering in the last trimester and Jake and I are very excited to become parents."

"You two are lucky, you met and you both wanted the same things… I just hoped it was the same for Cristina and me" he confessed looking in the direction of Cristina who was happily playing around with Alex and Jackson.

"Maybe she just needs time Owen, but if she is sure about her decision you have to respect her will and move on"

Jake came back with a chocolate mini-cheesecake for his wife and another glass of champagne for him, "This is for you, sweetheart… oh, Miranda was looking for you."

"Where is she?"

"She's near the pool, She's trying to talk Callie out of jumping into the pool but by the looks of it Torres is determined to go for a swim."

"Sorry Owen! I have to go" she told the chief excusing herself.

"Os sure, no problem, see you later Addison!"

* * *

As Jake looked down at his watch he noticed that it was already 1am by the time that the last guest had left. Addison had just farewelled Miranda and a very intoxicated Callie and closed the door.

"Maybe we should've let Callie stay, Miranda seemed kind of annoyed with Callie after she pulled her into the pool."

"Are your friends always like that Addison?" Jake asked in a joking manner.

"No, Callie's just been a little stressed lately and tonight was just for her to let loose a little. Bailey on the other hand sometimes has to hold her together and unfortunately tonight just wasn't her night."

"Ahh I see then." Jake smirked.

"Thank you, for tonight and for everything Jake. I just can't say how much I love you right now." Addison said as she wrapped her arms around her husband.

"What do you say we leave the cleaning up for later and go upstairs?" Jake said as he grabbed Addison's hand and pulled her up the stairs.

* * *

**A month later – Addison' and Jake's house **

It had been a long day for the two doctors as Addison entered the bedroom and Jake followed after her.

"Oh God I'm so exhausted." Addison said as she climbed into bed with her husband.

"Addison sweetheart, you need to start slowing down for Chicco." Jake said in a concerned manner.

"I know but laboring moms need me and no one can predict what happens." Addison said as she nestled in under his arm.

"You know I was thinking today at the ultrasound and at Chicco" Jake confessed.

"What do you mean? Nancy said the baby was perfectly healthy, the flowmetry and the biometry were good. Did you notice something wrong?"

"Calm down, sweetheart, I was just thinking at the baby"

"I spent all days thinking at Chicco especially since he has is head already stuck in my pelvis and I have to pee every 15 minutes…"

He put a protective hand on her belly, "No, I mean, he is fine, he is growing fine and he is already 32 weeks… I love the nickname Chicco, but don't you think we should start choosing a real name?"

Addison avoided eye contact as she tried to formulate a response to Jake's statement. She had completely forgotten about naming the baby and felt terrible about it. "Do you have any ideas?" Addison asked in an anxious manner

"I have a couple of names, but maybe naming books and internet has some good suggestions"

"Oh, wait me here, Amelia gave me a couple of books about baby names"

She went downstairs looking for the books and came back in the bedroom 15 minutes later, "Did you have an hard time finding the book? Downstairs in the office there are still so many unwrapped boxes."

"No I found the book easily, I just went to the bathroom again... Jake, it's becoming annoying especially at the hospital or in the OR!" she said as she entered in bed again

"You have to be patient, Addison, these are just the last 2 months, then I will literally pick this little guy from your belly!"

"I talked with Nancy about your idea of the C-section…" Addison confessed

"And?"

"She wasn't convinced, she said the baby is cephalic and in her opinion I could give birth vaginally…"

"We both agreed about the C-section"

"Yeah, I know, but after all these years I've been helping mothers give birth to their babies, I just wanted to experience that feeling."

"What of a 10 pound baby coming out of a very tiny hole?" Jake said in a sarcastic tone which earned him a slap from Addison.

"First our Chicco, thanks your diet, will never be a 10 pound baby…but, seriously, Jake, there's that instant where all of the pain is worth it and you're exhausted and they take the baby and they place it in your arms and you finally become a mother, I want that!"

"Addison, sweetheart, whatever you decide I will be near your side, it's your decision" he held her tight in his arms and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "…but, we still have to choose a good name for Chicco!" Jake grabbed one of the books on the bed and started browsing it.

"What about Matthew or Elias?"

"No Elias sounds like an old man and I once dated a guy called Matthew in high school and needless to say it didn't end very well." She answered yawning

"Umh, what about Peter? I like Peter, I also like Benjamin…" but Addison was already surrender in the call of sleep in. Jake turned off the light and gently kissed her head whispering "Good night, sweetheart!"

* * *

Addison awoke to the sound of her doorbell being rung. It was 8:00am and she noticed that Jake had already left to go to the hospital for the day. She put on her slippers and headed downstairs to greet whoever was at the door. As she turned the handle a tall delivery man greeted her and asked her to sign a form to receive a package. Addison was curious as to why someone was sending her a package but went along with it as the thought excited her. She thanked the man and returned inside to relieve her growing curiosity. In her hands was a large brown box that had been heavily wrapped by it's sender but before Addison tore into the package she took the time out to read the small letter that was attached to it.

_Addison, _

_I found this in your closet when I was moving my things in here. I don't know if you left it here on purpose or if it was in fact an accident but maybe this will give you some of the answers that you're looking for. I hope that everything is going well in Seattle with your new hospital and co-workers and that Derek isn't being an ass to you. I love you and I miss you more and more each day, I can't wait to visit when the baby is born. _

_Love always your little sister Amelia._

Addison clutched the note to her chest as she realized how much she had missed Amelia over these past few months. Amelia had been there with her through countless ordeals in LA and was her person. Now that she was living in Seattle, the contact between them was scarce due to their busy schedules and no one felt that more than Amelia. Addison promised herself to contact Amelia more often but was happy for her and her new found independence. She placed the letter on top of the box and carried it back up to her bedroom.

Addison sat on the floor with her legs crossed like a child anxiously waiting to unwrap its Christmas presents and began tearing off the packaging. As she unearthed more and more layers she eventually came across the main contents of the box, a purple shoebox that haunted her past. She knew what it was from but didn't remember it's contents, the thought of what was inside mortified her but also made her a little uneasy, still she continued with her mission. As Addison delicately removed the lid, her eyes lit up at the contents of the box. Inside were all of the things that she and Derek had collected over the years for their own childhood, the stuffed bear from their trip to England, the onesie she found whilst shopping in New York and the photos that they took of each other decorating their house together to show the baby. With each object Addison found herself tearing up as she reminded on the life that was. Yes it was true that she was happy now and that her life was for the better but yet much like Derek, Addison found herself questioning it all and asking the proverbial question, What if? She finally after using what seemed to be almost half of a box of tissues she reached the final item in the box, a baby names book. Her hands graced the cover and slowly flicked through it as her eyes scanned each page. There were already marking from when her and Derek were bored one night and decided it would be fun. She laughed at the ones that they used to bicker about like Aaron and Lucas and the ones that they would use to spite each other like Atticus and Cletus. It wasn't until the last page when she found their short-list of names that they both agreed on that really made Addison cry. That was when she found it the perfect name for the baby, she knew that Jake would like it and she knew that Derek would approve of it. It was only in good time that she was going to tell them.

Later that evening when Jake returned home from the hospital that a well rested Addison greeted him.

"Welcome home Sweetheart," she said as she placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I hope the hospital wasn't too tiring for you."

"No, it was just slow but I'm glad to be here back with you." Jake then grabbed his wife who was about to cross the room and pulled her into his arms as he inhaled her scent. "God I missed you."

Addison giggled at his remark and moved his hands to her growing bump.

"So you remember last night how we were both bickering over baby names?"

"No I remember last night we bickered over two names and then you fell asleep on me."

"I did no…. Awww sorry honey I was just really tired." She said as she placed another kiss on his lips. "As I was saying I had an epiphany today about what to name the baby."

"Oh you did? Did it come in a dream or a spiritual awakening?"

"You know if you're going to be like that then I won't tell you."

"I'm sorry honey please continue."

"Christopher William Montgomery Reilly."

"What?"

"Christopher in honor of his father and William in honor of yours. I thought it would be nice if there was a piece of both of you in the baby, but I mean we can change it if you don't like it I…"

Jake then silenced Addison's ranting with a kiss on the lips. She instantly stopped and looked straight into his deep brown eyes.

"It's perfect and so are you. Addison I love it."

* * *

**Another month later**

Another month had passed, the emerald city was becoming more familiar everyday for the two surgeons. Addison was now in her 36th week, her pregnancy proceeded without complications, and both Addison and Jake were arranging their lives for the arriving of their first baby.

Wednesday evening marked another quiet night at Sloan Grey Memorial Hospital. The day had been moving slow. Jake Reilly was still in the middle of a long and complicated surgery on a young woman affected by cervical cancer, so Addison Montgomery decided to leave the hospital and waiting for him at home. Just ten minutes after she had left the hospital, Owen Hunt barged into the ER informing the doctors.

"Ok everyone we've got a trauma in the field, seems that there was a 10 car pile up on the 34, at least a dozen critical with mass casualties. Apparently there was some black ice on the roads that hadn't been cleared. We need to send a team out now because Seattle Pres is backed up with the first wave of responders. Shepherd, Bailey, Torres, Yang, Reilly and I will head out and triage whilst Webber, Robbins, Avery, Kepner and Karev you'll all be here running the E.R. We need to move quickly people, no one knows the full extent of the injuries out there and we need to have all hands on deck."

Everyone looked around the room at each other taking in the silence as they all agreed silently. Tonight was most certainly not going to be the quiet night that they were all hoping for and everyone knew it. As the team was about to gear up a small voice called out from behind Bailey.

"Dr. Reilly is still in OR 2 finishing up on his patient, he won't be done for another few hours at least." Dr. Wilson said as she made her way to the front. "Should I pull him out of surgery?"

"No, where's Nancy Shepherd?" the chief asked, "She's back in Connecticut to finalize her divorce!" Torres replied.

"Does someone know where is Dr. Montgomery?" Owen asked again.

"Dr. Montgomery finished her shift 10 minutes ago!" Dr. Wilson informed.

"Ok, can you page her? I need at least an ob/gyn attending here in the ER.

The residents tried several time to contact Addison, but she didn't answer back at the phone calls.

"Ok, there's no time to waste, is the Triage team ready to go?" the doctors nodded to their chief, "Shepherd keep me constantly informed!" Owen whispered into Derek's ear.

Derek nodded in acknowledgement and continued into the ambulance bay. He had strange feelings, he saw Addison leaving the hospital, he wanted to stop her and to try to talk with her, but after their confrontation months ago the two of them had a silent agreement not to talk about it. He picked its phone from the pocket of his jacket and dialed Addison's number hoping for an answer. Nothing again. The ambulance proceed on its way to the scene of the accident, and Derek thoughts went back to that night, at the many things she said that he didn't understand. She was so secretive about her pregnancy with him but yet he was the first one she called when her mother died, when Archer was sick and when she mourned over Mark. Why was it that she could share every innermost personal detail, every heartbreaking moment with him, yet she struggled to tell him about the one thing that made her the happiest? Then the questions continued, until Derek asked himself why she was angry at him for not being there.

The three doctors finally arrived, the scenes in front of their eyes was really dramatic, more than dozen car involved, the firemen were already there helping to extract the injured people from the car's metal sheet. His expert eyes analyzed the situation trying to find the first people to help, but his gaze stared on the image of a black Audi A7 badly damaged, he panicked it was Jake's car, he saw it several times in the garage of the hospital.

"The woman in the black car, where is she?" he asked frantically to the other rescuers.

"Sir, there are like 3 black cars…"

"The Audi! There was a woman inside, she's pregnant, where is she?" he said raising his voice.

* * *

**We really hope you liked this new chapter... Your feedbacks and reviews are very welcome! We promise you more is coming**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 - Dear readers, thank you for reading and reviewing the story. We are sorry for this late update, but we had two very busy weeks. We worked hard on this new chapter, and we really hope you all we'll like it. We took in great considerations all your precious advices. **

**The chapter starts right where we closed the previous one and Derek is really concerned for what happened to Addison. **

**Read, enjoy and review! **

* * *

"The woman in the black car, where is she?" Derek asked frantically to the rescuer as he surveyed the scene.

"Sir, there were at least three black cars that were involved. We can't monitor everything that's happening all at once."

Derek ran over to the black crashed Audi to view the full extent of the damage. As he came closer to to the vehicle his greatest fears started to surface as he saw the front of the car completely crushed. The sides were grazed and indented from the heavy impact of the other vehicles and glass covered the ground beneath him. Derek looked over at the rescue personnel once again and began to raise his voice.

"Pregnant woman almost to term, her name is Addison Montgomery, where is she? Is she alive?"

"Sir, we have a lot of work to do here, a couple of injured people have already been taken to Seattle Presbyterian you might want to try them first before you jump to any conclusions."

Another paramedic overheard the argument and approached the two men.

"Dave we're going to need your over near the SUV with the jaws." The paramedic said as he signaled for the man to go. "Sir, I saw a pregnant woman over there in that overturned bus," he said as he pointed in her direction. "I don't know about her condition but I have to go now."

"Addison, Addison? Oh my god, are you ok?" He said as he climbed over the broken chairs that were between him and his ex wife. "What are you doing in here? Have they checked on you and the baby?"

"Derek, calm down, I'm fine. I need you to help me transfer her onto a gurney and take her to an ambulance. Her pulse is weak and she's not going to last for much longer if we leave her here."

"What do you mean you're trying to help Addison?!. You're a victim here, you're pregnant, you need to seek urgent medical attention now!" he exclaimed as he tried to reason with her. "Let me triage you and check on you."

"Derek, I'm perfectly fine, now are you going to help me move this girl because if you aren't then you better go any get me someone who can!"

"I… I.. saw your car, it's completely destroyed Addie."

"I know, Jake's going to kill me when he finds out but it all happened in the blink of an eye. I saw the first two cars get rear ended, luckily I stopped mine in time and I came out, I was calling 911 when another car at high speed arrived and badly hit my car and then another one came and before I knew it there was a massive pileup."

"Addison, you're bleeding." Derek said as he notices the large gash on her forehead and cuts on her arms. "You need to be fixed up."

"Derek, it doesn't hurt… they are just minor excoriations due to the debris, I can wait but I need your help to move this girl."

Derek knew how stubborn Addison was going to be and proceeded to help her move the girl. He gently lifted her up and onto the gurney as Addison monitored her vitals and tied a toniquet around her leg. The two of them moved as fast as they could and were able to get the girl out in no time.

"Derek you go and take her to the ambulance and I'll finish grabbing these things." Addison said as she packed up the medical bag.

"Addison, I'm not leaving without you." Derek said as he looked down at her.

"Derek, now is not the time and I swear to god if you don't get her to an ambulance I will personally find you and kick your ass!"

The comment made Derek chuckle a little at how Addison was able to maintain a sense of humor given the circumstances. He pushed the girl out and into the ambulance. The man beside him signaled for the ambulance to head off and gave the go ahead to the rest of the crew. As Derek turned around he heard a large bang and noticed that Addison was not behind him.

He immediately knew that something was wrong and ran over once again to the bus.

"Sir, that rig is unstable, it hasn't been cleared you're going to have to stay out," the fireman said as he warned Derek.

"My wife's in there!" he yelled as he pushed through and jumped inside. "Addison? Addison!"

There was no reply as his voice echoed around the bus. He pushed through the wreckage as he made his way towards the back. The bang had caused the chairs to fall and strike Addison as she was getting out. Derek sifted through the junk until he saw a flash of red hair.

"Addison," he yelled as he pulled the chair off of her. "Addison can you hear me?"

"D..D..Derek you're here." She said scared.

"I'm here Addie, I'm here! I'm gonna get you out of here?"

"Derek, I can't move my left leg and it hurts so much"

"Is it broken?"

"It's trapped under one of these seats, and I can't move it " but as she tried to move her left leg she felt something lacerated her skin,"Aaaaaahhh" she yelled for the pain.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

She tried to touch her injured leg with her left hand, she panicked, without seeing what she was touching she felt a metallic bar, her hand was covered by blood, "Oh my god Derek, I have a metallic bar jabbed in my thigh, I'm bleeding and it hurts so much Derek" and cried "Please get me out of here, get me out of here"

"Ok, Addie, calm down, is the leg that is bleeding?"

"Yeah" she replied in pain

"Ok, I'm going to call help to take you out of this damn bus!" he said as he tried to process the situation.

"Damn!" she lashed out before he left, "I think my waters just broke!"

"Gosh, Addie, are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!... This is a nightmare"

"Addison, I'm going to get help ok, do you think you can hold on a little more?"

Addison nodded at Derek's request and watched him leave the bus.

Derek ran as fast as he could towards the firefighter and tried to grab his attention.

"I need a gurney right away! I've got an injured pregnant woman who's in labor."

"Sir, you're going to have to wait at least another 40 minutes, I just sent the last ambulance off and they've been backed up all night."

"Maybe, you don't understand, she's injured, trapped in a bus and in labor, I need a squad now to get her out of there!" he said raising his voice against the poor firefighter.

"Sir, everybody here needs help, we are doing everything we can to help these people, I'll send you the first squad available"

Without even waiting for the firefighter's response Derek ran back to Addison.

"You're back" Addison said with a fragile voice and teary eyes.

"Yeah, babe, I'm here…"

"But you're alone"

"Addie the ambulance won't be here for maybe another hour do you think you can hold on… How do you feel?"

"I'm scared, Derek"

"You will be fine, Addie" he said as he stroked her hair.

"It was all my fault…"

"Honey, you were just trying to help these people"

"All I ever wanted was to be a mother" she sighed.

"You will be an amazing mother, Addison"

"I've made so many mistakes, Derek…"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Addie…"

"No, Derek, you don't understand what I'm trying to say to you."

"You're just scared Addison…"

"Derek… Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, honey"

"Do you love your children?"

He really didn't expect this kind of question "Of course I love my children, they are like fresh air and this baby will be an incredible joy for you and Jake too as soon as you will hold him in your arms… I really hope our children will be friends when they get older. What are you going to name the baby?" he said trying to distracting her from the pain.

She started to cry out in pain as a contraction hit her body "Chris… Christopher William… Montgomery… Reilly" and without holding the tears from her eyes she asked again "…Did you… Did you… ever think about having a family with me, Derek? I mean a real family, not just you and me"

He didn't answer soon, then, he replied, "It doesn't matter anymore, Addison…"

* * *

**_FLASHBACK_**

_Addison and Derek were in their car on their way to the hospital, "I don't understand why are you so against it?"_

"_Addison, do you really want to talk about this again? Because we already talked about this yesterday night and the night before!" he told her as he raised his voice._

"_I just don't understand why all you say about this is a NO! You should at least explain to me why you're so against it?"_

"_Addison we are not ill or dying, we don't need it!"_

"_You're denying problem at hand here Derek!"_

"_I'm not denying anything Addison… I just think we are not one of those couples"_

"_You can't even name it!"_

"_Wha…?"_

"_Yeah Derek, for you we are not one of those couple who need ASSISTED REPRODUCTIVE TECHNIQUES!...but, maybe, since you've more experience than me in this field, you should at least explain to me why after more than a year we're trying that we still aren't having a baby?" she replied in a critical tone._

"_We are stressed people Addison, maybe we just need to try a little harder!"_

"…_And maybe, in this great reasoning, you are forgetting you had a varicocelectomy when you were 17 year old"_

"_Are you saying the problem is me now?"_

"_No, the problem is US… We did our check ups and we know that our fertility potential is not as good as we thought… to not talk about the 25% of risk to conceive a baby affected by cystic fibrosis."_

"_Stop playing doctor with me, Addison, I don't need your punditry!"_

"_Oh my punditry, Derek… To be clear I'm just trying to face the problem and to find a solution. Unfortunately, you don't seem so interested!"_

"_For you the only solution seems to be a baby in a tube, Addie!"_

"_What's wrong with it? Millions of babies every year come in to the world this way! Why can't we have a baby in a tube? No, the question at hand isn't about me being ready it's about you…Derek, do you really want a baby?"_

"_Maybe if you weren't so focused on your career, we wouldn't have this problem!"_

"_Oh, sorry Derek, I'm an horrible person who forgot to have a baby in her 20s to focus on her job, because its ok only if it's the man the one that's too focused on his career!"_

_Derek stopped the car in the parking garage of the hospital "Addison, I didn't want to say this, sorry it was rude, and to answer you, I do want a baby, but not like this, not because we have to… If we wait children will arrive!"_

_She got out of the car, and before closing the car door she told his husband "I've waited enough Derek… And sometimes mother nature needs help!"_

* * *

And suddenly, everything was clear in Derek's mind "Oh my god, when you said about how I wasn't at the appointment and how I wasn't into the FIVET did you mean that…and the name… Oh my… Addison, how could you do it without even asking me… This is just…"

"Please, Derek" she said crying as another painful contraction hit her body.

"I thought you had became a better person, Addison… What the hell were you thinking? And Jake who seemed always so earnest how could he have agreed with this?…"

"Derek, I… I…"

"I can't stay here… I just can't… I look at you… and… I can't even look at you right now" and as always he walked away, leaving Addison crying and sobbing.

"Please, Derek, don't leave me here… Don't leave me here alone, please, Derek!" Addison cried and sobbed, she begged him to stay with her, trying to grab with her hand his arm, "Please, stay at least for the baby…", but nothing could change Derek's mind, he felt angry and betrayed and the only thing he wanted to do in that moment was walking away from her.

He wandered through the scene of the accident looking for someone to help, but indeed, all he wanted was left that place as soon as possible.

* * *

Addison closed her eyes as the tears streamed down them, her whole body was in a world of pain as every movement she made caused her to cringe in pain. When she opened her eyes she stared blankly at the empty bus and tried to take in what had just exactly happened.

Derek roamed absently from a car crashed to another, ignoring the victims and his role of aid keeper. Its own mind was too busy trying to process the shocking news he just received. He met again the firefighter who less than an hour ago he asked help to rescue Addison.

"Sir, as soon as we finish getting out the people in this SUV we will send our men ad tools to help the woman in the bus!", Derek nodded absently not really taking care of the firefighter's words.

He was leaving the scene of the disaster when Owen stopped him "Derek, where are you going?", Derek ignored him, "Hey, I'm talking with you! Where are you going? There are at least a dozen of people here who need help, I heard in the grey SUV there's a little girl who needs to be check…"

"I'm sorry Owen…I…I can't stay here, I need to go at home…"

"Man, what's wrong with you? This people need help, you can't leave! I need you to check on that girl, she hit her head pretty bad and…" Owen tried to explain, but before he could finish Derek stopped him "I can't check on her, I need to go home… Sorry Owen, I'm not feeling good!"

Callie assisted at the scene, she was very confused by that strange behavior, Derek was always impeccable in his job and ready to face all kind of emergencies.

"What's wrong with Shepherd? He looks strange…" the orthopedic surgeon asked as Owen joined her.

"I have no idea, he just told me he was not feeling well and then left" Owen commented still shocked.

* * *

Another hour passed and Addison was still abandoned in the bus. Her body cringed in pain, she didn't know anymore if the pain in her heart from Derek leaving her or the searing pain in her leg with the more frequent contractions was more painful. She knew that she had be strong for her unborn child, she knew that she just had to hold on a wait for someone to find her, but being alone in an unstable rig was not helping at all. As Addison felt another contraction hit, she tried to move her body in the attempts of relieving some of the pain, but even the slightest of movements caused an even greater surge of pain that consumed her whole body. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she let the darkness consume her.

"_I've always wanted to be a mother, I've always wanted to have a child, I've always wanted to have a family. I know that I wasn't ready before, that I put things off for too long but deep down I always knew that someday I was going to hold a little baby in my arms. Derek is a good man, a kind man and one that will love you unconditionally no matter what and Jake he'll protect you from anything and everything that the world throws at you and will always be on your side. I know that you probably don't understand what I'm saying to you right now, but I want you to know that you are loved. There are so many people in your life that will be here for you and will take care of you. From the moment that I found out that I was pregnant, my whole word changed for the better and everyday you make me want to be a better person. I've waited my whole life to meet you and soon I will and when I do I'll never leave you, I'll never abandon you and I'll never hurt you like I've been hurt before. I'm so sorry that I did this to you and I hope that you can please just be ok, that you can stay safe for Mommy because we're going to get out of this, we're going to go home and we're going to be a family, just you me and your dad Jake."_

* * *

Owen walked over to the head Chief Fire marshall and discussed what was going to happen. After a few moments and a lot of serious discussions, Owen returned over to Callie and informed her of the situation.

"Torres, I've just spoken to the Chief Fire Marshall and he says that it's pretty much cleared with the injuries so we should probably head back to the hospital. The trauma's probably backing up the E.R. resources and I don't know if Kepner can handle it all."

"Yeah, from what I've seen there are at least 7 ortho surgeries lined up for me when I get back. This is going to be a long night," Callie said as she began to pack up her kit. "Have the other doctors gone back yet?"

"From what I can tell, everyone left about half an hour ago with separate trauma's the only exception is Shepherd leaving almost 3 hours ago but no one knows where he went."

"Maybe it was all just a little too overwhelming and he went home?" Callie said as she tried to rationalize the surgeon's actions.

"Shepherd's seen worse than this, I doubt that he would just up and leave like that. It was highly unprofessional and very out of character for him." Owen said in a concerned manner.

"Shepherd hasn't been the same lately Owen. He has a lot on his mind with Meredith and the baby being sick and maybe it was just a little too early for him to come back and see all of this. Just give him space Owen."

The two of them continued to pack away their things when a young fire fighter ran up to them.

"Doctor's we have another victim, a pregnant woman looks about late 30s early 40s with a leg injury and she seems to be in labor. We're not going to be able to move her for some time." Dave said as he pointed in Addison's direction.

"Torres go and triage the woman, if she's in labor and you can't get her out I'm going to have to bring an OB here to monitor her and the contractions." Owen said as he grabbed his cell phone and called Grey-Sloan Memorial.

* * *

**Meanwhile at the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital**

Nancy Shepherd walked through the hallways of Grey-Sloan Memorial taking in the familiarity of the setting as she made her way to her office. This place was going to be her home now and the thought of leaving New York and everything in it behind saddened Nancy but the prospect of starting fresh and escaping the past excited Nancy and for that she was grateful to be in Seattle. As she was crossing the nurses' station she noticed Jake finishing up a chart.

"Hey there stranger!" Nancy said as she surprised the surgeon.

"Hey there yourself!" Jake said as he embraced the brown haired woman. "I thought you were going to be in New York for another week?"

"Yeah well things moved along quicker than we both expected and now I'm here again." Nancy replied as the two of them walked towards her office.

"Well it's good to have you back, I know that Addison's missed her best friend greatly over the past week."

"Aww, how is my Addie? Not working too hard I hope." Nancy said they continued down the corridor.

"She's Addison so of course she's working too hard. I keep telling her to slow down for the baby but she's always in an O.R. or doing rounds. I'm so glad that she's going on maternity leave next week otherwise I don't know that I'd do."

"That's my Addie!" Nancy remarked at Jake's comment. "What time do you finish tonight? I want to see Addie because I've missed her so much."

"I finish in an hour, but I'm pretty much done now." Jake added. "Addison went home a few hours ago because she knew that I had to stay back, so I told her to take the car."

"I can give you a lift home if you'd like, I have a present for the baby." Nancy said as she pulled out a power blue onesie for the baby. "I saw it in New York and couldn't help myself."

"Thank you Nancy it's adorable."

Just as the two surgeons were about to depart ways Jo Wilson bumped into them startling Nancy and annoying Jake.

"Dr. Wilson please be mindful of where you're going."

"Sorry Dr. Reilly, Dr. Shepherd, I was in a hurry because I have to run these blood packs down to the E.R. it's a complete mess down there after the accident."

"What accident Dr. Wilson?" Nancy said as she looked at the intern curiously.

"There was a massive pile up on the highway with mass casualties and the majority of the trauma's got transferred here because of Seattle Presb. is having E.R. construction work done. I'm sure Dr. Kepner could really use both of you down there."

The two doctors looked at each other and tried to process what the young intern had said to them, they both obliged and followed her down to the E.R.

When they got there, Nancy and Jake gasped in shock when they observed the state of the E.R. everywhere they looked there was people in pain. From superficial lacerations to amputations it was all there for everyone to see. Doctors were running from patient to patient trying to work through the crowd but despite their best attempts the workload seemed endless. They were about to jump in and help treat patients when a soft high pitched voice summoned them to the administration desk.

"Dr. Reilly, Dr. Shepherd!" The voice said from behind the desk. "Doctors could you please come here!"

"What seems to be the problem April?" Jake said as he looked at her in a concerned manner. "You seem to have your hands full, where can we help?"

"I need one of you to go out into the field. I've just received a call from dispatch saying that there is a pregnant woman in labor out there who can't be transferred because she's too unstable. We're going to send through a neonatal kit because the baby is a premie." April said as she hung up the phone and addressed the doctors.

"I'll go!" Jake said as he grabbed the transcript.

"No, we'll both go!" Nancy said snatching the chart from Jake. "She's in a critical condition but also in premature labor you're going to need one person monitoring her and another on the baby. Don't fight it Jake I'm going."

"But they need at least one of us here Nancy." Jake said trying to reason with the woman.

"Dr. Reilly we didn't expect Dr. Shepherd to be back so we have Dr. Atcherson in from Johns-Hopkins covering the neonatal triage which was actually quite minimal in proportion to the other traumas admitted." April remarked. "Dr. Shepherd does make a valid point."

Nancy and Jake both grabbed their jumpers and kits whilst running into the ambulance bay. They packed the two ambulances with supplies and entered separate ones as they prepared themselves for what was going to come.

* * *

Callie and Owen both ran towards the crashed bus with their kits in their hands. The two of them stared at the wreckage in front of them and walked over to the firefighter in charge. The sounds of saws and screams filled the air as rescue teams rushed in and out of the rig.

"Oh my god and there's a pregnant woman trapped in there?" Callie said as she gasped at the scene.

"Sir, Ma'am, pay attention. Now the bus is highly unstable and could go at any minute." The man alerted.

"Where's the woman?" Owen asked as his eyes were glued to the bus.

"She's very close to the chairs at the back of the bus, she has a leg injury and is trapped under one of the seat, oh and she's in labor!"

"This just keeps getting better and better." Callie remarked in a sarcastic tone.

"My men are trying to remove the seat so that we can carry her out… apparently there's a metal bar from the seat that's stuck in her left leg."

"I need to get in there to check on her and the leg." Callie told the firefighter and Owen.

"Not now, my men are almost done getting her out, once she's out you can go and treat her."

10 minutes passed as Owen and Callie patiently waited outside the crashed vehicle for the emergency personnel to remove the injured woman. They were prepping their triage area under one of the tents when a flash of red hair caught Callie's eye. She gasped in horror when she realized who was trapped in the bus.

"Addison! Addison!" Callie screamed as she ran over to her friend. She stared at the woman in front of her and her heart stopped for a minute. The woman was Addison Montgomery a fearless surgeon that stuck fear into her enemy's eyes and one of the closest friends that Callie had, now lying on a gurney so weak and so pale with blood staining her skin and tearing up in pain. "Addison honey, I'm going to check on you now ok? You're going to be ok. Owen I need the Sonicaid to hear the fetal heart beat and something to do an hemostasis on her leg!"

"T…t..the baby first Callie," Addison said in a feeble voice. "...Callie, I'm in labor and my contractions are 2 minutes apart." Addison then closed her eyes and supressed a scream as another contraction violently hit her body.

"Addison, I'm going to do everything I can to help you and the baby, but I need you to just wait for a minute so that I can see your leg."

"Do you have any guesses about the depth of the laceration?" Owen asked as he cleaned the leg area.

"It's an impalement, Owen, I can't exclude a laceration of the nerves and vessels right now."

"Do you think that there's a possible femur fracture? He responded.

"No, I don't but I would need an X-ray to be sure. What's the ETA on the ambulance?" Callie asked as she feared for Addison's condition.

"She's not going to make it to the hospital with her contractions this close together. I've already put the call into Grey-Sloan Memorial to page any OB on call and have them ride out here with a neonatal kit."

"Callie we can't remove the bar here, it's too risky and we don't know the extent of the damage." Owen said as he tried to dress around the wound. "How's her BP and FHR?"

"Her vitals are stable for now but she really needs to get to that hospital right away. The longer we leave her here the more that she begins to deteriorate."

"The baby, tell me that he's fine. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me that the baby is fine." Addison pleaded crying in pain as she feared for the life of her unborn child.

Owen put the probe of the transducer against her abdomen and the three of them listened carefully as the sound of her child's heartbeat quietly filled the air. "He's fine Addison, the heart beat is strong. Will you let us tend to your leg now?"

Addison sighed in relief and willingly obliged at Owen's request as her heart rate slowed and her fear subsided.

* * *

The two ambulances roared through the streets of Seattle with their sirens blarring and lights flashing. Jake and Nancy although they weren't together both sat in their separate ambulances anxiously waiting to arrive at the scene. It had been years since either one of them had gone out into the field but both knew from past experience that whatever was out there wasn't going to be pretty and that they should always brace themselves for the worst. The ambulances screeched to a stop as they arrived at the scene, Nancy was the first out carrying her kit whilst Jake quickly followed behind after setting up the incubator ready for transport. As the doors burst open from the ambulance paramedics eagerly rushed to the new doctors.

"41 year old, pregnant woman nullipara at 36 weeks and 2 days, premature rupture of the membranes from a couple of hours, FHB present and regular, she's in active labor and she has an extent laceration caused from a metal bar penetrating her thigh. She had been in that rig over there for over 4 hours before anyone found her and she's already lost a lot of blood." The paramedic informed Nancy and Jake as they pushed the gurney along the ground.

"Ok, do you know if she's stable or if she's allergic to any drugs?" Jake asked before he approached the scene.

"No, we have nothing on her. Sir she's not in good shape, any longer and she may not pull through." The paramedic said somberly.

Jake and Nancy gasped at the scene before them and carnage that surrounded it. Being here and witnessing all of this brought back memories but also terrified the two of them as to what horror was lurking around the corner. They followed the paramedic and soon spotted Owen and a tearful Callie tending to the patient. The two obstetricians joined their fellow doctors, but before they could even ask about what happened the color drained from both of their faces as they recognized the familiar face in front of them. Nancy was the first to break the silence when she instantly went into a state of panic.

"Oh my god!" was all that Nancy could say to the doctors. "Wha…What happened?"

Jake stood there with a terrified expression as he gazed at his wife in such a fragile position. He had never seen Addison so weak and so petrified in her life. Everything was moving too fast and Jake couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain,

"We don't know what happened," Owen answered. "They were about to leave the scene when they did a final check and found her screaming trapped in the bus."

"I have to examine her." Nancy said as she tried to rationalize the situation.

"Nancy, you can't do that. Her leg injury is too severe." Callie replied. "Any unnecessary sudden movements can cause even more trauma to the area and I don't know how much more she can take."

Jake moved closer to his wife not breaking eye contact with her as if maybe it would help relieve some of her pain. He just wanted to take her away from all of this and keep her safe. She was meant to be going home and they were going to read to the baby. How could something like this happen? Jake thought that they had moved away from all of the drama, this was meant to be their fresh start. So why was it that his perfect little family was falling apart right in front of him? He stood right in front of her and gently ran his hand through her hair and held her hand as he kissed her forehead.

"T..th..the….the baby, Jake," Addison said though sobs and gasps of pain. All Addison wanted to do was hold Jake and pretend that none of this was happening but the harsh reality of the situation surged through her body as each contraction hit.

"Shhhh," Jake whispered as he tried to comfort his distressed wife. "It's going to be ok sweetheart just try and take deep breaths and breathe through the pain, you and Chicco are going to be fine I promise."

Owen noticed a small pool of blood forming on the blanket covering the gurney. "Where is all of this blood coming from? Is it the leg? Callie, is it the leg?"

"I need to see her now! I have to check the level of the head in the birth canal at least!" Nancy yelled as she tried to burst through Callie and Owen. "That baby is coming very soon and if you don't let me through you're going to have more than a leg injury on your hands."

"It's from the compressed medication, it's full of blood!" Callie said noticing the bandages that were newly soaked by the blood. She opened another first aid kit and enveloped her leg again with the bandages. When the new bandages were applied Callie then gave Nancy the nod to proceed with her examination.

"Nancy? Nancy?" Jake said as he panicked when he noticed Nancy being awfully quiet.

"The head's already at the perineum." Nancy thought aloud. She hadn't expected that Addison's labor would have progressed so rapidly in such a short period of time.

"What?" Jake exclaimed.

"I….I…I don't want to have my baby here." Addison added in between two contractions.

"Honey, you will be fine…" Jake said as he desperately tried to reassure Addison. "It's ok, everything is going to be ok."

"No.. Jake it's too soon." Addison sobbed as she squeezed his hands tighter.

"How's the leg? Is she losing too much blood?" Nancy asked Callie.

"Not at the moment, but like I said she's not going to be able to take much more of this." Callie retorted.

"Ok Addie, you need to listen to me. The baby is coming right now and I'm going to need for you to push ok?"

Jake saw how terrified his wife was and climbed in behind her on the gurney hugging his wife and letting her know that he was there for her. Addison appreciated the gesture and nodded at Nancy's request as she tried to conceal the pain but tears were streaming down her face as her body was turning on her.

"Ok I'm going to count to three and you're going to push alright?" Nancy said as she prepared Addison. "Dr. Hunt can you please get the incubator and neonatal kit from the ambulance?"

Dr. Hunt willingly obliged and fetched the neonatal equipment as he and Callie set it up.

A series to screams and cries filled the air as Addison pushed vigorously through the pain and contractions. Jake despite his fears and anxiety, remained calm and whispered sweet nothings and positive reinforcement into Addison's ears. Everything was moving so fast and with each push Addison became more and more exhausted as the strain of the labor was taking its toll on Addison's already weak frame.

"OK Addie can you give me another push?" Nancy instructed as she spotted the head.

Addison used every last trace of stamina in her body to get through these final pushes. Each round caused her to become more breathless and Jake did the best that he could to comfort her but nothing was helping the pain that she was experiencing.

"Alright Addie. I know you're tired and in a lot of pain but I just need one final push and then you'll have a beautiful baby boy." Nancy said as she tried to convince Addison to try again.

One final scream and cry of pain was all it took before Christopher William Montgomery Reilly came into the world. Nancy delivered the baby and grabbed the skinny new born covered in vernix caseosa and rubbed his back. She waited a few seconds until the baby finally cried for the first time in his life. She clamped the umbilical chord and cut it.

Addison collapsed against Jake in a sigh of relief as she heard her son cry for the first time. In that exact moment just listening to that sound made all of her pain vanish as she fell into a state of euphoria as her dream to become a mother had now become a reality.

"Is he ok?" All of the doctors question Nancy.

"Yes, he's little, but a beautiful healthy and strong baby boy... We need to take him to the hospital to be checked." Nancy replied. "Is the ambulance ready?"

Owen nodded at the doctor and grabbed the kits.

"Ok, Jake, Owen you go with the baby in ambulance 2, Callie and I will go in ambulance 1 with Addison as soon as we deliver the placenta."

"No, I'm not leaving her. I want to stay with her. I'm not going anywhere without Addison!" Jake said as he climbed out from behind Addison and stroked her hair.

"Jake the ambulance is ready!" Owen yelled from behind. "Come on, man! We need to carry the baby back to the hospital." But Jake was reluctant to leave Addison again.

"Jake hold the baby whilst I deliver the placenta then." Nancy instructed to the stubborn man and Jake grabbed the wrapped baby. She successfully delivered it and then took the child out of his arms.

"Hold up Owen, I'll go with you!" Nancy said as she wrapped the newborn in another blanket to keep him warm.

Addison reached out for Nancy before she left and whispered into her ear just so that Jake couldn't listen.

"I..I told him and he left me." was all that Addison could say before the paramedic interrupted them.

"We're ready to go!" Callie called from the other ambulance. "Jake strap her in and let's get her to the hospital".

The two ambulanced departed moments after one another, the first with Nancy, Owen and the baby and the second with Addison, Jake and Callie.

Jake smiled at his wife as she lay on the gurney still wincing in pain. He was curious about what Addison had said to Nancy.

"Addie, what did you say to Nancy?" Jake questioned his weak wife.

"I'd just want to hold him in my arms, I barely saw him… Is he fine, Jake? Is my baby fine?" She said with teary eyes, afraid to not see anymore her child.

"It's a beautiful little baby boy, Addison"

"We're a family now" she said as she closed her eyes.

Jake noticed his wife's hand let go of his and her vitals drop.

"Code Blue!" Callie screamed.

* * *

**...We promise more is coming! **

**Please, take a minute to review the chapter, your reviews really help us writing the story**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 - We apologize for the delay with this chapter but due to our busy schedules, the completion of this chapter took longer than what was first envisioned. Hopefully this chapter lives up to your expectations and gives you some closure to the previous chapter. Thank you for reading and don't forget to review because we both love hearing what you all think! xx**

* * *

_Our memories are the things that shape who we are, it's how we learn from our mistakes and remember those who have changed our lives for the better. Some of us choose to stay in the past in an attempt to re-live these memories because they are fearful of the present. Some choose to move on and make new memories that replace the old and painful ones. Whilst a small few are caught in the middle conflicted about a life that is and a life that was. There are a lot of things that a person remembers but tries to forget and these are the thoughts that mostly plague our minds. A sight of something that we wish we hadn't saw, listening something we shouldn't have heard and doing something we wish we hadn't done._

* * *

Derek sat in the dark trailer occupied by only him and his own confused thoughts as his mind replayed over the events that had just occurred. Only the sounds of the Seattle woodland could be heard as he sipped his glass of whiskey. As the smooth burn of the alcohol made its way down his throat more and more memories of Addison seemed to flood Derek's mind. It seemed as though every memory that he had of her was flashing right before him from the first time he saw her to the very last moment when he walked away and left her alone and in pain in that bus. _'Do you love your children Derek?'_ Her words seemed to echo in his mind as he tried to rationalize what had just happened. People used to always ask him whether he wanted kids with her all of the time, but that was years ago when it was a simpler time and their lives were completely different. Derek thought about Addison and the first time he met her and how they had always wanted a family, he thought about how they couldn't make things work in their marriage and he thought about how they had both moved on. He was still conflicted because he had everything that he could have ever asked for, yet his mind still drifts to what if things had been different with Addison. He didn't know how to process this shocking news as all of the consequences bombarded his mind. Would he have to take care of the child? Would he be known as the father? Would he have a right in parental decisions? Would he really want to be the father of this child?

Derek then thought about the life that could have been and whether or not he could do this co-parenting thing with Addison. He was still furious at her because she lied to him when he thought that things were going back to what they were like before when they were just friends. How could she hide something like this from him? Why couldn't she just tell him? The more that Derek questioned himself, the more that he felt his blood boil as the anger from within him grew. As he held the whiskey glass in his hand he pelted it at the wall in a fit of rage and watched it as it shattered into a million pieces.

He found himself now on the floor sitting, beside the liquor cabinet, breathing heavily as he tried to calm himself. His cell phone started to ring and Derek answers.

"Meredith what's wrong?" Derek said calmly into the phone.

"Derek where are you?" Meredith asked frantically into the phone. He could hear Zola and Bailey screaming in the background for attention as he tried to listen in on his wife's voice. "Derek please come home, I'm so exhausted! It's been a hard day, Bailey didn't stop to cry even for a minutes and Zola tried to paint all the walls of the house…."

"I'll be soon." He said as he hung up the phone. Derek realized that he could no longer hide from reality and grabbed the whiskey bottle beside him and placed it into the liquor cabinet.

As he placed the bottle into the spacious compartment beside him he noticed a small leather bounded book behind all of the bottles. He reached in and pulled it out as his curiosity got the better of him. When he pulled it out from the cupboard he noticed that it wasn't a book but a diary in Addison's handwriting. Derek guessed that she must have kept it there when they were married, which after thinking about it for a minute made him quite sad. He opened the diary to a random page and a photo fell out, it was of Addison and him in college laughing as he carried her in his arms after she fell over walking to class. A small smile crept onto his face when he remembered about their college days together, but it instantly faded when he began to read the diary entry.

_June 21 2006 _

_He's not home again and I feel like the emptiness of this trailer is beginning to consume me. I've tried talking to him and seeing councilors but nothing seems to be helping this sinking marriage. I love him so much and I never meant to hurt him, I know that he doesn't believe me but I'm going to be patient and I'm going to wait for him. Everyone says that I'm better off leaving him but I know in my heart of hearts that what we have can get through this, I have to hope because that's all that I have left in this marriage after being stripped bare and torn apart by his cruel words. At first I may have defended myself even ignored it altogether but now every little submissive comment that he makes about me seems to chip away at my fragile being and I'm scared that one day he might realize how pathetic I am and leave me for that intern. Tonight I'm going to drink to the hope that maybe one day he'll love me again and never walk away from me. _

Derek was heartbroken by this confession and closed the diary, shoving it as far back into the compartment as possible. He needed to go home, this was all too much.

It finally hit him that all of time when he was absent during their marriage or when he was off with Meredith trying to forget about her, Addison was there waiting by the door for him to come home. And which each snide remark that he made at her, bit by bit destroyed her from within causing him to realize that walking away had become Addison's greatest fear.

Then it hit him straight in the face that tonight was no different, that he made her greatest fear a reality once again, except this time when Derek walked away from Addison, he left her and their unborn child there to die. Derek began to feel sick in his stomach and needed to get out of there. The guilt was building up and he needed to forget about her and what had happened just a few hours before.

* * *

Nancy and Owen both sat in silence as the ambulance made it's way to the hospital. Nancy held the newborn wrapped in a gray hospital blanket, as she cuddled it and held him tightly in her arms. Everything about the tiny human in her arms screamed out Derek as the perfect little bundle mirrored his father's looks, but no one could deny that he had inherited his mother's beaming blue eyes. Nancy gently whispered reassuring words into his ears and kissing his forehead letting him know that no matter what the circumstances were that he was loved.

Owen observed the two of them and broke the silence. "He's so little."

"Yeah, but he seems quite healthy." Nancy replied not breaking eye contact with the baby.

"Uh…Nancy… I don't know if I should be telling you this but I can't get my head around it."

"What is it Owen?" Nancy responded in a concerned tone.

"…At the scene Derek was acting really strangely."

"Derek was there? Where is he now?"

"That's the think Nancy, I don't know. He was with us and as soon as we arrived all of us were separated until I saw him an hour later. It was weird, he looked different and confused and told me that he couldn't stay there anymore. I tried to stop him because there were at least dozens of people in distress, but before I could say anything he had vanished." Owen said confused and concerned.

Nancy was trying to process what Owen was telling her but there was something that she could get her mind around. Why was it that Addison had told her that she told him and he left? At that moment everything clicked as the pieces fell into place, why Addison was so distraught, why Derek was acting weirdly, she gasped in horror when the truth revealed itself before her, Derek had found Addison and left her there to die.

She leant down close to the baby, just out of Owen's earshot and gently whispered into his ear, "Your mommy will be fine and she will never leave you like him, I promise."

* * *

Derek slowly made his way to the front door of his and Meredith's home. As he entered, what was meant to be a heartwarming and picturesque scene in Derek's head, was in reality a screaming mess. Instead of the warm greeting by Meredith with a sleeping infant in her arms was a screaming Bailey and an annoyed Meredith who shoved the infant into his arms.

"What took you so long? Today's been horrible and I've been waiting all night. I've tried to calm him down but nothing's working Derek and I can't catch a break!"

" And Zola?" Derek replied.

"She's in the lounge room watching cartoons, Derek you're going to take Bailey whilst I go and have a shower because I have vomit all over me."

Derek walked into the lounge room and sat on the couch next to Zola as he calmed Bailey. Even though Bailey was almost asleep, Derek couldn't shake this nauseating feeling within him and the horrid thoughts resurfaced again about his actions this evening. Every time that he now gazed at Bailey, he pictured Addison's baby and wondered if he was ok, if she was ok? Eventually as the thoughts engulfed his mind, Derek couldn't take it anymore and headed upstairs to Meredith.

"Derek, you're meant to be watching Zola downstairs, I need a break!" Meredith said as she got out of the shower and dried her hair.

"I just put Bailey to bed." He replied. "Look Meredith I have to go, the hospital paged me, it's an emergency."

"No Derek, you just got home. I can't do this!" Meredith screamed, but Derek ignored her pleas and left.

* * *

**Back to the ambulance**

"Addison, Addison, can you hear me? Please honey, answer me!" Jake asked his wife as he held her hand tightly whilst Callie placed her on another unit of plasma expanders.

"Her blood pressure's dropping, she's going into hypovolemic shock! Driver, what's our ETA to the hospital?" Callie yelled from the back of the ambulance.

"3 minutes!" The driver responded.

"Come on honey, please be strong for me now!" Jake whispered into Addison's ear.

"Tell Grey Sloan Memorial that we're going to need an OR and at least 3 units of Zero Rh + blood!" Callie ordered.

Addison opened her eyes and looked at her husband tiredly. "…I'm tired Jake." She said through fluttering eyelids.

"NO Addie, I need you to just hold on for a minute longer ok? We're almost there." Jake said teary eyed.

"Callie, please tell me that we're almost there." Jake pleaded.

Addison began to tear up "I…I… barely… saw him…I…I… wanted to take…him in my…arms" Jake then gently kissed her on the forehead again "You have all your life to take him in your arms, sweetheart, I promise."

"Jake…Tell him…. that his mommy never stopped loving him…and…he was…a wanted child…"

"Three minutes Addie, that's all you have to wait sweetie." Callie said to the frail woman.

"ADDISON, you're going to be ok." Jake said through sobs. "We're going to be a happy family together, all of us!"

"Ok Jake, we're here. We need to move her now!" Callie said in a stern voice.

"We're here Addie, just hold on." Jake said as he squeezed her hand.

In that instant everything was a blur as the doors of the ambulance burst open and the paramedics removed the gurney from the vehicle. The sound of banging continued as the doctors sprinted towards the entrance of the emergency room. A series of should as orders soon followed but Jake didn't listen to any of them as his focus remained solely on his wife.

"What's the situation Callie?" Richard said to the orthopaedic surgeon.

"She has a metallic bar plunged into her left thigh, I don't know the extent of the damage and I need an x-ray stat before I operate…" Callie's voice sounded exhausted as the list of Addison's injuries accumulated, she just needed a minute but she had to compose herself and stay strong for her friend. "She lost coded in the ambulance and has been in and out of consciousness for the past 15 minutes, and her blood pressure's dropped. Are the OR and units of blood I requested ready for us?"

Richard nodded at the woman "The OR is ready, but first we need to stabilize her" and continued addressing his concerns. "The baby?"

"He seemed fine, she gave birth around about 30 minutes ago, the placental delivery was spontaneous and apparently complete, but she's losing a lot of blood and we really need to move her to the OR." Callie continued.

"Callie, where's the baby?"

"He's coming with Nancy and Owen in another rig! They should be here any minute now." Callie responded.

The ER doors burst open again for the second time in a number of minutes as Nancy and Owen entered with the tiny infant.

"We're here, oh my gosh what happened?!" Nancy called out as she walked across the ER with the infant bundled up in her arms. "She seemed fine when we left!"

"She coded in the ambulance and lost consciousness. We need to take her up to the OR now!" Callie shouted as the gurney rushed past the shocked woman. "Richard, I need you in the OR… Someone page Yang and Nelson!"

"Jake, I think you should wait outside!"

"Miranda, I like you and I think you're a very talented surgeon but she is my wife and if you don't let me in there you are going to regret your decision very badly."

"It's not hospital policy and you and I know that. Addison is very special to both of us but you need you stand aside, you're too emotional right now Jake!" Miranda replied.

"Miranda, let him through. She's awake and asking for him. I can't put her under yet." Callie called from the OR.

Nancy sighed in disappointment as the gurney rushed past her. She couldn't begin to comprehend how Addison's condition had deteriorated so substantially since they left the scene and the thought that her brother was solely responsible for this made her sick to her stomach. _'What if she doesn't make it?'_, no she couldn't let thoughts like that enter her mind especially since the most important thing in Addison's world was right before her asleep in her arms.

"Dr Shepherd! Dr Shepherd!" Dr. Wilson called over to her. Nancy looked up but didn't acknowledge to young intern. Jo walked over to her and relayed the information to her.

"Dr Shepherd, the nurse from neonatology is down here to take the baby upstairs for tests…" Dr. Wilson continued, but Nancy was reluctant to give the baby up. From the moment he was born, she had been with him and she promised herself that no matter what she wouldn't leave this baby home until the moment when she knew that he was safe in his mother's arms.

"I don't need a nurse Dr. Wilson, I'm placing myself as Chris' personal physician and I'll be taking him upstairs."

"Oh… So the baby's name is Christopher?" Dr. Wilson asked.

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, of course, no Dr. Shepherd I think it's a wonderful name!" Dr. Wilson said nervously to cover her tracks and not aggravate the stressed doctor more than she had to. "I just think that he needs to have a bath and a check up, that's all. But I'm sure you can do that on your own, so I'm just going to walk away now and pretend that none of this has happened."

"That sounds like a good idea." Nancy said as the scared intern backed away.

She carried the baby upstairs to the nursery and watched closely as the neonatologist checked on him, "He's surprisingly healthy, especially given the circumstances that the mother gave birth in," the neonatologist said as she placed the stethoscope on the baby's chest and was greeted with a loud scream. "Well his lungs and heart seem to be ok… Now let's weigh you little man!" She said as she placed the alive and kicking newborn onto the scales and read the display. "5.5 pounds… 19 inches length"

"Isn't that too low?" Nancy asked worriedly.

"It's actually quite good for an almost to term baby… Now baby boy you need a nice warm bath and a little rest, you've had quite the day today. Nancy I'll just call over a nurse to bathe him for you."

"If it's alright, I'd actually prefer to bath him myself. I promised Jake and Addison that I'd take care of him…"

"That's fine, I'll come back in an hour to check on him." The neonatologist replied as she exited to room.

As she began to wash her nephew, her eyes wandered all over the newborn and observed the uncanny resemblance between the child and her brother, his lineaments were so delicate and he had such soft and straight brown hair, "I can't believe how much you and Derek look alike…". As Nancy took him out from the warm water of the baby bath tube, Christopher protested with a loud wail, she was surprised by all that strength in that apparent fragile little body. She gently wiped out his body, she combed his soft hair and dressed him with the pale blue onesie she bought in New York, "It's a little too big for you at the moment, but I'm sure in a month it will suit you perfectly!" she said as she gently rocked him

* * *

Addison was lying in the OR waiting patiently for her operation to start. Since she had arrived her condition had improved and her blood pressure and pulse were finally stable. Jake sat beside her squeezing her hand and letter her know that he was there for her when a nurse arrived and placed a small white wristband on her right hand with her baby's ID on it. She sighed and let a small tear escape from her eye watching the simple gesture.

"It's the only thing I have of him…" Addison said as she exhaled deeply.

"Just a couple of hours, Addison, and then you can be with him for as long as you want." Jake said as he kissed her hand.

"…It's all my fault Jake, I put his life in danger because I was being selfish. I..I..I just wanted to help those people!"

"You didn't do anything wrong honey, it was just bad luck. Please stop blaming yourself."

Callie arrived in the OR, as she placed her smock and gloves on. "How are her vitals Ben?"

"Stable, BP 120/70 mmHg, FR 80 bpm!" The anaesthesiologist replied.

"Good!" Callie commented as she moved closer to Addison and bent down to her. "You didn't do anything wrong Addie. I'm here now and I going to make sure that you're good as new ok?"

Addison nodded at the surgeon and moved her eye contact back to her husband. "Your car is destroyed…. I'm sorry."

Jake smiled at the comment as she was focused on the car given the irony of the situation. All he cared about was that she was safe and in his arms. "I don't care about the car, I care about you and Christopher. Anyway now you've given me an excuse to buy and newer, fancier one!"

"All of Chicco's things are at home." Addison said worriedly.

"I promise you Addie that I'll get them in good time. You just need to concentrate on you now."

"Jake…"

"Yes, honey?"

"I love you so much and you're going to be the perfect father and I need you to let Christopher know everyday that his Mommy loves him more than the world itself."

"Addie, please don't be like that."

"Jake please promise me.."

"Ok, I promise Addie, I love you." He said as he profusely kissed her on the lips.

"I love yo….." Addison said as the propofol took control.

* * *

Derek Shepherd composed himself and walked through the doors of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital and braced himself for what was going to happen. He walked across the lobby, through the wards and down into the ER. As he looked around in the hopes of spotting his ex-wife he couldn't help but overhear two nurses gossiping at the nurses station.

"Is she ok?" The blonde nurse said. "I heard that they just bought her in half an hour ago."

"Yeah can you believe it apparently she was trapped in the bus for at least a few hours before anyone found her with that leg impalement. Then to top it off her water broke and she gave birth at the scene!" The brunette nurse replied.

"What's the damage to the leg?" The blonde nurse asked again.

"From what I saw, it didn't look pleasant. I'd be more worried about her health, you know that she coded on the way here and she's in and out of consciousness, she could barely speak!" The brunette continued. "What I want to know is how could they go so long without realizing that she was there."

"She must have been so scared and in so much pain from the labor."

"How's the baby? Did they take it up to neonatal?" The brunette nurse asked.

"It's a beautiful baby boy, a little small but still gorgeous. I think I heard someone call him Christopher." The blonde added. "That kid's already been through so much and it's not even a day old. I just hope Dr. Montgomery is ok."

Derek couldn't take it anymore the guilt and sickness was rising as he realized the true extent of his actions. So many things have turned for the worse and it was all his fault. He couldn't bare to face Addison let alone or how Jake was going to react to the news. But yet the desire to see his son was burning from within him and he had to see it for himself. All of the anger that he had ever placed towards Addison instantly dissolved as an overwhelming felling of remorse consumed him. What could he have possibly been thinking to cause him to just walk away and leave Addison there to suffer? After everything that the two of them had shared together, Addison still held a special place in Derek's heart, it wasn't what it once was before but still she would always own a piece of him and that simply made the guilt rise. To simple remember walking away from her made him sick to his stomach as he thought about all of the things that he could have prevented had he simply stayed. If anything were to happen to that child, Derek would never be able to live with himself let alone face Addison ever again.

It took all of the strength left in his body for Derek Shepherd to walk towards the OR and see Addison. He tried to compose himself but the adrenaline was surging through his veins as his heart raced in anticipation.

"Shepherd!" an austere voice called out to him causing him to stop dead in his tracks. "You finally decided to show up!"

"Owen…I…I" Derek tried to justify his actions but was too stunned to comment.

"What the hell were you thinking? You can't just leave a scene like that Derek you have an obligation!" Owen said.

"I…I need to know about Addison. I need to know that she and the baby are ok, please Owen." Derek pleased to the surgeon.

"No, you don't get that information, not when you decided to up and leave. Maybe if you had stayed you could have found her in the number of hours she was trapped alone in that bus, or even help us get her out."

"Owen…" Derek pleaded once again.

"Not here, in my office!"

Derek obliged to Owen's orders as the two of them walked in an unusual silence towards his office upstairs. Owen opened the door and handed Derek a piece of paper from his desk.

"What the hell is this?" Derek questioned as he read the piece of paper.

"It's an admonition, Shepherd, for negligence and failure of duty of care, this is the last straw!" Owen informed the confused man.

"Ok, but I have to go back and see Addison." Derek demanded once again.

"No Shepherd, we already have enough doctors in there, go and find something else maybe you can go down to the ER and help clear out the backlog of patients." Owen ordered.

Derek knew that he wasn't going to get anywhere near Addison, especially after Owen's talk and he knew that even if Owen wasn't there that he would have to deal with half of Grey Sloan Memorial barricading Addison from him. Everything was getting to be too much for him and he just needed some piece of mind, so he took a leap of faith and prayed that no one would be at the NICU so that he could see the baby.

As he arrived to the Maternal/infant department, Derek summed up all the courage that he could to force himself to make it to the neonatal ward. After the confrontation with Owen in front of Addison's OR, Derek was terrified to be seen around the halls of Grey Sloan Memorial just incase someone else would go off at him. He needed to see it for himself, he needed to know that his child was ok after everything that had happened. With each step, Derek's anxiety grew but so too did his curiosity as to what his son would look like, would he be the spitting image of his mother or had he inherited some of Derek's features, only time would tell before Derek knew for himself. Finally Derek found himself standing in front of the nursery searching for the child that he had left behind in amongst the sea of newborns. And right before him was his son, Christopher William Shepherd, the exact mirror image of his father he thought. Derek was just about to enter the nursery to hold his son when a voice from behind startled him.

"Get out!"

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**We promise to update soon... please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 - Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing Second Chances, it is our pleasure to be able to write something that sparks so much emotion and passion from our readers and we are so grateful to you all for being our audience. This chapter is the latest instalment and we hope that it gives you so more closure to the piece but also sparks something more intense and emotionally strenuous. Anyway here's chapter 13 of Second Chances don't forget to read and review!**

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_When a child is born your whole world changes, everything that you once knew is thrown away as this tiny human comes into your life. There's this newfound responsibility and obligation that comes with being a parent and for a lot of people it's hard and no one's perfect. Some seek guidance to become the perfect parent in parenting manuals and others through relatives and friends but the truth is that there is no such thing as a magical guide. The best parents are the one's that learn through experience, the ones that take the time out to notice the little things and the ones that are never left behind. No one can really tell whether or not they'll be good parents and only time itself can tell but until then we hope and we take things slow just day by day and we cherish each and every moment of it._

* * *

Derek was just about to enter the nursery to grab a closer look and hold his son for the first time, when a voice from behind startled him.

"Get out!" The stern voice called out.

"Nancy, I uhh I didn't see t.." But before he could say anything further he felt her cold hand collide with his cheek in a swift motion.

"You son of a bitch!" Nancy shouted after slapping him.

"Hey calm down!" Derek warned.

"No I won't calm down, I know you're my little brother and I'll always love you but Derek Shepherd right now I hate you more than anything in this world. I…I can't even look at you." The woman voiced to the shocked gentleman.

"Nancy…" Derek said in an attempt to reason with her but his attempt seemed unsuccessful.

"Do you have any idea of the mess you've made?" Nancy asked angrily.

"What?!" Derek said confusedly.

"Why did you just leave like that? What in God's rather was more important in that moment that just caused you to up and leave?" Nancy questioned again.

"I…I…" he stuttered.

"You left your wife and child there to die! What were you thinking?" Nancy screamed.

"…She's not my wife…" Derek said in a quiet voice as he averted his eye contact to the ground.

"Just cut the bullshit Derek! Why did you leave Addison there lying in pain on the brink on death?" Nancy shouted.

"I just don't know what I was thinking Nancy, she told me about the baby and I was… shocked! I didn't know how to deal with it I….." Derek said in self defense.

"Stop babbling Derek!" Nancy shouted again.

"Please Nance, I need to see them… I need to know that they're fine! God after what I did, I just feel so guilty and so sick to my stomach." Derek admitted.

"Don't try to apologize, you gave up the right to know anything about Addison and that child from the moment you turned your back on them!" Nancy commented.

"I'm not proud of what I did… Please let me at least see him. He's my child." Derek said as the tears began to fall from his eyes.

"I'm not letting you anywhere near him Derek!" Nancy said sternly as she blocked the door.

He tried to force his way into the nursery past Nancy but once again his efforts were unsuccessful as Nancy held her ground. "Back away from the nursery Derek or so help me god I will call security on you."

"You're my sister, you can't do that, you…you should be on my side. You're my family not hers." He demanded.

"Really Derek because she was there when you weren't, she was more of a family member than you ever were Derek. How do I get it through to your knuckle head and tell you that a woman is fighting for her life in surgery all because of you? Believe it or not but right now I'm protecting you because as soon as Addison gets out of surgery and Jake finds out about this, about what happened at the scene…. Let's just say that I'd watch out if I were you Derek."

Derek slid down against the wall and buried his face in his hands as he began to sob. "I didn't want to hurt them Nancy, I just needed time to process… I wasn't thinking and I screwed up everything again. I walked away and this time it could have cost her, her life!"

It took a lot but Nancy was finally seeing how remorseful Derek truly was and slid down beside him against the wall. She was still angry with thin and she was pissed off as hell, but in all of Nancy's life she had never seen her little brother so broken and defeated.

"Derek, what's done is done." Nancy said apologetically. "We can only hope that Addie pulls through this if not for your sake but for Christopher's. Go home Derek, it's been a long day for all of us." Nancy said as Derek began to walk away. She made sure that he had left the hallway completely before returning back into the nursery and checking on the baby again.

* * *

After an enduring three hours of surgery, performed by a team assembled with four of Grey-Sloan Memorial's finest surgeons, Addison Montgomery was finally out of surgery. As she was wheeled back into recovery, her husband who had never left her side since they got to the hospital, waited patiently by her side for the anesthesia to wear off. Jake was tired and exhausted as the multitude of emotions that he had experienced today were starting to take their toll on his consciousness. Still he was determined more than ever to be patient and pray that his wife was going to be ok. It wasn't meant to be like this, they had a birth plan and they were going to be happy. Never in a million years did Jake ever envision his wife being involved in a car accident and giving birth at the scene. Jake was concerned about both Addison and the baby but he knew that Nancy had taken on the responsibility of tending to the child if anything were to happen so that he could stay with Addison and monitor her condition.

Addison's eyelids flickered open as the last traces of the anesthesia were wearing off. Her first impulse as she awoke was to reach down to leg and check if it was still there. As her fingertips touched the sterile dressing of the bandage, her heart rate began to speed up as the fear built up inside of her. Callie noticed Addison's state of panic and moved in closer to the distressed woman in an attempt to comfort her. She gently lifted up the shed and with a genuine smile reassured the woman. "It's still there Addison, the surgery was a success and your leg should heal just perfectly. There wasn't any major damage to bones, vessels or nerves which in your case is pretty lucky, the only difficult part was trying to get that bar out."

"Th….Thanks Callie," she replied in a dried up voice.

"When do you think that she'll be able to walk again?" Jake asked in an apprehensive tone.

"Just for these first few days, I would recommend bed rest, but I'm positive that she should be up and walking in no time." Callie said as she finished writing some notes on Addison's chart.

"I feel nauseous Jake… Everything's spinning." Addison said as she closed her eyes and placed a hand on her forehead.

"It's normal sweetheart, it's just a side effect from the drugs, it will all go away in a couple of hours."

Addison opened her eyes again and surveyed her surroundings. "Where am I?" She said in a anxious voice.

"Honey, you're at Grey-Sloan Memorial remember the ambulance took us here?" Jake said in a comforting voice.

"Yeah, sorry I guess everything's still a little bit hazy." Addison said as she tried to give Jake a reassuring smile.

Jake smiled back at his wife as he leant in a placed a tender kiss on his wife's lips. "How's Chicco?" she asked.

"He's doing well Addie, Nancy's staying with him up on the Neonatal ward."

"I want to see my baby." Addison said in a quiet voice.

"I know that you want to see him badly sweetheart, but you're exhausted and you need to rest a little. You just came out of major surgery and you need to make sure that you have all of your strength for when you finally get to meet Chicco. I promise that I will bring him straight to you as soon as you're moved into your room and rest, ok?"

She nodded at her husband's words and stared down at her hands. The idea of still not being able to hold her baby in her arms was killing her, but everything in her entire body ached in pain and the convenience of sleep was all to close for her to fight it off any longer.

Addison closed her eyes and left the realm of consciousness as her body began to drift into the grasps of a deep slumber. When she opened her eyes she noticed that the beige hospital walls were gone and surrounding her was the crushed interior of the bus. Before she could react to the strange change of surroundings her body began to betray her violently as the pain spread through every inch of her, she was in labor. The contractions were becoming more and more frequent as the strain on Addison's body was all too much. Just when she thought about giving up, Derek appeared beside her and held her hand. She smiled at the kindness of his gesture and felt a small sense of relief overcome her.

"Derek, the baby is coming!" She said through a contraction as her body shook in pain.

"I know Addison, it's going to be ok," Derek said in a monotone.

"You have to call an ambulance Derek, he's coming NOW!" Addison screamed through a distraught sob.

"No Addison, you're delivering the baby here." Derek replied void of any emotion.

"No Derek, I AM GOING TO A HOSPITAL!" Addison yelled angrily.

"Addison, if you were in my shoes, what would you tell the patient?" Derek questioned.

"Ok, Derek I hope you know what you're doing!" Addison replied.

"Please, I'm a doctor. It's a beautiful day to save lives." He said smugly. "Addison, you're going to have to push ok?"

Addison nodded at Derek's request and began to push as her screamed echoed off of the walls of the bus. Her body was not her own as the pain violently attacked her from within, but still she held on for her child. Just as her own screams subsided and the final push was made, Addison heard the sound of a different type of scream that was all too familiar to her, it was the scream of a newborn baby. The relief rushed over her body as she realized that it was all over, that her beautiful baby boy was welcomed into the world and that she had finally become a mother.

"Is he healthy Derek?" She asked her ex-husband anxiously.

Derek didn't reply as he wrapped the child up in a blanket and stood up beside her, ignoring Addison's question.

"Derek? Did you hear me? Is the baby ok?" Addison asked again.

Derek began to gather his things and began to walk away with the baby.

"Derek! Derek! Where are you taking my baby?" Addison screamed from the ground.

"Did you really think that you were going to be a good mother Addison? Look at where you are, you risked the life of your child because of your own selfishness to be the hero. You say that you've changed and that you're a better person, but who are you kidding you'll always be the adulterous bitch in this situation and I'll be damned if this kid has you for a mother. I'll fight for full custody and Meredith will be his real mother, you'll never see this child again Addison." Derek said before he turned his back on the distressed woman.

"DEREK! COME BACK HERE! GIVE ME BACK MY BABY YOU SON OF A BITCH! HE'S MINE, BRING MY BABY BACK!" Addison screamed as she tried to get up from the ground. As she went to stand up the pain pulsated from her leg as she discovered the metallic bar that was protruding from her thigh. She gasped in shock and horror when she realized that she was trapped in the unstable rig, where Derek left her to die. "DEREK! GIVE ME MY BABY DEREK!" Those seemed to be the only words that were said through the tears and bloodcurdling screams that emerged from the vehicle as Addison tried to free herself.

"DEREK! DEREK! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE! GIVE ME BACK MY BABY DEREK!" Addison screamed as the tears rolled down her face.

"Whoa, Addison calm down." Jake said to the terrified woman. "Where's Derek going and where is he taking our baby?"

"I want to see my baby Jake, I have to know if he's ok. Please Jake, please, please. I haven't even held him in my arms yet and he needs to know that I'm here and that I'm a good mother, please Jake please!" Addison pleaded through sobs.

"Addie, you just had a terrible nightmare. Derek isn't even here and Nancy is watching the baby like a hawk making sure that not even an intern can lay a hand on him." Jake said to his wife. "You've been through a terrible ordeal and you need to calm down sweetheart. You're safe now and as long as I'm here no one and I mean no one, not even Derek can hurt you."

Jake didn't quite fully understand Derek's relevance in Addison's nightmare but simply dismissed it when he realized that his wife was more important right now and he would do everything in his power to make sure that she was going to be ok, it was the least that he could do. A sense of guilt plagued him as he looked into his wife's terrified eyes, he wished that it was him instead of her, he wished that he could take away her pain, but for now he was going to stay with her and let her know that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Jake…" Addison said quietly.

"Yes honey," he replied.

"How does he look?" She said nervously.

"Oh, he's perfect just like his Mommy!" He said caressing her head. Jake knew that Addison was on edge after her nightmare and decided to do the one thing that he knew she needed. He slowly, but carefully climbed into bed beside her and began to stroke her hair.

"I barely saw him… I'm afraid that he won't recognize me…. I'm such a bad mother…" she said tearing up again. "I don't even know how much he weighs or how tall he is or anything. A good parent knows these things."

"Addison, they're only little things and he won't even remember but if it concerns you that badly, he's 5.5 pounds with 10 fingers and 10 toes, a head of soft brown hair and the bluest eyes that you'd ever see."

Addison admired the bracelet on her wrist slowly reading the writing. "Christopher William Montgomery Reilly…" she said proudly. "He must be so scared, I mean he's all alone up there whilst I'm just lying around down here!"

"The nursery is always full of doctors and nurses and like I said before Nancy is watching him 24/7, Chicco is not alone nor will he ever be." Jake said yawning into his wife's hair. "It's been a long day for everyone even Chicco, just close your eyes and rest so that when you wake up you'll get to meet you're beautiful baby boy."

* * *

For Owen Hunt, today felt like the day that never ended. Today was meant to be simple, textbook but it appeared that simple just wasn't in the cards for him as the car pileup and news of Addison's injuries sent his world into chaos. It was strange though, out of everything negative and bad that had come out of today, it seemed as though Owen had found a friend within Nancy, a fellow co-worker, which before today he had never really made an effort to talk to. Grey-Sloan Memorial was known for it's strict in-circle cliques of the social and professional hierarchy but there was something about Nancy and her New York personality that intrigued Owen and struck him as being refreshing. Nancy saw things from a professional point of view but always went beyond the medicine to give the most beneficial patient care that she could. Such traits reflected that of Owen's own and maybe that's what drew him to check on her.

He passed the nurses station and made his way to the nursery with two cups of coffee in either hand searching for the female doctor. As he opened the door, he saw her there, gentle rocking back and forth with little baby Christopher in her arms softly whispering sweet nothings into his ears.

"Dr. Shepherd, I though you might like a coffee after the day we've all had today." Owen said as he took a seat next to the doctor.

"Thank you Dr. Hunt you really didn't have to." Nancy replied shocked at the Chief's generosity.

"No, please it's my pleasure after seeing how calm and composed you were out there in the field I wanted to recognize you efforts with a token of my appreciation." Owen replied to the confused woman.

"Well again, thank you Dr. Hunt." Nancy replied again.

"Oh… you can call me Owen, we're equals there's no need to address me so professionally." Owen said.

"I will Owen." Nancy said as she smiled at the trauma surgeon.

"He's gorgeous." Owen said commenting on the child.

"He's going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up, just like his mother." Nancy said. "Plus the hair, he's gorgeous, just perfect."

"You look so natural with him." Owen noted.

"Well, I'd hope so. I've done it three times before." Nancy laughed "Two girls and a boy, if you were wondering."

"Well I'm sure that they've all turned out fine. What are their names?" Owen asked.

"Let's see there's my oldest Annie, she's the genius who's currently studying at Harvard Law. Then there's Michelle, the free spirit who's travelling around Europe as a freelance journalist and finally there's my baby Noah who's still in high school but wanted to stay in New York with his father." Nancy replied

"Can I ask you a question and please stop me if it's too inappropriate or personal but why are you so protective of Addison's son after everything that's happened between her and Derek?" Owen asked hesitantly.

"I know how it looks right, the ex-aunt of this child is acting like it's her own, but you see blood has nothing to do with it. I know Addison better than I know some of my sisters and I know that she's wanted a child for so long and has sacrificed so much to help others instead of helping herself when she needed it. Christopher here is her dream, her light at the end of the tunnel, he's her second chance at true happiness. The love that she has for this child is something that keeps Addison from giving up when the world's against her, makes her have a purpose when she feels worthless but also keeps her hopeful that even the most screwed up people can catch a break sometimes. For the over two decades Addison has been a part of my family in one way or another just as much as Derek even sometimes more than he has. Addison was there to deliver my children and she took care of them when I needed help without hesitation, wherever and whenever, and something like that doesn't just simply go away with a divorce. Owen, sometimes you just do things that you don't question for the people you love." Nancy replied wholeheartedly.

"She's your person isn't she?" Owen commented.

"She's my person." Nancy said as she smiled.

* * *

**Next morning**

When the small bundle was finally placed in her arms, she felt as all the pain that she had endured over the past 12 hours ceased to exist. Her eyes wondered all over the infant's body as she gazed into his deep blue eyes and her finger traced all of his delicate features. Everything about her son, in her eyes was perfect and to simply hold him for the first time sent her into a state of euphoria. Addison was on edge until the child tightly squeezed her finger in the palm of his tiny hand and that simply gesture caused the tears to stream from her eyes. "I…I've waited for this moment my whole life and I never thought that I could ever be this happy ever again, but here you are finally in my arms. H…Hi baby Christopher, do you know who I am? I'm…. I'm your Mommy and I love you so much!" Addison said as she placed a soft kiss on her son's forehead.

The baby emitted a giggle and opened his little mouth forming a O in the attempt to sip something and then started to wail aloud, "I think our baby Chris is a little hungry" Jake commented.

Nancy offered Addison a warm bottle to feed Christopher, "I preferred breastfeeding him" she sighed remorseful, "You will breastfeed him, Addie, it's just a precaution!" At first the baby started sipping the bottle vigorously but after a few moments he appeared distressed. Addison soon noticed the changes in her baby, and her face turned from happy to serious and concerned, "Something's not right! There's something wrong with him Jake!" she exclaimed not losing clarity of though. Jake and Nancy exchanged looks with each other, "He was fine, the pediatrician checked him, she would have told me if there was something wrong with him!" Nancy said afraid there could be something wrong with her nephew.

"He is breathing too fast and he is sweating!" and without adding any other words she grabbed Nancy's stethoscope and placed it on Chris' chest, she patiently heard her baby's heart beat ignoring his screams, "There's an heart murmur!"

"Is it loud?" Nancy asked in apprehension

"It's feeble…" she replied trying to hide the tears from her eyes.

"Ok, enough!" Jake said picking the baby from her arms and trying to console him, "Nancy, page Cristina and tell her we need to run some test on Chris!"

"Jake, give me my baby!" Addison protested.

"Honey, you need to relax, this is not good neither for you nor for Chris, I'm gonna take him to neonatal for a check up", she nodded even if reluctantly. She and her baby were separating again for the second time and the idea to be far away from him made her feel so afraid and insecure.

* * *

Cristina exited Addison's room with Christopher's chart in her hand muttering to herself as she scribbled down some notes on the pages within.

"Stupid, incapable intern has forgotten the basics of pediatric care and has not detected the presence of a heart murmur." Cristina angrily said to herself. "Oh hey Shepherd, what are you doing around here acting all mopey for?"

"I'm not acting mopey and for you information I just heard about what happened to Addison. Is she ok?" Derek asked the cardiothoracic attending.

"Eh, well you're certainly no McDreamy today, I think you're more of a McDroopey to be honest... She's fine, Dr. Montgomery is quite resilient given what's happened but I can't really say the same for the kid." Cristina said uninterestedly.

"What do you mean? there's a problem with the kid?" Derek asked curiously although it came across more anxious than curious.

"You know what are they teaching these interns in medical school now? It turns out that the kid has a heart murmur and the freakin' mother has to pick it up before the supervising physician does, now what does that say about our patient care? It's quite pathetic and it pisses me off when I have to pick up the slack for brainless morons." Cristina said cross.

"What's your course of action?" Derek questioned.

"Probably just the standard set of tests, an EKG, an echocardiogram and an X-ray chest, the kid might even needs surgery but only time will tell. You know this wouldn't have happened if they…." Dr. Yang continued as she wrote down some more notes until she looked up and noticed that Derek had vanished. "Strange, strange McDroopey." Cristina took this as her cue to leave and walked away to schedule the procedure.

Derek needed to get some air after hearing what Cristina had said to him. He wondered to himself if maybe all of this could have been prevented if he had just stayed, that maybe Christopher would be happy and healthy just like all of the other newborns. It seemed as though the wall was now the only support that Derek had, holding up his tired frame as he kept his distance from Addison's room. Just then he saw Jake walk out of the room holding Christopher in his arms as Cristina met up with him and escorted them to the neonatal ward. Derek took this as his chance to see Addison and began to approach her room until he saw that Nancy and Callie were still in there. He needed to see her but it couldn't be like this, so Derek decided to stand beside the door out of view and listen in to their conversation.

"I need to go with him, I need to be with my son!" Addison said as she tried to reason with the surgeon.

"Addie, sweet, Jake's with him now and he's going to be fine." Nancy said comforting the woman in distress.

"No I…I've barely held him in my arms please Callie." Addison said as the tears fell.

"Addison, you've just come out of surgery. It's critical that you keep it immobilized so that it can have time to heal." Callie said.

"Nancy, nance please!" Addison pleaded again. "and….Callie you know what it's like not being able to hold your child in your arms just moments after it's been born. You're both mothers and you both know what it's like to be able to hold your baby, please let me do the same."

Both Callie and Nancy looked at each other teary eyed as Addison pleaded with them. They both knew that Addison was stubborn and wouldn't go down with a fight but the sight of her so traumatized and so desperate made their hearts shatter.

"It's not like she'll be alone, I mean I can watch her?" Nancy said to the orthopedic surgeon.

"This is so against hospital protocol." Callie said as she unplugged Addison's monitors and began to help Addison out of bed. "I'm doing this because you saved my daughter's life."

Nancy fetched a wheelchair and the two women helped Addison into it slowly and carefully. Addison closed her eyes and flinched in pain as she manoeuvred into the wheelchair but the sheer thought of seeing her son and holding him again made every second bearable.

As Nancy pushed Addison's wheelchair up next to the incubator, her heart began to warm when she saw Addison's eyes light up. She knew that the two of them needed a moment alone so she took Jake with her to get a coffee whilst mother and son bonded.

"Hi sweetie," Addison said as she exhaled opening the side of the incubator. "Mommy's here now to protect you and I promise that I'm never going to leave you again."

Addison let her index finger trace her son's body as the tears of joy streamed down her face. Just being able to see and touch her son made her world complete knowing that he was finally with her. She finally let her pinky feel over her son's hand as his tiny hand grasped it tightly. Addison gasped at the simple gesture her son made and couldn't wipe the smile off of her face.

"I know I'm a little broken at the moment but I'm going to get better soon and so are you and when we are better we're going to go home and you get to see your room and play with all of your toys." Addison said as moved in closer to her son, kissing him on the forehead. "God you look so much like Derek… You're going to be such a heartbreaker when you grow up, but you're always going to be mommy's little man ok? I love you Christopher."

Derek stood at the back of the nursery out of Addison's view taking in the sheet beauty of his ex-wife and the delicate features of his son. It was as if time stood still when the two of them talked, like nothing could come between them as mother and son bonded for the first time. It was strange as he viewed them seeing his own perfect little family standing right before him. His heart ached ever so badly as he couldn't bare being in the background any longer. All he wanted to do was go and hold his son and tell Addison that he was sorry, but he felt as though even the slightest movement would upset the fragile ecosystem that he had created. Derek had all of these feelings that he just simply could not express as his own guilt overshadowed his rationality but there was something that was different. The Addison that was in front of him was not Addison his ex-wife anymore, she was Addison the mother of his child and suddenly he had all of these feelings towards her and his son. He didn't know if it was because of this newfound connection that he had with her or because he started to see her like he did before. Derek couldn't take it any longer and went to walk up to Addison suppressing all of his nerves and ripping off the band-aid but just as he was about to go his phone began to vibrate.

He sighed looking at the display, he couldn't avoid this phone call. "Derek! Where are you?" The voice said on the other end.

"Meredith, please I'm at the hospital I've been with patients." Derek said tiredly into the cell.

"Derek I know that you have your obligations to the hospital but you also have an obligation to your family. I called the hospital an hour ago and they said that you're not even on tonight and that you haven't seen a single patient."

"Meredith, I have been helping out with the excess." Derek replied in his defense.

"No Derek, I've had enough I did not sign up to do this all alone ok? You have to choose it's either them or us, who's it going to be Derek?"

* * *

**What do you think of this new chapter? Please let us know**


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